On the Outside
by writedrunkeditdrunker
Summary: Dair story, set in early season 2. What if Blair was the person that Noah Shapiro had wanted Dan to write about? Rated M just to be safe, not really sure where it's going to go.
1. Chapter 1

"Let me be blunt, Humphrey. These stories are no good."

"What? I….you said my last one was…." Dan trailed off, wishing that he had gotten into the habit of knowing what he was going to say before he started to speak.

"It wasn't bad. These are just…more of the same." Noah Shapiro casually threw the story onto his desk, either completely blind or simply indifferent to Dan's discomfort.

"Ok." Dan nodded solemnly after taking a deep breath and preparing himself for further criticism.

"You sent me five stories. All about a sheltered young man with girl trouble, who lives with his daddy in Brooklyn. You think that's going to knock the Yale English department off their tenured asses?" Shapiro's asked, his voice getting louder towards the end of the question.

"I…I just, I thought that a writer is supposed to write what he knows. This is what I know."

"Then learn something new. Get out of your comfort zone."

"I wouldn't know where to begin." Dan sighed, just about ready to accept failure and find a new way to distract himself from the recent Serena breakup.

"What about this Claire Carlyle character?" Noah asked as he picked up Dan's story again and casually flipping through the pages. "Now she's interesting, complex, why don't you write from her point of view?"

"What? She's the villain. She's the one who tries to make my life-" Dan stopped himself, shook it off and then continued, "_Dylan's_ life a living hell."

"You're judging the character, Humphrey! You think Capote got national acclaim from _In Cold Blood_ by judging the murderer?"

"I'm guessing no." Dan relented, knowing that no matter what he said now, Noah would only be pleased once Dan agreed to make Claire Carlyle the protagonist in his next story.

"Dig beneath the surface, find the character's humanity."

"That might be difficult."

"We all have a secret. A writer's best tool is the ability to draw out a subject's secret and use it. Bring me back a story with teeth." Noah finished, tossing the story on the table once again and dismissing Dan.

Dan picked up the papers, glancing at the red writing scribbled all over it, and left asking himself how the hell was he going to write a story about Blair Waldorf?

Dan read through the notes over and over. He was relieved to find that none of the criticisms really were to do with his writing style per se, just his plot and characters. Unsurprisingly, that didn't bring him much comfort. He heard Noah's voice in his head as he read the notes, Sabrina has no depth, Dylan is too naïve, their completely idealised love story sounds like the wet dream of a forlorn fourteen year old boy. Which it once was. Dan thought back on his time with Serena and still couldn't believe that it all had actually happened. He had got his dream girl.

In his mind, Dan replayed what he thought was all their time together, though really it was just the happy times when she was all smiles and hormones, before he remembered how she had made him a pariah at school and all the not so happy memories came back. He then also remembered that he was supposed to be moving on and focusing on his future, that's what this whole possible mentorship with Noah Shapiro was meant to be about. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if he wrote a story about Blair instead, at least he knew that he wouldn't idealize her character.

Still, sat in front of his laptop with an empty word document in front of him thinking about Blair Waldorf was not inspiring to him. He decided to look over his old stories, which really were just diary entries, trying to search for Blair's humanity somewhere in there. He went over a year back, finding mentions of a girly package of evil or Constance's Hitler in high heels here and there and eventually came across the day of the photo shoot that never happened.

As he read the words he pictured Blair sitting against that wall again, how young and vulnerable she looked. For once, her innocent appearance didn't make him internally shudder because he knew she was really a wolf in designer clothing. She had seemed….genuine. Dan had forgotten about Blair's mommy issues, probably because in that conversation she never really gave anything away, all he knew was what Serena had told him; Blair's mom chose Serena over her.

He quickly typed that sentence in the blank document, hoping it would trigger something else. Which it did.

"_You take everything from me! Nate, my mom, you can't even help it, it's who you are."_

Nate. Serena and Nate. Dan had pushed that from his mind too, but he tried to separate his emotions from the situation and focused on the facts. Blair's long-term boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend. So she had been hurt, sure, but that still didn't make her human. It didn't justify the way she acted and maybe if she was a nicer person, her mom wouldn't choose Serena over her and Nate wouldn't have cheated on her with her best friend. Dan had to reel his mind back in, he had gotten emotionally involved again. Clearly finding Blair Waldorf's humanity would be a trickier task than he thought.

He spent the next hour or so continuing to look through his old entries, finding titbits here and there. He came across a few lines about how he didn't trust Blair with Jenny, that she ended her seventeenth birthday party crying over Nate, that something went down on thanksgiving that somehow resulted in Serena bringing her to the loft and….she wasn't totally unpleasant. When he came across the pregnancy scare a wave of anxiety came over Dan as he remembered the panic that consumed him when he thought it was Serena, then how Blair had nearly left town after the truth about her and Chuck came out, how she fought for her queen B status back, how she had fiercely protected Serena during the Georgina Sparks incident – Dan hadn't seen it back then, but was starting to see it now – and how they schemed to get rid of her together. Then there was a summer's worth of nothing, a mention of her throwing a party for the Lord she had dated and it all ended there.

Dan copied and pasted every mention he had of her into the document he had entitled 'The Waldorf Riddle', and then set about rewording every sentence so that it was described by an omnipresent narrator instead of from his own point of view. He wasn't ready to write from her point of view yet and couldn't imagine how he could possibly get there. Once he was finished Dan had to admit that Blair did lead an interesting life, it was full of scandal, gossip and a high school hierarchy. If you weren't forced to live in it like Dan was, it probably was compelling.

Just when he was starting to wonder where to go from there, the sound of the door slamming and rushed footsteps entering the loft distracted him. He peaked out from his room to see Jenny rushing around, her hands full of folders and a cookie in her mouth.

"Jen, what are you doing?"

"Just grabbing some food before I've got to get to Eleanor's fashion show." Jenny explained as she awkwardly held the cookie in her hand and tried to catch its crumbs at the same time as she was balancing the folders in her arms.

"Oh. There's a Waldorf Designs fashion show tonight?" Dan tried to ask casually as he crossed his arms. "Will Blair be there?"

"If that's your roundabout way of asking if Serena is going to be there, then yes Blair will be there backstage, and Serena will be in the front row with all her socialite friends."

"Can I come?" Dan asked, feeling like he was in a daydream and he couldn't have possibly really asked that question. But he knew that old diary entries could only give him so much, he needed to see Blair and try and observe her with a neutral eye. "It's not about Serena, it's…I just want to see what you do, I'm really proud at how well you've been doing at Waldorf Designs."

Jenny raised an eyebrow as she munched on the cookie. She clearly didn't believe him, but didn't have time to push the matter any further.

"If you get in anyone's way you are not my brother and I didn't get you in ok?" Jenny asked, picking up the folders that she had put on one of the stools.

"I won't get in anyone's way." Dan put his hands up defensively and then took some of the folders from her arms.

"Come on then." Jenny huffed, her head too busy going over the fashion show to either deny Dan or analyse his real motives.

Dan was definitely out of his comfort zone. He tried to convince himself that that in itself was an achievement, but with it came the constant feeling that he was one clumsy move away from humiliating himself and somehow ruining the fashion show. He stuck to the corner, he tried to linger near Jenny but that girl rushed around too much and he didn't want to risk a collision. He told himself to just observe, that's what a good writers does, observes human behaviour and uses it. He needed to sharpen that tool, he thought to himself as he absentmindedly leaned back onto a rack of dresses and paid no attention to the bean-pole models traipsing past him.

"What do you mean the models are gone?"

The panicked tone made him jump and he saw that awful Eleanor Waldorf wannabe hounding a stressed out Jenny and gleeful looking Blair in the background. Considering he'd come to observe, he'd done pretty much nothing but come up with metaphors for the skill of observing.

He caught up to speed and as much as he wanted to know how Jenny was doing, he fought to keep his focus on Blair. There had been a mix-up with the models, but luckily Serena and her friends were happy to step in. This however did not make Blair happy, considering this was saving her mother's fashion show and possibly her career and reputation, Blair seemed pissed off. He couldn't get her. He lounged in one of the abandoned hair and make-up chairs as he saw her suddenly begin to walk with purpose when she came across a green dress, she picked it up and rushed to the changing area with a smile on her face.

Dan knew that he obviously couldn't follow her into the changing area, but soon saw Serena walking the runway in the dress that Blair had been holding. For a moment it seemed like she had done something nice. Then Jenny approached Blair, a similar green dress in hand, she was shortly followed by Eleanor at which point Dan gathered what Blair had done.

He was pissed. She was endangering Jenny's job and Dan knew it meant the world to her. And for what? Just because she could? Dan wanted to step in, wanted to give Jenny a supportive hug and rat Blair out to her mom. Luckily, Dan was not a man of action and spent far too long a time thinking about what to do and the opportunity to do it slipped away. Eleanor was gone and Jenny seemed to be confronting Blair herself. Dan stepped closer, desperate to hear what was being said, only the smallest bit because he was trying to get insight on Blair, mostly because he wanted to see that Jenny was ok.

"I waved the white flag at school, why can't you just claim your throne and leave me alone?"

"Because I can't!" Blair snapped, and Dan saw that there were tears in her eyes. Then both he and Jenny followed her gaze to Serena, who was still bathing in the spotlight.

"This is about Serena. I didn't realize." Jenny said, speaking what Dan was thinking.

"And why would you?" Blair mumbled, her eyes focused on the floor.

"You might be privileged, Blair, but you work for every single thing you've achieved. Like me." Jenny said, no longer speaking what Dan was thinking, but Dan was hooked everything she said. "Serena just glides through."

"Tell me about it."

"I wanted to be _your _friend last year for a reason. I wanted _you_ to like me." With that statement, Jenny shrugged slightly and walked away, but Dan stayed rooted in place as he saw Blair gaze back out to the runway, her eyes on Serena, just like everyone else. Except Dan, whose eyes stayed on Blair.

Dan kept his attention on her as Blair gathered herself and joined her mother, Jenny and that godforsaken Laurel woman. He watched in astonishment as Blair stuck up for Jenny and convinced her mother to take her final bow, at this point Dan finally felt safe to approach Jenny and put an arm around her.

"You did great, Jen." He told her with a smile.

"Thank you." She replied quietly.

Everyone relaxed, they still had work to do, but the pressure was off now. Dan helped Jenny hang up some of the dresses that the emergency models had discarded on the changing room floor and shortly after everyone was given champagne to toast the success. But surprisingly that's not all they toasted, Jenny got the recognition she deserved too and Dan was beaming with pride.

As everyone stood around with their champagne while they did the few last jobs they needed to do before they could go, Dan saw Blair sneak off. For a moment he thought he'd seen enough of her for tonight, he'd got plenty of material, but she had repeatedly shocked him throughout the evening, first with her callousness, then her sensitivity and then her kindness. He knew he couldn't let the opportunity slip away. By the time he found her she was already talking to Serena, he lingered behind a curtain and eavesdropped on the two.

"You know about the dress." Blair's voice said guiltily.

"Yeah, Laurel told me. She said it was an accident, clearly she doesn't know you."

"I'm sorry. I was hurt, ok? You blew off our most beloved tradition." This didn't seem like much of a reason to get upset, but Dan could hear the how injured Blair was.

"Just get over it, Blair." Dan was shocked, did Serena really just say that? He must have misheard.

"Excuse me?"

"My whole life I have been bending over backwards to protect your feelings. And you know what? It's not my fault you're so insecure."

"And I'm sure it's not your fault you're so conceited."

"I'm just tired of trying to hold myself back so I don't outshine you."

"Oh my God, can you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?"

"Just the truth." Serena stated coldly. "From now on, I'm going to be who I am and if you can support that and not be threatened and competitive, then great. If not…."

Dan stood, frozen in place as he listened to departing footsteps. He'd seen, or heard, the less than perfect side of Serena before, and recently he'd been on the receiving end of the queen S phase she seemed to be going through at the moment, but he couldn't get over that Serena had just said that. He ignored the second steps of footsteps leaving, forgetting momentarily all about Blair, thinking only about Serena and the illusion that had just shattered in front of him.

He told himself that he probably had missed a lot, that Blair must have provoked her, which he was completely sure was true but what had happened still didn't sit right with him. Serena just sounded so….arrogant. A trait that he disliked in anyone. It didn't make sense, he had known her for a year, he had never seen her act condescendingly to anyone, let alone her supposed best friend. He told himself that he was probably reacting so strongly because he had seen what Serena hadn't that night, he had seen Blair standing in the shadows, desperate to be the one in the spotlight.

He remembered Blair and that she was the one he supposed to be scrutinizing. He stepped outside and watched Blair watch Serena, who still had everyone's attention and a group of photographers desperate to get pictures of her. Then she was gone, flashes of light still exploding as her car drove away. Blair lowered her head as she turned back towards the building and started to ascend the steps. She stopped on the bottom step when she saw Dan at the top, staring down at her. They both froze, a subdued look of realization appeared on her face as she read Dan's shocked, yet sympathetic expression.

The moment was lost however when he heard his dad's voice and turned to see him dragging Jenny out, appearing to be in the middle of a tirade. He glanced one last time at Blair, who gave him not only a look that said he was free to go, but that she wanted him to get away from her now. He obliged and ran after his dad and Jenny, only now catching up on the fact that Jenny wasn't supposed to be at the fashion show and that he was now in trouble too for apparently aiding and abetting her.

Once Rufus had cooled off and Jenny had gone to bed, Dan holed himself in his room, desperate to type up everything that had happened, not wanting to forget one detail. He wrote everything that he'd seen from Blair and what he could figure out from that. Clearly her issues with Serena ran deeper then he knew, and once again Eleanor had chosen Serena to wear her designs instead of Blair. Clearly the mommy issues affected Blair more than he had thought, the sabotaging Jenny, it wasn't about Jenny at all, she was just begging for some attention. Maybe that's why she did a lot of things that she did. Her dad wasn't around either, the closest thing Blair had to a parent was Dorota. The closest thing she had to real family was Serena, who she seemed to simultaneously adore and loathe. Dan could finally understand why.

That night Dan sat up writing everything he knew about Blair, trying to figure out an answer to a question that no one had asked before. He typed until his fingers began to cramp and staring at the screen started to hurt his eyes, only stopping when he saw the sunlight beginning to creep in. He decided to get a few hours of sleep before he had a chance, but his mind refused to shut down, too consumed by the shock that maybe Blair was human after all and the unsettling feelings the maybe Serena was only human after all.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's notes;_

_I've got to say that I'm really surprised by the reviews I've gotten, I didn't expect anyone to really read the story, this is only my first fic! So I really appreciate everyone taking the time to read & review. _

_And to address some questions, I can confirm that this is a Dan & Blair story, so they will be interacting more, but it will happen slowly. I actually originally had them talk in the first chapter after Serena left, but I decided to cut it out. _

_I know that some people worry that this is going to be an anti-Serena story, but it's really not. Last chapter Dan and Serena weren't on good terms beforehand, so after the way she acted at the fashion show, it just made things worse, but it won't be like that for long. But things between Dan and Serena will get a bit worse before they get better. Anyway, I hope that you guys continue to enjoy the story! _

* * *

"Boo!" Noah Shapiro threw his head back and dropped Dan's story on the table, giving up before he even finished the first page.

"But…I...you liked the last story." Dan stumbled.

"The last story wasn't another one of your many verbose diatribes from the point of view of Dylan Hunter." He took his feet off the table and swung round to look down on Dan from across his desk. "I should have known you didn't have it in you to continue with the Claire Carlyle story."

"No, I thought that…was just an exercise." Dan hurriedly tried to explain. "Are you saying I should keep writing about Blair?"

"Humphrey, a good writer recognises when to end a story. Your story from last week? Not even close to being done."

"So, what do I do? I can't just stalk Blair for the rest of my life."

"In that case, maybe I should call up the Yale lit department and tell them to throw away my recommendation letter." Shapiro responded casually, already reaching for the phone.

"No! I…I can write another Blair story. Give me a week and I'll have another chapter finished."

"Humphrey," Shapiro began, but then sighed deeply, "I don't usually advise many budding writers to stalk beautiful, rich teenage girls, but if that's what it takes to make you write at your best, and if you want to be a good writer, then that's what you need to do."

"I can do it." Dan nodded.

Just another story. That's what Dan told himself. He was sure he'd get plenty of material on Monday when Blair would scold a freshman for wearing tights as pants or daring to sit above her on the met steps. Either way, it could wait because Dan was heading to Yale this weekend. A praising letter of recommendation from the acclaimed Noah Shapiro had given Dan confidence, but now, as the hours were ticking down until his interview, the confidence faded. Plus there was the fact that Shapiro was just about spiteful enough and just about drunk enough to call Yale some point down the line and thoroughly destroy any chance Dan has of getting in. That night Dan didn't do any writing, instead he laid out his outfit for the next day and triple checked he had everything he might need for his interview.

He checked everything again the next morning.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine. More than fine. You're the perfect Yale Candidate." Rufus tried to assure him, cutting into one of Dan's discourses, this time about the color of his paper.

"Maybe. But I can't help thinking that Yale is for presidents not Humphrey's."

"As the man who cursed you with the Humphrey moniker-"

"I didn't say cursed, cursed would be cruel."

"-I now feel compelled to give a speech. Daniel, my son, you have near perfect grades, excellent SAT's, more talent than money could ever buy and not to mention a glowing recommendation letter from Noah Shapiro." Rufus finished while adjusting Dan's tie.

"But-"

"After all that you found a but?"

"What if it's not enough? Plus, Shapiro is practically holding that recommendation letter for ransom."

"Why? What does he want?"

"He wants me to write another story on Blair." Dan admitted. Telling him about the first Blair story was strange enough, but Rufus had been pretty angry about Dan 'aiding and abetting' Jenny at the fashion show, so Dan had to come clean about why he was there.

"Blair? I thought that story was just a one-off."

"Yeah, so did I. But Shapiro seems to think that writing about someone I loathe brings out better writing from me than writing about someone I love, so…" Dan waved his hand to finish the sentence.

"Are you sure you really want to do this? I mean, I know she's not your favorite person but Blair is Serena's friend, do you really want to use her that way?" Dan studied Rufus as he spoke, he kept his eyes down rearranging the plates that he had already laid out on the table and Dan knew he was trying very hard to resist another sermon of fatherly advice.

"I've thought about it and…it's not like I'm lying to or betraying anyone, and Serena and I aren't on good times right now, besides no one's going to read it but Shapiro. I write another story on Blair, I keep Shapiro happy, get into Yale, write a best-seller, marry an English-lit graduate and live happily ever after." Dan shrugged, but then smiled victoriously as if he had already achieved all that he had spoken of.

"I see my pep talk worked." Rufus nodded slightly and smiled.

"Right, well, I'm off. Just me, the best English department in America and a hundred other highly competitive, extremely nervous wannabe Yale-y's."

Despite Dan's worst habits that seemed to amplify when he was nervous, the interview went great. His interviewer was the professor who world be teaching a World Literatures module next semester, giving Dan the perfect opportunity to flaunt his knowledge of Russian authors, comparing Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky, even throwing in mentions of Solzhenitsyn and Pasternak, which led to them having a much longer conversation on the socialist realism genre. They then had to rush through talking about Dan's career aspirations and what kind of things Dan liked to write about, which was a relief to Dan as he thought autobiographical narratives would probably be looked down upon by a Yale professor.

He walked out of that building feeling like he was on top of the world, and being the nepotistic boy that he was, felt the urge to call his dad and share the glory. But instead he caught the sight of Serena on the steps of the building opposite. His resentment towards her had worn off and feeling as good as she did, he wanted to share it with someone and Serena seemed like the perfect person. As he made his way other to her, he saw that Serena had already been commandeered – Blair.

Despite the unwelcome intrusion, Dan still felt great and started to feel like he could get his next story for Shapiro done by the end of the day, if he could get some good inspiration. So he edged closer to listen into their conversation.

"The Dean made me realize that by being so set on Brown, I closed myself off the other options." He could make out Serena saying, in a not altogether genuine way.

"Well that's a lovely epiphany, I'm afraid it's irrelevant. It's not as if you'd actually get in here." And with Blair's rebuttal, Dan caught up to speed. It wasn't until that moment that he realized how strange it was that Serena was actually there, at Yale, seeing as when they were together she showed no interest in the college at all.

"Hello?" Serena answered her phone in her saccharine way, that he Dan knew would be torturing Blair. "An intimate gather at the Dean's house tonight? I'd be honored. Thank you."

"You were invited to my gathering?" Dan heard Blair's voice, he had shifted closer to a column to try and stay out of sight, and he could only see her nose poking out from behind her hair.

"You might want to make other plans, she said I was her last call." Serena said gloatingly, then turned her back on Blair and pretended to be doing something on her phone.

"Of all the things," Blair began to say pleadingly, but Serena didn't seem to pay any attention, "Nate, my mom, the girls at school, you wouldn't take this from me. Because if you do, I swear I will take you down."

"I'm not taking anything from you, Blair. I was invited. And as for taking me down, I'd love to see you try." Serena smirked. She would always be stunningly beautiful, but Dan found it extremely unattractive, all the feelings from the fashion show coming back to him. How could this be the same girl he had fallen so madly in love with?

It was enough to cause Blair to storm off too, Dan saw the tears in her eyes as she walked past him and they must have hindered her vision as she didn't seem to notice him there. He cast his eyes up to Serena at the top of the steps, her triumphant smile gone and now replaced with a more pensive expression. He thought about going up to her now and telling her the good news like he had originally planned, but found that he had no real desire to anymore. Instead, he wondered to a nearby bench, pulled out his notebook and wrote down everything that had just happened, from his extreme elation after his interview, to his eavesdropping on yet another Serena and Blair confrontation. He was snapped out of his reverie when he heard Nate's familiar voice. Dan looked up to see him with what looked to be a tour group, waving him over. He had nothing better to do, so why not?

Dan spent the next few hours with Nate, who seemed to have had enough of Chuck's company, and Dan couldn't blame him. However, he soon seemed to tire of Dan's company too and wanted to be alone with the student who had given them the tour. Dan took the hint, and when he get a call inviting him to the dean's house that night – making him realize that Serena had lied earlier to hurt Blair - and he had a decent excuse to leave Nate and his flavor of the week.

Luckily, Dan's hyper-paranoia about being prepared had caused him to pack a casual tux, he hadn't thought he'd need it for a party, but had anticipated that he might spill something down his original outfit. He repeated to himself all the phrases that he thought would sound good to a Yale professor that he hadn't already used in the interview, and felt the familiar terror of the unknown. Then he remembered that Serena would be there too, and despite his last few encounters with her, he felt somewhat comforted.

To his surprise, Serena wasn't the only familiar face there. Blair must have gotten an invite after all, or she somehow schemed her way in, which Dan noted was far more likely. They seemed to be caught in another stronghold, so Dan tried to ignore them most of the night, but every now and then he'd see them either glaring at each other from opposite sides of the room, or quietly quarrelling in a corner.

"Dan, hey." Serena seemed to finally notice he was there and joined him at the drinks table.

"Serena." Dan coldly greeted her, sounding more hard-hearted than he had intended, so he tried to make up for it. "So, Yale, huh?"

"Maybe." Serena smiled. "It's got such a beautiful campus and everyone seems so nice-"

"What about Brown?" Dan wondered who had taken control of his mouth, because he had had no intention of being short with her.

"I haven't ruled out Brown." She replied slowly, only now sensing Dan's hostility. "I just…my mom thought it was important for me to come here and the interview went so well, hey, what about you? You're interview must have gone well considering the fact that you're here."

"So, you came here because Lilly wanted you to?" He said accusingly, ignoring her attempt to change the subject. "Because it looks to me like you're just trying to take something away from Blair."

Serena froze. Dan felt like a dick when he saw her restrained pout forming, but for some reason couldn't drop the attitude.

"I heard you and Blair on the steps today," he began to explain, "you could easily get into Yale if that's what you want, actually, you could easily get into Yale even if you don't want to, but the only thing I can see you actively trying to do is destroy Blair's chances of getting in here."

"That's not what I'm doing, Dan." Serena became more aggressive, but managed to keep here tone down. "She's been trying to ruin my chance here too, I'm just-"

"Trying to stop Blair from getting into the college of her dreams?" Dan interrupted, and Serena's shoulders dropped as she realized that she didn't have a decent response. But she wasn't ready to admit that she was wrong either.

"Just because I haven't wanted this since I was six, doesn't mean I have any less right to be here."

"True. But, like I said, why can't you get into Yale without sabotaging Blair? Afraid of another four years of trying to hold yourself back so you don't outshine her?" He snapped and registration flickered across her eyes as she recognized his choice of words.

Before she could respond, the dean got everyone's attention so that they could begin the quiz. Dan and Serena awkwardly stood next to each other throughout, and she smiled politely at him when he gave his answer, while Blair scowled at them. Dan stopped listening, as did most people in the room, and he began to prepare his apology for Serena, as he waited for the game to end.

"And now on to Miss van der Woodsen. The person you would most like to have dinner with, real or imagined, living or dead, is…Pete Fairman."

Dan tensed up immediately and he felt Serena do the same. He glanced at her to see her smile faltering.

"I do not know this person, who is Pete Fairman?" The dean asked and Dan nervously awaited Serena's response, whilst Blair looked on expectantly.

"Um…he..he's-"

"He's the man she killed." Blair cut in and murmurs immediately spread throughout the room.

"Miss Van der Woodsen, would you care to explain?" The dean asked tentatively.

"Of course, Dean Berube. Um, Pete Fairman was a man that I knew-"

"Man slash dealer." Blair quipped in again.

"He died almost two years ago, when I was with him. What happened was a tragedy and I am filled with regret over it, but I was not responsible-"

"Were you responsible for the sex tape?"

"Blair-"

"It wasn't very sexy if you ask me."

"Blair, that's enough, let's go." Serena ordered, having already closed the distance between the two of them and grabbed her by the arm. "Dean Barube, do you mind if we sort this out privately please?"

"Take all the time you need." He replied and Serena dragged Blair out as she yelled about something, but Dan had stopped listening again.

A few minutes passed and he really wasn't in the mood for mixing with the greatest minds in America anymore. On any other night, Dan might not have felt so bad for laying into Serena, but as the night had turned out to be a rough one for her, he felt pretty guilty about it. He thought about Ivy Week from over a year ago, how he had been mad at Serena and that he had judged her for trying to take Yale from Blair back then too and then how his sympathies shifted as soon as Serena became the victim. Then he thought about all the drama that had happened as a result of Pete Fairman's death and Serena's involvement in it. A lot of negative feelings came back, so when the world lit professor had he met earlier went to introduce him to the director of graduate studies, Dan made up an excuse about feeling ill and left.

He stepped out on to the porch and stopped in his tracks when he saw Blair to his left. She was crouched down, picking up her lipstick and putting it into her purse. She then reached for her headband and Dan noticed that her hair was slightly dishevelled. Clearly she and Serena had not made up.

As she stood up straight she caught sight of him and looked startled for a moment, but quickly covered it up and pursed her lips.

"If you've come to tell me what a despicable person I am for bringing up Pete Fairman, Serena's already given me the lecture and left. So why don't you go run after her?" She said bitingly, her face already scrunched up in disgust.

"Um, I doubt she wants to see me right now." Dan rocked back on his feels lightly. He wanted to talk to Blair, have an actual conversation and not just an exchange of barbs, but that would not be an easy task to achieve.

"Why not?" Blair asked casually as she crossed her arms, but Dan knew she was genuinely curious.

"I uh…I actually, kind of told off in there, earlier. You know, because of…all of this." He didn't know how to explain that he had been defending her to Serena, and much less knew how to gage how she would react. Probably something like the last person she needs to fight her battles is a Brooklyn bumpkin and that he should mind his own business.

"All of what?"

"I heard you and Serena arguing earlier." Dan explained and he saw Blair swallow as she grew more anxious. "I didn't like the way that she was acting…and I let her know."

"You and Serena had a fight over me?" Blair cocked her head to the side and smirked, pretending to enjoy his and Serena's unhappiness.

"Not exactly." Dan shrugged, then stepped out of place and wondered to one of the wicker chairs where he sat down. "It was about her…or who I thought she was."

"The illusion finally shattered, huh? Now you see that Serena is exactly the same as all the other upper east siders that you despise."

"What about you?" Dan changed the subject. "Do you despise Serena now?"

Blair paused. Her arms dropped to her sides as she tried to think of a response, but too much time had passed for her to lie and for it to not be obvious.

"That's what I thought." Dan smiled. "You know, despite how…malicious she seems to be acting, we both know she's not a vindictive person. If you just told her how you really felt and apologised, then she'd forgive you and…it would all go back to normal. Isn't that how it works with you two? You're both awful to each other and then you remember how much you actually mean to each other and all is forgiven?"

"Maybe that's how it's worked in the past, but I don't need Serena. I have my own life and she has hers, and they're not connected anymore." Blair responded, shaking her head dismissively and trying far too hard to sound laissez-faire.

"Come on, could you really imagine your life without Serena in it?" He asked, looking up at her and seeing the resolve on her face. But she remained silent, giving Dan all he needed to know that he had gotten through to her. "Anyway, I should go now. By the way, if you're planning on going back inside, you really should try to fix your hair first."

Dan breezed past her as he gave her the last piece of advice, scared to look at her because he was sure that criticizing her hair was punishable by death to Blair Waldorf. But he only got five feet away from the house when he forgot this fact and looked back, she was still standing there with her arms crossed, but was shifting her weight from foot to foot as she looked down to the ground. He hadn't gone out there with the intention of trying to patch things up between Blair and Serena, he hadn't even thought that one of them might still be out there, but when he saw her reserved devastation, he knew it was what she needed. If he could, he would bet money on them making up within the next twenty-four hours.

His prediction proved right. He wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but when he met up with Nate the next day and got all the details that he didn't want from the night before, from a distance he saw Blair and Serena standing on those same steps they had argued on, now holding hands.

All in all, it had been a good weekend. The interview had been fantastic, and he had done some of his very best schmoozing at the party too, he had gone from feeling insecure to unbearably confident, but knowing him that confidence would soon fade back into self-doubt again pretty soon. He rode out the high while it lasted and, feeling productive, he finished the next story on Blair the night he got home.


	3. Chapter 3

_So, this chapter was a difficult one. Not because it's particularly emotional, but simply because not a lot happens. I'm trying to follow some canonical events, as I expect is obvious by now, and I thought that what happens in this chapter was important for the way that Dan is starting to see Blair, but it's just not all that exciting, so sorry about that. _

_Also, In this chapter I mention Shaughnessy Bishop-Stall and I have thos nagging feeling that he was actually mentioned on Gossip Girl, but I can't remember in what context or even who it was, so I wrote it as if Dan didn't know who he was, because I wanted it to be explained just to save any readers who aren't familiar with him the google search.  
_

_On another note, how do you guys feel about the length of these chapters? Because the next two are shaping up to be a fair bit longer, and I'm worried that I'm getting into the habit of making them too long. _

* * *

"Humphrey, are you familiar with Shaughnessy Bishop-Stall?" Shapiro asked, glancing over the tops of his glasses with a mischievous expression.

"The name sounds familiar." Dan winced. He hadn't lied, but whenever Shapiro referenced a writer – who Dan was safe to assume that this Shaughnessy person was – he felt like he should know who he's talking about. Which most of the time he did, but he hated when he didn't and could practically hear Shapiro mentally criticising him for being so uneducated. At least it was only mental criticism now, Dan was very thankful for that since Shapiro had spent the last thirty minutes verbally criticising him for his run on sentences, over-descriptive passages, pretentious diction and, – most of all – the introduction of his counterpart, Dylan Hunter, into the Claire Carlyle story.

"Before he began to write '_Down to This'_," He began to explain, pointedly saying the name of the book that Dan obviously should have heard of and read, "he spent a year living with the homeless in Toronto. He immersed himself in the lifestyle that he wanted to portray."

"Okay…what has this got to do with me?" Dan asked slowly.

"Humphrey, if Shaughnessy can endure drug dealers, pimps, whores and all around maniacs, surely you can find the will to infiltrate a group of spoilt rich kids, one of whom you've already had a relationship with." Shapiro finished with a big grin on his face, the kind of grin that a sadistic child would have as he throws a mouse into a snake tank.

"But, I thought the point was for me to observe from the outside? I'm an outsider, I liked being an outsider, it's where I belong, and you said that it's when I do my best writing, so-" Dan was interrupted by Shapiro chuckling to himself. "What?"

"Clearly, you don't like being an outsider that much seeing as you could write no more than four chapters on Blair Waldorf before adding yourself to the story."

That shook Dan more than it should have. Probably because it was true, but Dan couldn't acknowledge this yet. He lay awake that night rationalizing what, he quite frankly, wanted to do but pretending he was going to do it because Shapiro said so. He had to get on the inside. But getting there would be no easy task.

He barely slept that night and the next day he was still going through scenarios of how to befriend Blair. Being nice wouldn't work, he had always been a nice guy and yet that seemed to be one of the things Blair hated about him. He couldn't see how being mean would be any better. The only way he had been able to talk to her last time was because she was vulnerable.

He was too busy mentally practicing how to approach Blair that day and imagining all the new insults he'd get for his efforts that he could barely pay attention to Vanessa's latest cause. She said something about coming to school to hand out flyers, but that really wouldn't help his own cause at all.

When he finally saw Blair later in the courtyard, all his potential openings vanished from his memory when her face lit up at the sight of him and she skipped over.

"Humphrey!" She greeted, strangely friendly.

"Blair." Dan responded, almost questioning if this perky brunette was really Blair.

"As I expect you already know, seeing as stalking Serena is your one and only pastime, Serena and I are friends again. And we both know that that's, at least in part, to you." She said sweetly, tilting her head to the side in a completely adorable and completely un-Blair Waldorf way.

"Umm….are you thanking me?" Dan asked, worried that any move he might make could cause the real Blair to resurface any moment.

"Actually, I was going to thank you by inviting you to Serena's parents' housewarming tomorrow night. You can even bring Vanessa."

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Serena suddenly appeared looking confused while Dan tried to process what had just happened and Blair waited for an answer, her eyes still on Dan and her eyebrows raised expectantly.

"Is everything okay?" Serena added as she looked from Blair back to Dan.

"Yes." Dan could finally talk again. "Blair was just thanking me about…everything at Yale, which reminds me I haven't apologised to you yet for what I said-"

"Don't worry about it." Serena stopped him before he could continue. "It's forgotten."

"Oh, well still, I'm sorry. Anyway, apparently Blair's idea of showing gratitude is inviting me and Vanessa to a party that she's not even hosting, your parents' housewarming." Dan explained, hoping Serena might be able to explain what's happening to him.

"You did?" Serena turned to Blair in disbelief.

"Yes, that's not a problem is it?" She responded innocently.

"No, of course not." Serena seemed stunned.

"Great! It's decided!" Blair clapped her hands together. "Humphrey, I shall see you tomorrow evening."

Both Serena and Dan watched Blair flitter away just like she had arrived, both in shock over what had happened.

"You know, you don't have to worry about things being awkward, I'm not going to go." Dan said when he and Serena turned back towards each other.

"No, what are you talking about? You should come." Serena's mood instantly changed.

"No, it's Bart Bass's party, I'm the last person who should be there. Well, second to last, after my dad. And what am I going to do? Sit drinking gin and smoking cigars with Chuck and his dad?"

"It's not like that, it's actually…it's kind of a propaganda thing with a load of boring business partners of Bart's, and it is going to be so boring, so please, please come so I have someone other than Blair to talk to." Serena started doing that adorable nose scrunch thing she did and Dan was so close to giving in.

"Why would you want me there?" Dan asked after a moment of hesitation, then elaborated with; "We're not…we tried being friends."

"I know, and it didn't go well, I agree. But we're older and wiser now….I think we should give it another shot. You should come." She repeated, with a hopeful smile as she bit her bottom lip.

"I guess I could bring Vanessa and she could try and get all those oh-so-important business men to sign her petition for this….you know that's not important, but yeah, I guess, I'll see you tomorrow night." Serena beamed at him as he gave his answer, and he couldn't help but smile back. He then wondered why he took so long to agree seeing as he was supposed to be trying to get on the inside, then decided he was probably just shocked at how easy it seemed.

When he told Vanessa she seemed just as shocked as him – and he had even left out the part where Blair had been the one to invite them – but Dan reminded her that it would help her with her current quest and that she had almost been friends with Serena once, and she agreed.

Jenny dressed him the next day, not literally, and he ended up not looking bad. He had the awkward task of explaining to his dad where he was going, and then in a private moment explained the real reason why – but this didn't make Rufus any more comfortable and then he and Vanessa set off.

Serena had been right when she predicted that it would be boring. He and Vanessa had sat talking to her for all of twenty minutes before Lilly came and collected her because a reporter wanted to talk to her. Serena sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes, but assented. The two had an awkward run in with Nate, who politely talked to them for a few minutes, but soon found an excuse to leave. Obviously, things were still strained between him and Vanessa. Dan had caught glimpses of Blair every now and then, but she hadn't even noticed he was there as far as he knew. He thought it was strange considering she was the one who had invited him, but in one of the few times that he saw her she was sharing what she thought to be a secret glance with Chuck and Dan guessed that no one else would be getting her attention that night. Not that he cared.

Vanessa was able to convince several businessmen, lawyers, journalists, bankers and even Bart Bass, to support her cause. She didn't hate any of these people any less, but she appreciated the fact that sweetly asking for backing under the expectant eyes of their peers and a room full of journalists was a lot more effective than trying to guilt them into being better people. Deciding it had been a successful night, Vanessa decided it was finally time to leave and Dan could not be more relieved as he had wanted to leave since he got there. Being at one of these parties was not as glamorous as he had imagined. Frankly, it had been dull.

The most exciting thing to happen was when the coat check girl couldn't find Vanessa's bag.

"Can you check again?" She asked, her arms crossed in frustration.

"No need." And the mysterious brunette appeared again, Vanessa's purse in hand.

"Don't tell me you took my purse by mistake." Vanessa scoffed.

"Hardly." Blair responded once she glanced at the bag in her hands with distaste. "But then it wasn't your bag I was after."

She then produced Vanessa's phone from behind her back and everything made sense. Dan wasn't sure why, but he'd been played.

"Don't you know never to leave anything valuable unattended? Oh, and I took the liberty of increasing your storage space."

"What did you do?" Vanessa snatched her phone back.

"Marcus and Catherine are free to live their sick little lives in peace, as am I. Now that you have nothing on me, you're done here." Blair smiled triumphantly.

"I can't believe this." Dan finally spoke. "You invited me here just to get Vanessa's phone so you could delete some pictures?"

"Seems so unnecessary I know," Blair maintained her nonchalant yet superior tone, "usually I wouldn't go to such lengths over someone so unimportant, but I couldn't let Vanessa blackmail me with those photos."

"Is that true?" Dan turned to Vanessa.

"Yes, it's true." Blair answered before Vanessa could speak, and then turned back to Dan. "You were just collateral damage."

When Dan turned back to Blair, she was already walking away, her long, dark locks cascading down her back. Sometimes he couldn't help but think that she was far too beautiful to be so cruel. But he always instantly shook those thoughts away.

Vanessa explained the truth to him in the cab ride home, that she had indeed tried to blackmail Blair with those pictures yesterday morning, and then everything made sense. He told her that he understood what she was trying to do and it was forgotten. The cab dropped them at Vanessa's place and from there Dan walked home replaying the last two days events in his head. He felt pretty stupid to say the least. In a strange way it brought back how he had felt when Serena had been lying to him. On a conscious level, he knew why she did what she did, but it didn't change the insecurities buried deep in his psyche; Serena couldn't have lied like that if she truly respected him and saw him as an equal. He knew that those thoughts weren't true, but it still had felt that way, and that's how he felt now too. Of course Blair didn't respect him, why would he think for a second that she did? And she would never see him as an equal. He wasn't even mad at her, he was mad at himself for falling for it and racked his brain as to how he could let this happen.

He decided that lately he'd been trying so hard to see more to Blair than just a vindictive, manipulative, spoilt brat, that he had almost blocked that side of her from his view. He wasn't going to make that mistake again.

Dan was tired when he got home, but sat down to type at his laptop, needing to get down what had happened while it was still fresh in his memory. He barely registered a knock at the door, but then Rufus called him.

Dan stepped into the hallway to see Blair standing in the doorway and Rufus still holding the door, not sure whether to invite her in or not.

"I'm just going to go…tune my guitar." Rufus said, stepping into his bedroom.

"Are you lost?" Dan asked, taking Rufus's position at the door.

"Ninety-nine per cent of the time it would be safe to assume that I was lost if you saw me in Brooklyn, but believe it or not, I…." And she trailed off, her mouth still open like she was still trying to find the words. Dan guessed that she had planned to apologise, but that she was physically incapable of saying those words to him.

"You don't have to apologize." Dan tried to help, but she looked at him in horror.

"I'm not going to apologize! This is simply a pre-emptive strike. When Serena asked me if I had seen you leave, I realized that as soon as you got the chance you would tell her what I had done and she would coerce me into apologizing to you."

"So, you are here to apologise?"

"No, I'm here to explain why an apology isn't necessary." She explained as she looked at him like he was a complete idiot and what she was saying made perfect sense. "Vanessa got off easy tonight. Believe me, I could have done a lot worse, Chuck even offered to….and she got all the financial backing to save that antediluvian monstrosity anyway. Look, I went easy on her because she's your friend and…you helped me and Serena last week, so we're even now."

"Even?" Dan asked in disbelief.

"Yes!"

"No, you manipulated me and used me for your own agenda." He countered, pointing an accusing finger at her.

"Don't be so dramatic." Blair rolled her eyes.

"Blair, what are you actually doing here?" Dan asked forcefully and her façade seemed to fade. She did that thing that Dan had begun to notice where she looked into his eyes, then dropped her gaze and swallowed before regaining her poise and looking back at him.

"I guess….I felt….guilty."

"Guilty?" Dan repeated, starting to enjoy this conversation.

"Yes. I don't know why…it's not because of Vanessa, I know you don't believe it, but I really could have done worse to Vanessa."

"Oh, no, I believe it." Dan responded, imagining how furious Blair must have been that Vanessa would have the audacity to try and blackmail her.

"And like I said, you…maybe I owed you one because you convinced me to make up with Serena. And maybe it's because I know that you and Serena are making another doomed attempt at being friends, so I'm going to try and be civil towards you again!" She almost seemed to be rambling, but ended her sentence in typically superior Blair Waldorf way so that she wouldn't appear to be the awkward one.

"Just out of curiosity," Dan began, the resentment he had already fading away, "what times do you think that you were being civil towards me?"

"I let you date my best friend." Blair responded after a pause when she couldn't think of an answer.

"That was very kind of you." Dan decided to play along.

"I'm glad you finally appreciate my kindness." Blair added. Then came the awkward silence and Dan could tell what she was waiting for even though she hadn't apologized.

"So, now that I know how altruistic you were truly being tonight, I guess I can forgive you for that fact that I got caught in the crossfire." Dan said in mock politeness and Blair supressed a smile.

"Well, now that that's cleared up…I am free to leave."

"Goodnight, Blair." He smiled as she was about to turn without saying goodbye. She looked back at him and smiled slightly.

"Goodnight, Humphrey." She responded and then she was gone.

It had only been a short conversation, and she hadn't even said she was sorry, but Dan somehow felt lighter because of it. She was manipulative, he couldn't pretend that she wasn't, but she was still this other girl that he was just starting to discover too. When Dan closed the door and span around, he saw Rufus standing in the hallway with his arms crossed.

"What?" Dan asked, seeing that Rufus looked pissed.

"I don't exactly know what happened tonight, but did you not see the irony in you being mad at Blair for manipulating and using you to further her agenda?" Rufus asked, his arms dropping as he walked towards Dan.

Dan's jaw tensed as he realized how hypocritical he had been when he had said those things to Blair.

"It's different." Was all he could think to say in response, and Rufus gave an unconvincing nod.

"At least Blair had that sense to see that what she was doing was wrong." Rufus shrugged.

"Dad-"

"I'm going to bed. You should too, it's late." Rufus instantly went casual again and left Dan with his thoughts.

Dan went back to his laptop with a different attitude. He wasn't mad anymore, and could write the new chapter with more impartiality now. He sat typing away, but couldn't get what his father had said out of his head. He told himself that he knew what he was doing was morally questionable, but he rationalized it away, finished the chapter and emailed it to Noah Shapiro at two in the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

_As I'm such most of you expected, this is a big chapter. The thing that frustrated me about this one though, was that I try to follow canonical events, so with this storyline I had to take some scenes and conversations directly from the show. What bothers me about this, is that I want to give you guys something that you haven't seen (or read) before, but when it comes to keeping this story close to what happened on the show, sometimes I can't. But hopefully, I'm able to show you guys the things you've already seen with a new spin on it. _

_One other thing, something is brought up in this chapter that I thought was so important about the way Dan feels towards a certain character, and I hate that it was never addressed on the show, so I tried to acknowledge that, but move on quickly as well to keep the pace going. _

* * *

"I have to admit, I didn't expect to have you back in my office so soon. You finished the rewrites quickly."

"Well, when you told me to go back and rework the chapters as a serial, it all fell into place quite quickly." Dan responded to his mentor.

"And it does work better." Shapiro agreed, nodding along as he looked back over the pages before him. "I especially like the introduction of the Charlie Trout character, he really brings a sinister element to the narrative."

"Yeah, I'd say sinister is the right word." Dan reiterated, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

"This romance with Claire, that would really hook readers, I think you should explore it further." Shapiro added, his finger ominously running over the rim of his glass full of gin.

"Umm….okay." Dan sighed. "So, how do you want me to do that?"

"Keep doing what you're doing, except maybe now….why don't you try and push Blair towards her Charlie Trout?"

"What? You want me to interfere? I thought the point of all this is that I observe and don't interfere, like a cameraman filming a lion documentary." Dan began to ramble, then added, "and in this scenario, Blair is actually the helpless gazelle for once. I know that you like how…complicated and complex-ridden her life is, but she's a _person_ and I really don't think that Chuck Bass is right for her."

"Humphrey, since you started taking my advice do you think that your writing has improved?" Shapiro's tone changed to a more commanding one, the one that Dan knew meant he didn't have a choice about this.

"Yes." Dan apprehensively admitted.

"Then trust me on this. All you're going to do is…encourage them to come together, whatever happens once they do would have happened with or without your input."

Dan swallowed nervously, but there was no real decision here for him to make. The more time and effort he put into this project, the further he was willing to go to complete it. And so the challenge was accepted.

Dan didn't really feel like it would be difficult to push Chuck and Blair together, as things between them seemed inevitable anyway, but he knew that Shapiro would be expecting a Claire/Charlie heavy chapter in a few days, so he needed to find a way to speed up whatever was going to happen to them.

He'd been working on the Claire Carlyle project for other two months now and had honed his skills of compartmentalizing. He could go to school, and be at home, and hang out with Serena and not think or worry about what he was going to write next. Then Serena would mention something about Blair, or Blair would join them for a minute because she needed Serena for a scheme, or to simply chastise her for spending too much time with him, and Dan would store these moments in his head for later when he came to writing the next chapter. He'd been getting along well with Serena this time, he was worried that he might fall for her again (which everyone else thought and would often tell him) and would be distracted from his work, but they seemed to be genuinely becoming friends.

This didn't make him feel as guilty as it should have done. It was that compartmentalizing expertise that was coming in handy for him, he could rationalize what he was doing and separate his actions from his morals when convenient.

So he sat with Serena when they ran into each other at lunch, he asked her how she did on his English essay, and she beamed about her A, then she asked about how Jenny was doing at Eleanor's and he responded that Jenny was doing great, though he didn't like the make-up she'd been wearing recently. Then Serena mentioned how Blair had been driving her crazy with this new game she'd been playing with Chuck.

"What is it this time?" Dan asked with a sigh, feigning sympathy with Serena's frustration.

"Oh, I'm sure you don't want to hear the details, but Chuck won't sleep with Blair until she tells him that she loves him." Serena said with a dramatic roll of her eyes.

"Serena!" Blair's high-pitched voice sounded behind them and they both jumped. "Why are you telling Humphrey about that?"

"Blair, come one, Dan's a guy maybe he could help." Serena remained calm while Blair stayed dramatic and gave Dan an intense stare, commanding him to prove Serena either right or wrong.

"Yes, if you're plotting against Chuck Bass, I'm sure I can think of something." He offered, and Blair accepted, joining them at the table.

"I was thinking I'd just disappear for a while and give him a taste of life without me." Blair launched straight into scheming mode.

"No, no, that's a terrible idea. Don't disappear, become…unavoidable. Chuck may be a deviant, but he's still a man, so just drive him crazy, wear him down. You should be good at that." Dan explained, Serena then gave Blair a triumphant look because she was right and Blair herself looked begrudgingly impressed.

"Well, look who finally got a little interesting."

"Don't worry, I'm sure it's a fluke."

Soon after, Dan excused himself when Blair started talking outfits, perfume and lingerie with Serena. Now he played the waiting game, and sure enough, a few hours later, Blair called him.

"Hello?"

"I just wanted to thank you for encouraging me to throw myself at Chuck." She instantly began to scold him. "I can skip dinner now that I'm so full on humiliation. Chuck was completely unmoved."

"Well, are you sure he wasn't just acting like it didn't work?"

"Unfortunately there was no hard evidence of that. Literally." Dan winced, he didn't want the details. "I didn't even get the chance to show him my necklace tangled up in my hair. That nape of the neck is Chuck's kryptonite."

"Oh, that's good to know. So, he just got up abruptly and left?"

"Like a Bass out of hell."

"Well, then, you got him right where you want him, trust me. Right now he's heading home, intercept him." Dan heard Blair pause, another moment where he expected she didn't want to acknowledge that she thought he was right about something.

"I'll let you know what happens." She hung up quickly.

"Oh, please don't." Dan said to himself, knowing that actually he would need to know at least a summary of what happens.

Luckily, he and Serena got a play by play as Blair couldn't stop texting her when she and Dan were trying to hang out. Blair had started out cocky, but Chuck caught her out and she was rejected again. Dan had to admit that he was surprised, he had known for a while that Chuck and Blair had a strange pull on each other, no matter how much it disturbed him, and he had been sure that Chuck wouldn't be able to resist Blair. From what Blair had told him, and what he knew about being a man, Dan knew that Chuck wanted Blair, so his reasons for keeping her at arm's length confused Dan. Did he really want Blair to tell him that she loved him that much? Or was it just to have power over her?

"Please, talk to her." Serena urged, dragging Blair into the gallery the next day and then leaving her in Dan's hands.

"You and Chuck have been toying with each other forever, so you didn't win this one, do you ever think that maybe you should just let it go?" He asked her casually, screaming at himself internally for suggesting the opposite of what he's supposed to be trying to do.

"This is different." Blair snapped desperately.

"Why?" He asked, but she couldn't give an immediate answer. He observed the defeated, vulnerable look on her face and it clicked. "Do you love him?"

She didn't have to answer, she just looked up at him weakly and confirmed what he already knew.

"Wow, someone loves Chuck Bass."

"I don't know." She finally spoke, burying her head in hands, the brushing her hair out of her face. "I just…I don't understand how it got to this place."

"You know the first time I told Serena I loved her, it was terrifying." Dan began, looking down at his tensed hands, having regained his self-control and trying to find the words to push Blair to Chuck. "I've never felt so exposed. But, the feeling I got when she said it back to me…it was probably the single greatest moment of my life."

"But, you broke up."

"Yeah. Doesn't meant I wouldn't do it all over again."

"If I say it, he wins and if he wins, then I'll just…be another girl to him." Blair admitted whilst holding onto her composure.

"You don't know that that's true." Dan replied, hoping that he was right. He didn't want to push Blair towards Chuck only for her to get her heart broken. But the alternative, Blair actually being with Chuck, didn't seem much cheerier to Dan. "You have to decide what's most important to you, keeping your pride and getting nothing, or taking a risk and maybe, maybe, having everything."

Blair left still undecided, but Dan knew he had gotten to her and that on some level she knew he was right. Now, it was just a question of whether she was brave enough or not. Dan couldn't help but think about how Shapiro would love this.

"Was that Blair you were talking to?" Rufus interrupted Dan's thoughts when he came and started stacking up chairs so there'd be more room later.

"Uh, yeah. Listen Dad, I know you don't get this whole Blair thing, but-"

"But, what?" Rufus stopped him from rambling, cutting to the chase in a tone that Dan knew meant that Rufus was willing to listen and wasn't going to chastise him again. Or if he was, he'd be doing it in that subtle indirect way that he preferred to.

"It's just…I don't know about…you know Chuck Bass, right?" Rufus nodded. "You see, Blair…Blair wants to be with him and I encouraged her to tell him how she feels, but…I don't know, Chuck is not a good guy. What am I supposed to do? Tell her what I really think? Or…encourage her to do what she wants?"

"Well, if she came to you as a friend, than you should do what a friend would." Rufus said cryptically, crossing his arms and giving Dan that pseudo-criticism that he knew was coming.

"Which is what?" Dan ignored the passive-aggressiveness, and just hoped Rufus would give him a straight-forward black and white answer, as, for once, Dan wasn't so sure what the right thing was.

"When you think someone you care about is going to make a mistake, you have to let them explain that to them. Then when they don't listen to you, which is what most often happens, you support them and hope that you're proved wrong. But, if you're proved right, then you're still there for them." He advised in a subdued but authoritative tone, then left Dan alone with his thoughts. Five minutes later Serena text him to tell him that she and Blair would be coming to the opening that evening and that Blair had invited Chuck too.

He rationalized. His current go-to coping mechanism. He would do what Rufus had suggested. Take Blair aside. Remind her that even though she loves him, Chuck is still Chuck. Then whatever she does afterwards is up to her. And he doesn't have to feel bad about writing down whatever ends up happening, because if it's terrible, then he had tried to warn her, and if it's not, then no harm done.

When Dan saw Serena and Blair arrive, he locked eyes with Rufus who had also seen them arrive. Dan hated seeing the look of disapproval coming from his father, but he just hoped that sooner or later, his father would understand why he was doing what he was doing.

"Hey. This is a huge turnout, Aaron must be thrilled." Was Serena's greeting. Dan paused, he didn't even realize that Serena had met Aaron, then she added; "And your dad."

"Yeah, it's pretty exciting." He responded, not sounding that excited, already thinking how he was going to word what he needed to tell Blair. And how he was going to get her alone before she went to meet Chuck.

"As fascinating as this is," Blair began, "shouldn't someone be handing out drinks?"

"Let me see what I can about that for you." Dan assented and headed to the café area, dodging Vanessa and hoping that Blair would come find him once he didn't bring her a drink. She didn't, but he soon saw her heading down the corridor to the stairs, and banged on the window to get her attention.

"Hey, stay there." He told her through the glass, then quickly went to meet her. "Blair, I need to talk to you."

"I can't. Chuck's waiting for me." She responded, sounding innocently excited. Dan almost hated that he was going to ruin that for her.

"I know, it's about that…I just think you should be careful." He began to explain, wincing at his own words.

"Why? You said to be the opposite of careful. You told me to take a risk."

"Right, I know, I know, but I…it was bad advice. Because I was thinking about how things were for Serena and me. But we're talking about Chuck here. Do you really want to go down this path with him of all people?"

"What do you mean by that?" Blair asked quickly, the corner of her lip curving up slightly like she wanted to smirk.

"It's Chuck." He repeated quietly but forcefully.

"Of course," Blair's condescending smirk appeared fully, "it's Chuck and _Dan Humphrey_ doesn't approve."

"I've tried not to judge you and your love life for Serena's sake, but when it comes to attempted rapists…yeah I judge." Dan snapped. He hadn't planned on saying that out loud. "And maybe the fact that he assaulted Jenny isn't a big deal to you, but let's not forget he tried to rape Serena too, so you'd think that-"

"What are you talking about?" Blair quickly cut him off and Dan saw the genuine shock on her face, not just because of his outburst, but the content of it.

"Serena never told you?" He asked back, but Blair's demeanour changed and the mask was back on.

"He's changed now. You'll see." She stated and then rushed away before Dan could say anything else. He stayed in place wondering if he said the right thing, and found himself once again questioning who Blair really was if she could so easily excuse a guy who had tried to force himself on her best friend. But maybe she hadn't. Maybe she just didn't believe him. He went back to the gallery and tried not to think about it and enjoy his dad's big night.

"Hey, do you know what happened?" Serena cornered him in a panic minutes later. "Why's Blair so upset?"

"Uh, look, Blair and Chuck…it's not a good idea, so I just…kind of helped to-"

"You intentionally sabotaged Blair?" Serena cut him off before he could explain more.

"No, I didn't intend to…well, maybe."

"I don't understand, I thought you wanted to help Blair! I thought you'd help her be brave." Serena stormed off. Dan still wasn't sure if he had done anything wrong, but he couldn't resist running after her out onto the street.

"Serena, wait! I'm sorry!" He called as he caught up to her, and to his surprise she didn't walk away from him. "What happened, it wasn't….you didn't let me explain. I was trying to help Blair."

"How?" Serena snapped, stopping to glare at him. Her arms crossed and an expression saying that she didn't expect any answer could satisfy her.

"Do you really think Blair should be with Chuck?" Dan raised his voice at her for the first time, not understanding how she of all people would trust that guy with anyone, let alone her best friend. "You told me what he did to you last year, that he tried to force himself on you….and do I need to remind you of our first date which ended with us having to go rescue Jenny from him too? How can you think it's a good idea for Blair to get involved with a guy like that?"

Serena's arms dropped, and she looked to the side, left a bit breathless by the question.

"Chuck's not my type…" Serena slowly tried to explain, "but if Blair loves him, then…"

"Then what?" Dan asked, but Serena didn't have an answer. "Serena, I'm sorry, but…I talked to Blair and I brought up what Chuck did to you. I didn't realize you never told her, but I just thought you should know that now she knows. Why didn't you tell her about it?"

"I don't know." Serena sighed. "Blair and I weren't friends at the time…I just wanted to forget it. Nothing really happened, so it wasn't a big deal."

"Yeah, nothing happened because you fought him off. What if you hadn't been able to?"

"He's my step-brother Dan, what would you have me do?" She crossed her arms again.

"I realize that, and I know that you and Blair and Nate and Chuck have this…weird friendship where you don't seem to hold anything against each other. And hey, as much as it pains me to say it, maybe Chuck isn't a completely….evil guy." Dan winced, it did literally pain him to try and see any of the redeeming qualities in Chuck that Blair and Serena seemed to see. "But I could never trust him. Could you?"

"Look, Dan, I get why you did what you did and I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I just saw Blair so upset and…I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I'm sorry too. For all of it….except for what I said to Blair. I think I did the right thing."

"Maybe. Still, that won't Blair feel any better." Serena shrugged dejectedly and took a deep breath. "I should tell you that Aaron asked me out. But I said no, because I wasn't sure how you would feel, but I kind of want to say yes."

"Okay." Dan took a deep breath. "I like Aaron, he seems like a good guy, so if you want to go out with him….you should. I'm fine with it really."

Dan was surprised how true what he was saying felt, and Serena seemed to register his sincerity too. She asked him if he minded if she went to find Aaron, which he didn't, he had someone he needed to see himself.

Dorota trusted him. That was strange to Dan because…everyone else in Blair's world would never let a random Brooklynite into her penthouse this late at night, but he explained that he knew Blair was upset and that he had something to do with it and he wanted to apologize to her. Dorota told him that Blair was up in her room, then busied herself and left Dan to find his own way up the girl in question.

He felt uncomfortable taking that first step on the stairway. He had intially thought that Dorota would go and tell Blair that he was there, and then probably return alone to send him away, or that Dorota would formally deliver Dan to Blair's room. He felt like he was intruding upon something heading up there on his own, he saw her bedroom door open however and was relieved that at least he wouldn't be walking in on her while she was getting undressed or something like that. That thought lingered in his mind slightly longer than it should.

As he stepped towards the door, he hesitated when he caught sight of her sitting in front of her vanity desk. Her room was darkly lit but, as she removed her earrings, Dan could see in her reflection that she had been crying. He immediately felt even worse. But this also stirred in him even more of a determination to apologize to her and make any attempt to alleviate some of the pain that he was partly responsible for. Still, he loitered in the doorway because this was such a rare sight. Blair Waldorf, completely herself. No act, no mask, no endless stream of putdowns that Dan had started to realize was just her defence mechanism. Just Blair Waldorf. Without all the expectations that came with that name. Just a beautiful but broken-hearted girl.

He gathered the courage and pushed the door open slightly. This didn't take her by surprise, but when she saw it was him in her bedroom shock manifested itself in her widened eyes and slightly gaping mouth. She recovered quickly, swallowed away her surprise and turned back to the mirror, brushing her hair with her fingers.

"Haven't you done enough damage today?" She asked, all business now.

"I didn't mean to do any." Dan replied, as he took a step further into her room and wondered if maybe he had intended to cause damage. To who and why he couldn't consider. "I came to apologize. I know that things went awfully with Chuck and…I cannot apologize for what I said to you, but I'm sorry about the way I said it and my timing."

Blair looked back at him and he now stood a foot away from her. His hands were shoved apologetically into his pockets and the expression on his face was completely sincere. As much as she wanted to, she was too exhausted to think of any verbal abuse she could throw at him to make him leave.

"Serena never told me." She confirmed, devastated. "If I had known…are you sure?"

Dan paused. Blair looked at him with so much desperation, she wanted him to say it wasn't true. That he had been angry in the moment and lied, or that there had been a miscommunication with Serena. She wanted to believe that Chuck was her prince, but Dan couldn't give her that lie.

"Yes. I uh…I told Serena that I told you, so I guess you two can have a long heart-to-heart about it tomorrow."

"I can't believe she was going to let me tell him that I love him." Blair looked down at her hands.

"Her heart was in the right place." Dan said, trying to help smooth over at least some of the damaged he had caused that night.

"As, I now see, was yours." Blair looked back up at him.

"I'm sure that, coming from me, this means absolutely nothing to you, but…you deserve better, Blair."

"Better doesn't…." Blair stopped herself from expressing whatever her immediate reaction had been and recomposed herself. "Better doesn't want me."

"Hey, that's, that's not true." Dan urged, but Blair looked away, not wanting to hear whatever cliché he was going to come up with next. "Hey, you listen to me, listen." He urged her, kneeling at her side and looking up into her heart-breaking eyes and he took a deep breath before he started again. "I can't pretend that you're the perfect woman, that you're completely flawless and any guy who doesn't agree with me is crazy. You have your flaws, I'm very aware of them, seeing as I've been the guy on the other end of your elitism, manipulation, bullying and all round-abrasiveness since I've known you. And yet I can't deny that you're…kind of special. Most of the world only gets to see all the flaws, and despite your efforts to stop anyone from seeing what's underneath, I have. And I'm….stunned. You're…you're annoyingly intelligent and witty. Unfortunately, you often use these powers for evil. You are so determined and so hard-working. You don't let many people in, but those you do….you give so much. Like with Serena, the way you two are….okay, occasionally you're awful to each other, but it's so obvious that you would go to the ends of the Earth and back for her. Not to mention, that you are…. extraordinarily beautiful. You're good traits far outweigh your bad ones. But unfortunately, you seem to have this tragic flaw. You are so terrified of being vulnerable that you hide away who you really are because you so sure that it won't be good enough for anyone else. You…you don't think you deserve good things in your life. It's like you have this really low opinion of yourself….and that's a shame because if you could only see what I see."

Dan shook his head lightly as he finished, and up until that moment it was as if he was in a bubble. A bubble where…everything he'd been trying to cling to was gone. He still wanted to see Blair the way he used to, but he simply didn't anymore. He had been so busy looking at Serena for all those years, that he never truly saw the girl standing next to her. Now, he couldn't possibly tear himself away from her. In the bubble it was okay to feel that way. But when he looked up into her tear-filled eyes, reality came crashing back and he knew that he had crossed a line. He wasn't exactly sure what line he had crossed, but he had and it was irreversible now. Blair smiled down at him as a tear fell from eyelid, staining her cheek. He reached up and wiped it away, unable to control himself. As he lightly pressed his thumb into her flesh, she closed her eyes and seemed to lean into his hand as he pulled it away. They locked eyes again. Both unsure what to do next or what could possibly be said now.

"I should go." Dan broke the silence, although in his head there was an abundance of thoughts rushing around, it seemed like anything but silent to him. He stood up and Blair kept her eyes on him as he politely smiled at her and turn to leave.

"Dan," she called quietly when he reached the door and he turned, "thank you."

Dan was stunned again. Not only had she called him Dan, but she had thanked him. That moment he realized that something was changing, the Claire Carlysle story came into the forefront of his mind, and guilt took over. He smiled at her and gave a slight nod, then turned and left.

When he got home, he couldn't write.


	5. Chapter 5

_This chapter is a bit different as Dan interacts with a few different people, one specifically he hasn't spent time with yet in this fic, but it was a storyline from the show that I really wanted to incorporate into this fic over the next few chapters!_

* * *

"Humphrey, readers want romance." Shapiro said forcefully as he leant forward over the table like he was about to jump over it and strangle Dan.

"But, that's not true at all." Dan argued, he knew he was right so he wasn't scared to argue this point. Shapiro himself had never been one for romance, so Dan didn't know how he of all people could be saying.

"Yes, clichéd romance won't interest the cultured and intellectuals and literary geniuses. What I mean is, the readers that will be reading your story, will want a little romance in there to stir things up."

"What readers…..what?" Dan asked quietly, feeling quite lost.

"I passed the last few chapters on Blair Waldorf along to a friend of mine. He liked them. If you can polish them up a bit more he'll publish them in New York Magazine." Shapiro responded with a knowing smile, casually giving Dan the biggest news of his life.

"New York Ma…." Dan was in disbelief, he didn't know what to say. Then reality hit in. "No, I can't publish this. If Blair, or Serena find out about this, I'll-

"Humphrey, who, out of the people who are going to read this, will be able to figure out that this story is about Blair? Besides, we won't use your real name. Nobody will know."

"I don't know…I'm not exactly what you call lucky. Generally, in my life, what can go wrong will go wrong. In fact, I've been tempting fate just by writing the story." Dan rambled, waving his hands around as he spoke, but Shapiro's seemed completely settled during Dan's outburst.

"Do you want to be a writer?" He asked as he pulled his glasses off.

"Yes." Dan replied after an initial hesitance, but when he said it they both knew he meant it.

"Then you're just going to have to decide how much you want to be a writer." Shapiro stated, then he relaxed back into his chair. "I'll give you some time to think about it. In the meantime, James Wolfe, the director at New York Magazine, wants a slightly different angle on the story. He was thinking that it can be an expose on the Upper East Side teenager of sorts, emphasis on the parent's involvement, or lack thereof."

"So, you're thinking…basically he wants it to be about how all the people seem to have it all on the outside, but on the inside they're terrible people who torment their children, thereby turning them into terrible people and it's a vicious cycle?"

"Something like that." Shapiro agreed. "We want more about Claire Carlyle's childhood, find out what made her the way she is."

Dan brought his hand to his brow and took a deep breath as he thought about whether he could agree to this or not.

"I'll see what I can come up with. And about New York Magazine-"

"You can think about it. But if you decide that you don't want to have your work published, don't bother with the next chapter, don't bother writing anything if you don't have what it takes."

Dan's jaw tensed. With that ultimatum hanging over his head, Dan pushed his chair back from the desk and marched out of Shapiro's office.

Dan spent his journey home thinking about how much he hated Noah Shapiro. When he first got the internship with him, Dan felt elated and had tried not to let himself get carried away imagining the comradery that would grow between them, the collaborations they might work on and how Shapiro could change his life. Then, when Dan actually starting spending time with Shapiro, he had tried to paint him as an eccentric to excuse his brashness and callous candour. That only lasted a few days until Dan was forced to admit to himself that he hated Shapiro. Real hate, not just dislike. But he had never stopped respecting him.

That's why Dan had utilized this opportunity as much as he could. Shapiro wasn't going to coddle and protect him. He was going to be cold, condescending and crass, but it would make Dan a better writer. That's why Dan had told himself that he was going to stick it out with Shapiro no matter what it took, because he knew that in the end, he would be better for it.

For the first time, he was starting to doubt that belief. He wanted to go to someone for advice, and usually the first person he would turn to would be his dad, but Rufus had already made his feelings on Dan writing about Blair perfectly clear, so Dan knew that he couldn't be objective about this dilemma.

When he got home, Jenny was holed up her room with that model friend again and made it clear to Dan that she didn't want to be disturbed. Which he was fine with, because he didn't want to be disturbed either. He had a childhood that he knew nothing about to analyse.

He knew that Blair's mom had always been critical and dismissive towards her, and that she'd been a daddy's girl up until he left, but Dan just needed a few details. He thought about Serena first. He could somehow coax an anecdote or two out of her, but he'd had to carefully monitor himself about how much he talked to Serena about Blair. But despite Serena's endearing cluelessness, he couldn't think of a way to get her to divulge information about Blair's childhood without making her suspicious. The next person he thought of was Nate. Since Yale, they'd hung out a few times as Nate still seemed to be on the outs with Chuck for whatever reason. It had seemed at first that Nate had really been trying to hang out with Serena, but she'd been quite busy with Aaron, so Dan and Nate, her two former flames, were forced together.

Not that Dan minded, Nate was a good guy and not to mention a laidback guy, being around him made Dan feel calmer. Craving a careless afternoon, Dan called Nate and made plans with him, forgetting that his main objective was meant to be digging up information on Blair.

He headed to Nate's place, but when he got to the gate, he found a seized notice on the step. He headed around the back way and called for Nate as he searched through the rooms. There was no furniture and when he flipped the light switch they didn't come on. At that moment, Nate began to call him.

"Hey, man." Dan said casually, feigning innocence never having been his strong suit. "Yeah we're meeting at the park. I'll see you in ten."

He hung up and looked over at makeshift bed on the floor, along with a book, some candles and some clothes. So much for hanging out with Nate to help him relax.

"Hey, Serena." Dan had called her the first chance he got, while Nate bought some water. "Have you talked to Nate lately?"

"No, is everything okay?" She responded, having picked up on Dan's panicked tone.

"I don't know, I…I don't know if I should tell you." Dan struggled.

"No, tell me. If something's wrong with Nate, you have to tell me." Serena said.

"Serena! Hang up on that hopeless Humphrey now,_ I_ need you." A shrill voice called out in the background.

"Is that Blair?" Dan asked.

"Yeah, she's…got this babysitting problem, it's a long story. What's going on with Nate?"

"I can't tell you on the phone, he's heading over now. Are you at home?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'll bring him over, I'll find a way to tell you about it when we have a minute alone. And hey, if you help me with my problem, maybe I'll be able to help you and Blair out." Dan lifted his arm and gestured as if Serena could see him as she agreed, then he hung up just as Nate reached him, offering a bottle of water.

"Hey, who was that?" Nate asked.

"Serena. There's some kind of…babysitting problem with Blair. I told her we'd go over now to try and help out, if you don't mind." Dan said, shrugging his shoulders and gesticulating dramatically, like he always did when he was trying to act normal.

"Sure." Nate nodded, oblivious to Dan's odd behaviour.

On the way to Serena's, Dan nonchalantly asked Nate if he was friends with Blair now or if it was awkward between them, carefully starting the process that he hoped would lead to Nate talking about growing up with Blair. But Nate seemed down, he generally answered Dan's questions with one word, and when Dan was real lucky, a shrug too. No sooner had they stepped into Serena's living room, did a young, Blair-minion-wannabe strut up to them wearing what Dan was sure was one of Serena's dresses.

"Uh…who are you?" Dan asked awkwardly as the girl seemed to eye-fuck Nate.

"Dan! You're here!" Serena emerged with Blair down the hallway, a big fake smile plastered on her. "This is Emma, we're taking her to the charity gala honoring my parents tonight. Dan, come, I need a guy's opinion on an outfit."

Serena pushed Blair towards Nate and Emma, then grabbed Dan's hand and dragged him to the bedroom, slamming the door behind them.

"Ok, what's going on?" Her tone changed instantly and she crossed her arms.

"I'm not sure exactly. I thought I was meeting him at his house earlier, but when I got there…it was empty. Well, all accept a sleeping bag and some hair products, but…there was a seized notice by the front door."

"Oh, my God." Serena gasped. "Nate, is he-"

"He doesn't know that I went there, so you can't tell him. I just…I didn't know what to do, I hoped that you might."

"I wish I did." Serena replied under her breath. "I'll figure something out, just don't let on that you know."

"Oh, sure." Dan replied and Serena raised an eyebrow at him. "I know I'm not the best actor, but…I only have to fool Nate."

"That's true." Serena chuckled.

"So, what's the babysitting problem? Emma seems like she'd be easy to take care of…"

"_Easy_? Yes, that's kind of the problem. Emma is Dean Barube's niece, so Blair thought that the two of them could share a wonderful, classy, chick-flick kind of evening together so that Emma would tell Dean Barube all about how wonderful Blair Waldorf is and what a great asset she would be to Yale. But it turns out Emma wasn't thinking chick-flick for tonight, she was thinking….porn."

"Huh?" Dan really hadn't caught any of what Serena had just said.

"She wants to lose her virginity tonight." Serena made it clear.

"Oh." Dan caught up. "So, the charity gala…?"

"Just trying to keep her occupied. You and Nate should come too."

"I would, but…." Dan paused, trying to gather all his conflicting objectives. If he went, it would be a night to observe Blair. Not to mention he'd be with Serena and Nate too and might be able to find a way to ask them some questions about Blair's childhood. Maybe it would help Nate somehow too. If not, then at least Dan brought a few more hours to figure out what to do on that front too. Plus, he had Serena trying to help now too, while he was simultaneously trying to help her and Blair with the Virgin Scary, surely they'd all be better off sticking together for the night. "Why not?"

Dan found Serena at the gala later, when he was scanning the crowd for leggy blondes, he almost thought he saw Jenny, but when he looked back she was gone, so he headed straight to Serena.

"Hey, have you figured out a way to help Nate yet?" He asked straight away, bypassing greetings.

"No." Serena sounded frustrated. "I've spent the last hour casually reminding him of how long we've been friends and that he can come to me with anything with the hopes that he'll confide in me but…nothing."

"And Blair?"

"The human contraceptive? She's stalking Emma." Serena popped an olive into her mouth, just as Blair stormed over to them, like she was just doing it to prove Serena wrong.

"Humphrey, what are you doing here?" Blair focused in on him.

"I invited him." Serena answered for him. "Blair, shouldn't you be watching Emma?"

"Please, have you seen the guys here? No, why? Because there are no _guys_ here, just geriatric menfolk who wouldn't have the competence to pop her cherry even if she wanted them to. Not without medication anyway."

"Ew." Serena scrunched her face.

"Where is she now then?" Dan asked, scanning the crowd, but only seeing the geriatric menfolk that she had described. Blair followed his gaze, looking slightly panicked, but before she could react the lights went down and some music came on.

'J Humphrey Designs' flashed on the televisions screens as a troupe of models marched in and began to dance around whilst giving out pseudo J Humphrey Designs business cards.

"This is why you're here!" Blair turned to him accusingly. "You're helping you're status-seeker sister throw a guerrilla fashion show!"

"What? I have no idea what's going on!" Dan replied clearly taken aback, and Blair, who hadn't really thought he had anything to do with it anyway, knew he was telling the truth.

"I don't have time for this, I have a virgin to find."

"Hey, I'll go with you." Dan said, already falling into step behind her, but she froze in place and turned back to him, giving him the same puzzled look that Serena was.

"Hey Dan, can you believe that Jenny did all this?" Nate asked as she joined the group, then noticed the tension. "What's going on?"

"We've got a virgin to find." Dan took charge. "Serena, grab Emma's photo off of facebook and send it into Gossip Girl so she can put an APB out on her."

"Excuse me, scheming is my thing." Blair whined, pointing to her chest as Serena began to do as Dan has asked.

"Yeah, well, your _scheme_ to bring Emma to this party in the first place didn't exactly work out did it?" Dan responded.

"Oh, and you think all you have to do is send a picture to Gossip Girl and just like that we'll have her location?!" Blair snapped back, and Serena's phone beeped before Dan could reply to her.

"That was quick." Serena said as she checked her phone. "She's at 1Oak."

"I'm lost." Nate stated, hoping some would catch him up.

"We'd explain to you on the way, but you still wouldn't get it." Blair said, grabbing Nate by the arm. "Come on, we've got to go find her now!"

Sitting in the back of a limo with Blair, Serena and Nate, Dan couldn't help but think about how strange this all was. Shapiro had wanted him to do the Shaughnessy thing and write from the inside, but he hadn't imagined it would be so easy to get involved in the weekly schemes and shenanigans of the Upper East Side.

"So, why am I here?" Nate asked, still confused even though Serena and Dan had ignored Blair's previous remarks and had been kind enough to explain Nate what was going on. But it seemed that Blair had been right and Nate still didn't get it.

"Think of Emma's hymen as the delicate physical manifestation of all my hopes and dreams. If it is broken then so are all my chances of getting into Yale and my whole life will be ruined!" Blair snapped.

"Nice imagery, Blair." Serena sighed as she rubbed her eyes.

"We're nearly there." Dan said, trying to calm everyone down and the limo pulled over a second letter.

The odd group headed inside, and tried to wade their way through the mass of bodies that affronted them. Nate headed straight to the bartender while the other three began to explore, Dan went one way while Serena and Blair went another. He did a quick circle then re-joined the girls at the same time that Nate did.

"I found her table." Nate said.

"As usual Archibald, you are behind the plot, she already left." Blair snapped.

"The bartender said she's in the corner booth." Nate added, gesturing in the direction of the booth, the four moved closer to see a middle-aged woman there with some sleazy guy that looked the same as pretty much every other guy in the club.

"That's not Emma, that's her mother." Blair explained.

"And that's not her father." Serena added, as the repulsive couple started to kiss.

"Oh, my God." Blair said, barely containing her glee as she raised her phone to take a snapshot of the pair.

"We still need to find Emma." Dan ordered, regaining everyone's focus.

"Why?" Blair asked as Nate headed back to the bartender for more information.

"Blair, this poor little girl's mother is having an affair, no wonder she's acting out." Serena urged her.

"So, this is my golden ticket." Blair responded, waving her phone with the picture on the view screen in front of Serena.

"You are not black-mailing that woman to get into Yale." Serena grew more forceful.

"Blair, you can do what you want with that picture, but…we can't just go home tonight with Emma God knows where with God knows who doing God knows what." Dan jumped in, trying to bring the two girls to a compromise.

"I got an address." Nate said as he got back to them.

"So, what are we doing now?" Dan turned to Blair.

"Fine, we'll save Little Red Riding Hood from the Big Bad Wolf."

The four headed to the door in unison, as Nate began to chuckle.

"What are you laughing at, Archibald?" Blair snapped.

"I'm just thinking…us four of all people trying to protect a young girl's virtue. Well, maybe Dan being here isn't much of a surprise, but I think it's funny that Blair, Serena and I are doing this."

Forty minutes later, they had grabbed Emma and were escorting her back home. Once they pulled up, Emma jumped out of the car and stormed inside, Blair chasing after her.

"I'm going to go too," Dan explained as he scooted towards the door, "I don't really think that stalking virgins is Blair's niche, not that it's mine, but…four hands are better than too. That still sounds gross, not even going to try with this next one; I'm going to go help Blair with the virgin."

He caught up to the two brunettes in the lobby, Emma seemed pissed, but Blair was surprisingly calm.

"There are better ways of getting your mother's attention." Dan heard Blair say as he edged closer.

"I told you, this is about Muffy-"

"Please. I wrote the book on distracted, self-centred mothers." Blair paused, as Dan stepped by her side. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to eavesdrop on her. He wanted her to know that he was there and that he was listening and, to his amazement, she continued. "My mom has never met a single one of my teachers, she regularly forgets my birthday and she only comments on my appearance when she has something to criticize."

"But you're perfect." Emma responded.

"True." Blair said and Dan smiled to himself. "That's why I finally realized it wasn't about me, the same way it's not about you."

"My mom always says when we come to the city we're going to hang out and do mother-daughter things, it never happens."

"So, tell her that." Blair took a deep breath and looked at Dan nervously before she continued. "When I told my mom how I really felt, it got better."

Dan gave her a knowing smile as her thought back to the time he had been the one to encourage her to tell her mother how she felt, and Blair smiled back. He'd never thought much of the day and whether it had really made a difference to Blair, but clearly it had.

"Come on, let's get you upstairs." Dan broke the silence, leading the two smiling girls to the elevator.

The smiles quickly disappeared though when they went into Emma's apartment and found her mother waiting there.

"Do you know what time it is?!" She snapped. "And look at that dress! You expect me to believe you went to the movies in that?"

"Mom, please don't. This isn't her fault-" Emma tried to explain, but for all her efforts she was sent to bed.

"Mrs Boardman, before you say anything you'll regret-" Blair began, as she stepped towards the woman with confidence.

"What was your plan? You and your boyfriend take my daughter clubbing and hope she'd plead your case to the Dean?"

"He is not my boyfriend!" Blair exclaimed, disgust evident in her voice.

"Mom, I can explain!" Emma rushed back into the room.

"I told you to go to bed."

"Blair was only trying to help me!"

"You're lecturing me? No wonder I don't want to spend time with you, bed! Right now!" This time Emma had no rebellion left in her, and she dejectedly left the room again.

Dan froze in place, looking to Blair who had her phone in her hands, ready to blackmail Mrs Boardman, but she seemed to be hesitating.

"You were saying?" Mrs Boardman turned her attention back to Blair.

"Just…your daughter is a great girl. You should pay more attention to her. Soon it will be too late." Blair said sadly, then she turned to leave and Dan followed her out.

"You did the right thing." Dan broke the silence in the elevator as they rode back down.

"Yeah, well, doing the right thing may have just cost me Yale." Blair replied bitterly.

Dan didn't know what to say. She wasn't wrong. As he shuffled nervously, he put his hands into his pocket and he felt one of the polaroid's for Jenny's fashion line. There was someone who had done something morally questionable for the sake of her future.

"What?" Blair snapped.

"I didn't say anything." Dan replied defensively.

"You were thinking too loud."

"Yeah, I was…I was just thinking about the future. And the lengths that you have to go to sometimes to get what you want."

"Is Dan Humphrey having an ethical crisis?" Blair asked, sounding amused.

"I guess you could say that."

"You'll do the right thing. You always do." Blair said as if it was a bad thing, but then, in a more wistful tone; "Nate's lucky he has you."

"What?"

"Serena told me what happened and that you're trying to help him."

"I don't know if you could call it trying…I want to help, but I don't what to start, I don't know what he needs."

"I do." Blair said with a perky confidence. "He needs a friend. That's why he's lucky he has you."

The elevator dinged as they reached the bottom floor and Blair sauntered ahead as Dan was stuck in place, wondering if Blair had actually just complimented him.

"Humphrey!" She turned back as she reached the door and he snapped out of his trance, and ran to catch up with her as she got back in the limo.

At Blair's demand, she was taken home first, then the limo headed to Brooklyn. It wasn't efficient by any means, but when Dan relayed his address to the limo driver he shared a look with Serena and she smiled at him, knowing what he was doing.

"Come on, Nate." Dan said when the limo stopped.

"What?" Nate was confused, as usual.

"I, uh…I know…about your house. And I know that…the loft isn't up to the Archibald standard, and my dad is probably screaming at Jenny in there right now, so it's not exactly relaxing, but it's…it's a home."

Nate still looked shocked and he looked to Serena.

"Dan told me." She confirmed. "I'm really sorry, Nate. But I think Dan's right, staying here for a while might be good for you."

"At least for tonight?" Dan added hopefully. "I'll take the sofa and you can get some sleep in a real bed."

"I guess." Nate relented, and Dan and Serena smiled instantly in response. Nate couldn't help but smile back at them, but it wasn't quite the same, he was still in shock and a bit embarrassed.

Dan didn't sleep well that night, and not just because he was on the couch, but Noah's words kept running through his mind.

'_You're just going to have to decide how much you want to be a writer'_

Dan really wanted it. And it seemed like fate, the way that Blair had talked about the issues with her mother on the night when he'd been trying to find out more about their relationship. On some level, he convinced himself that it was a sign, that this is what he was meant to do.

"Did you sleep well last night?" Rufus asked as they began eating breakfast while Nate was still asleep.

"No, I was…thinking about the Blair story." Dan admitted, hoping that he'd be able to share the fact that he would be getting published in New York Magazine with his father, and that he just might be happy for him. "I might be getting an opportunity to get it published."

"Dan, just because Jenny-"

"Dad, the morning after my little sister stages a fashion show that all of New York City will be talking about, is not the time for the slow and steady speech." Dan cut him off, pissed that he was right about Rufus not being happy or proud of him.

"I wish I could get the two of you to understand that success, people praising you, it goes away. And when that day comes, if you don't like who you are…you're done."

"Well, I guess that's a chance I'm willing to take."


	6. Chapter 6

"Meet James Wolfe." Shapiro gestured to the man next to him as Dan joined them at their table. "Senior Editor at New York Magazine."

"It's nice to meet you." Dan said, trying to appear suave as he shook the man's hand, even though he was shaking with excitement.

"Shapiro showed me your latest work on the Claire Carlyle story. I'm very interested." James Wolfe explained casually as if he wasn't giving Dan the break he'd been waiting for.

"Well, I'm…I'm flattered." Dan stammered mentally telling himself not to say too much, otherwise he'd end up rambling about how happy he is and what an honor and how this is like a dream to him, then before he'd know what was happening, he'd talk himself right out of this opportunity. "Your magazine doesn't usually publish fiction."

"It's not really fiction though, is it?" He replied confidently.

"It's…it's portrayed as fiction." Dan began to explain. "As much as I appreciate this opportunity, it can't be like…an exposé."

He instantly mentally kicked himself in the balls and started screaming at himself to stop talking.

"We won't print your name and we'll keep the pseudonyms you've already assigned to the characters. But the readers will love to know that this girl, with all her mommy issues and insecurities, exists somewhere within Manhattan's Elite."

Dan froze. He knew he was expected to give an answer now. The terms would be clarified, the chapters edited in collaboration with the editor and contracts signed. But he needed to answer now. Shapiro sensed his trepidation and leaned across the table.

"You just grew a pair, Humphrey. Don't lose them now." His beady eyes looked judgmentally upon Dan through his glasses. "This could open real doors for you."

Dan mentally weighed the decision. If he published it, odds are that nobody would find out it was about Blair, no one in his world or hers would even read it. And even if it did get out, it's not like the world would end. But if he didn't agree to this, after months of dedicating himself to chasing his dreams only to turn down a rather significant chance to get published, he would probably never forgive himself.

Instead of speaking, Dan reached across the table and James Wolfe reciprocated. Shapiro looked over the shaking hands with a smirk on his face.

Dan had thought that once he had committed to it, he'd be able to stop second-guessing himself. He was still terrified, a bit guilty but excited at the same time. He ignored the negative feelings, telling himself that he'd gone too far to turn back now.

He wanted to share the news. But Rufus was still freaking out about Jenny, who had moved in with her model friend and was still hell-bent on setting up her own fashion line. He had asked Dan to talk to her, which Dan had just to check in that she was okay, but he could understand why she was doing what she was doing and couldn't tell her that she should come home. So Dan came to the conclusion that telling his dad that his work on Blair was getting published, would not garner a celebratory hug. Probably a disappointed head shake, a sigh, and then a pat on the shoulder to show that even if he didn't agree with what Dan was doing, he was still proud. Dan decided that he would prefer to be spared from the pity pride.

The person he usually went to when it came to his writing was Vanessa, but she had been avoiding him since Nate had moved in. As for Nate…well, it was kind of like having a puppy. They kept him fed, whenever someone came home Nate was always happy to see them, he could find old mini basketballs that Dan had lost behind couches and sideboards years ago, then coerce Dan into playing catch with him. And as loyal as Nate probably was, Dan felt no inclination to tell him about what had been going on at all. Nate's loyalties probably lay with Blair over Dan anyway.

Since his stay, Nate had been moved into Dan's room and Dan had moved to Jenny's room. It probably wasn't the most efficient arrangement, but the idea of Nate sleeping in Jenny's bed freaked Dan out for some reason. More disturbing was the fact that Nate sleeping in his bed didn't bother him at all. Besides, Dan could sit working on his laptop, then Nate would come in and collapse on the bed then start throwing a ball up and down. Dan could make conversation and Nate would remain wonderfully clueless as Dan steered the conversation towards Blair. Dan had got lots of details out of him that really helped bring the Claire Carlyle character to life.

As for Blair herself, Dan hadn't seen her lately. Since Serena had started seeing Aaron, it got harder for Dan to put himself in situations where he could spend time with Blair. So, for the first time, he went out of his way to be manipulative. He called Serena, told her that Nate was down and needed a good distraction and probably to get out of Brooklyn for a few hours, Serena felt sympathetic and immediately invited the two of them to come and help prepare for Blair's birthday party. Dan told Nate that they had been summoned by the Queen B and off they went.

Walking into the penthouse still made Dan uncomfortable, even with an invite and an Archibald to escort him, he felt like he was trespassing in some way. Serena came out of the dining room in a hurry, with Blair following behind looking furious, her fists curled a little as they hung by her sides.

"Hi, guys!" Serena smiled at the two of them as she rushed past them. "I'd love to stay and help, but Aaron just texted me. You three can take care of this." She added, just as she stepped into the elevator and the doors shut.

Dan looked from the elevator to Blair and saw that she was not happy about being saddled with the two of them.

"Oh great, more work for me." Nate groaned as he made himself at home and slouched on the couch.

Blair looked pissed. Dan guessed that Serena had told Blair that she had to keep Nate entertained and to be nice to him, so for Serena to leave and then having Nate start to complain straight away clearly made her feel like she had been horribly wronged by everyone around her.

"What can we do?" Dan asked to try and relieve some of the tension that only he and Blair were aware of.

"This isn't exactly a party at the loft with banners, balloons and a face-cake, Humphrey. I've got staff on their way now with flowers, food and music. It's your job to watch over them while I get ready seeing as my mom is…indisposed. Archibald, I assume you remember my standards?"

Nate nodded in response and Blair turned back to Dan, who still hadn't taken more than two steps into her home.

"Good, you can educate Humphrey." She added, and then stormed off upstairs.

"Um…I'll be right back." Dan said awkwardly to Nate, before he followed Blair upstairs. He knew how strange that would look to Nate, but had no explanation to give quite yet. But if he knew Blair, which he was fairly certain that he did, there was something else going on here.

"Blair?" He asked delicately after he knocked on her door.

"If you and Nate find it too difficult a task to evaluate whether the flowers are fresh enough and if the food is being laid out symmetrically or not, you can refer to Dorota!" She yelled through the door.

Dan didn't respond, instead he took a risk and opened the door knowing that there was no other way he could get her to engage with him right now.

"Humphrey, what are you doing?!" She snapped as she saw his reflection in the mirror she was standing in front of. She had already changed into a short, dark robe and had gathered her hair back into a loose bun.

"I, uh…I'm not sure." He stuttered as he stepped inside and shut the door behind him.

"Okay, you're in my bedroom. This is far too disturbing." Blair scrunched up her face as she spun round.

"Hey, I've been in your bedroom before." He replied before thinking and they both paused. Neither had acknowledged the night she had come to see her after things between her and Chuck had been thoroughly destroyed.

"What do you want?" Blair crossed her arms.

"What's wrong? I know it's not me and Nate gate-crashing."

"It's just the stress of throwing an elegant and grandiose birthday party. You wouldn't understand." She explained as she turned back to the mirror and started playing with the strands of her that had fallen out of her bun.

"Blair…are you upset about Yale?" Dan tried his first guess.

"No. Believe it or not, everything with Emma turned out alright in the end. She talked to Dean Barube about me and led him to the conclusion that Yale could really use a girl like Blair Waldorf." She explained and Dan could see a hint of a smile in her reflection.

"That's great." He replied sincerely before he went to his second guess. "So, where's your mom?"

It was microscopic, but Dan saw her shoulders drop slightly and her eyes dart to the floor. He had got it.

"My mother is spending the afternoon with her new boyfriend, Cyrus Rose." She answered, her voice and facial expressions bother under complete control.

"On your birthday?" Dan asked, stepping closer to her.

"She'll be here later." Blair replied in a lighter tone as she turned back round to look at Dan again.

"And, the new boyfriend…do you like him?" Dan kept poking. He could tell that Blair wanted to vent, that she wanted to scream and stamp her feet and demand that her mother pay more attention to her, it was just a question of whether she felt she could vent in front of him.

"I have things to do." She stated unconvincingly. Dan nodded understandingly and he could see that she was relieved that he had dropped the subject. But he wasn't giving up quite yet. He turned away from her and wondered over to her bed, taking a seat on it.

"You know…I consider myself to be a pretty rational guy, but…when it comes to my parents….I don't even know why, because I want my mom to be happy, I do, but…when I go visit her and see her with her new boyfriend, it just makes me so _angry_. It makes my skin crawl. I've got no illusions about my parents getting back together, I know that that's never going to happen, so I don't know if that's why I get mad, or…or if it's just the fact that…I barely see my mom as it is. And now when I do, I have to share her. She's been building this new life, and no matter what she says to the contrary, I'm not a part of it. And if your own mom can't put you first…they're supposed to put _you _first. You want them to be able to recognize when something is hurting you so much and you want them to fix it…even when you know that that won't really make you feel any better, because then you'll just feel guilty about taking something away from them…it would be nice if they could at least could take notice of how you feel." He stopped them, reading Blair's face and trying to gage whether to continue or not. She watched him in the same way, curious to see if he was going to continue, or if he was going to spell out his point even though it was pretty clear, when it was clear neither of them were going to speak, she broke the silence.

"It would be nice if you would recognize that I'm going to have to burn those bed sheets now." She huffed impatiently.

"Right, sorry." Dan reacted quickly, jumping off her bed. He hadn't been aware of what he was doing when he had sat down there. "I should probably get back to Nate…I mean, I guess you know why…"

"Yes, Serena told me that Nate probably needed to get out of Brooklyn for a night. How could I not take pity on him?" Blair confirmed.

"How could you not?" Dan repeated, smiling at her before he let himself out of her room and left her to get dressed.

Dan wondered back downstairs to find the penthouse half transformed for Blair's elegant party already. He tried to keep out of the way of the servers that rushed around as he made his way to Nate, who was rearranging a vase of flowers in the dining room.

"If Blair comes down and sees the ratio of gladiolas to cabbage roses in here, someone's going to bleed." Nate sighed as he saw Dan approach and began to pull the gladiolas out. Dan had no idea what he was talking about, and simply gave Nate a half-stunned, half-concerned look. "Hey, I dated Blair Waldorf for half my life, of course I know about this kind of stuff."

"Sure…whatever." Dan replied suspiciously.

"So, what was all that about?" Nate stopped and turned to Dan, gesturing upstairs.

"What was all what…?" Dan repeated, trying to buy time to think of something.

"You running after Blair." Nate clarified, crossing his arms ready to counterattack any of Dan's fake cluelessness.

"Oh, I was just…asking Blair about the flowers. You're right by the way, she said that she didn't want many cabbage…"

"Roses?" Nate asked as Dan had already forgotten what they were called.

"Yeah, that's right." Dan nodded, but Nate's demeanour was unchanged. He remained facing Dan, his arms crossed and an expectant look on his face. "What?"

"I heard you on the phone to Serena earlier, you know I'd rather be in Brooklyn than helping Blair with her party which leads me to believe that _you_ would rather be helping Blair with her party then be in Brooklyn."

"It's not what you think." Dan blurted out as fast as he could. "I..I..I…."

"You like Blair." Nate stated matter-of-factly.

"No!" Dan began to panic. "No, no, no. I…I…I can't explain."

"Relax, your secret's safe with me." Nate friendlily hit him on the arm and wondered back into the reception area, Dan followed right behind him.

"Nate, listen, you got it wrong. I don't-" Dan continued to ramble, but was interrupted by Dorota's entrance into the room. Dan and Nate froze awkwardly as she watched over the staff rushing in and out of the room and seemed to mutter things in Polish under her breath.

Forty minutes passed agonizingly slowly as Dan pretended he cared about how the food was laid out and side-eyed Nate, overwhelmed with embarrassment whenever Nate caught his eye and seemed to laugh under his breath. As soon as Dan got the chance, he rushed back to Nate's side.

"Look, I can assure you that I don't like Blair." Dan cut straight to the point.

"Sure you don't." Nate replied as a big smile spread across his face.

"No, really, there's…I can't tell you what's going on, but…I don't like her." Dan repeated.

"You are such a bad liar." Nate shook his head gleefully as he teased Dan.

"What's he lying about?" Both boys turned as they heard Blair's voice.

She began to descend the stairs as Dan took in the sight of her. He didn't think he'd ever seen her in a dress that short and his eyes cast over her slim legs that impossibly still had a hint of a tan leftover from the summer. Overall, Dan didn't really like the dress. He wasn't a fan of ruffles, but…with Blair in it, it didn't look so bad. It showed a lot of skin, but somehow she pulled it off as elegantly as he was sure she hoped. Maybe it was the poise and grace in which she moved. Perhaps it was the way her hair had been loosely pulled back making her look like a 50's movie star, or maybe it was the way the thin but bold eyeliner framing her eyes demanded that you stare into them until you forget your own name.

"What's Humphrey lying about?" Blair repeated as she reached the bottom of the stairs.

Dan looked to Nate, who judging from the grin he couldn't supress, had been watching Dan. Dan quickly felt the need to internally explain away what had just happened. It's because of what Nate had been saying. That had freaked him out, so when he saw Blair he froze. That was all. Not that long ago, he had been in her bedroom, on her bed and she had been in a silk dressing gown, and he hadn't freaked out then. This was definitely Nate's fault.

"I was just asking him if he knew what had happened to this steak and cheese sub that I had in the fridge." Nate told Blair, that smug smile not leaving his face for one instant no matter how much Dan wished it away.

"You know, I don't know which one of you I pity the most for having to live with the other." Blair stated. "Anyway, you two can go now." She added dismissively.

"Yeah, of course." Dan agreed, already stepping towards the elevator.

"You'll be back at seven then?" Blair asked casually.

"What?" Dan stopped in his tracks, Nate still hadn't moved.

"For my party." Blair said as if it was obvious. "You two don't really think that I'd make you help and then not invite you do you?"

Dan paused. That is exactly what he thought.

"Sounds great, Blair. We'll see you at seven." Nate said as if it was the best news he'd gotten in his life before he joined Dan in the elevator.

"I hate you." Dan said as soon as the doors closed and Nate chuckled in response.

The whole way back to the loft, Dan was analyzing his choices. And as much as the idea of it repulsed him, Nate thinking that he liked Blair would have its advantages. Dan would be able to ask him questions about her without any pretences and maybe Nate would even help to get the two of them in the same room more often. But actually telling Nate that he liked Blair…eugh, it sent shivers down Dan's spine.

Nate made conversation about the weather and how they should grab some food before they went back to Blair's, but he kept eyeing Dan in that smug way. Especially when he'd say Blair's name. Dan would squirm under his stare and continue to argue with himself over what to tell Nate.

They got changed and as Nate lent Dan one of his jackets, he made a comment about how he should make an effort for Blair and Dan made the choice that he would spend the rest of the night wishing he hadn't.

"Okay, okay, you can stop now. I'm admitting it." He said with a nervous smile.

"You like Blair." Nate seemed to say to himself, like it was too good to be true. "How did this happen?"

"I don't know." Dan whined. "Can we just…go? And can you please stop giving me that look. I'm not going to do anything about it, so…it's really not worth all the drama that would happen if anyone else found out."

"You're probably right." Nate sighed, his hand falling on Dan's shoulder. "But if you don't want anyone to find out, you've got to stop looking at her all googly-eyed."

"I wasn't…" Dan trailed off. He didn't have the energy or will to argue, so he decided to let Nate believe what he wanted. "Okay, I'll try. Let's go."

At first he felt relieved. Once Dan had admitted to liking Blair – even though he definitely did not – Nate had backed off. He stopped giving Dan that knowing look and stopped pointedly saying Blair's name. But that doesn't mean he wasn't paying attention. When they arrived, Nate's face fell immediately as he saw that someone had disturbed the flowers that he had arranged and rushed over to correct them again. This left Dan alone when Blair came over to greet them, Dan awkwardly wished her a happy birthday, but he couldn't help but glance over at Nate, who, like Dan had expected, was watching them expectantly.

The whole night was like that. Every move Dan made, he knew Nate was watching and so he decided to keep his distance from Blair as best he could. He'd probably got enough material for another chapter from earlier in the day anyway. He didn't need to know what was going on with Blair, her mom and her mom's new boyfriend. And he really didn't care.

Maybe he was a bit curious. A healthy curiosity. So, he turned his attention to Eleanor. And when her new boyfriend showed up, Dan almost choked on the crudité he had been trying to chew on inconspicuously while he stalked Blair's mother. No wonder Blair had freaked out, this guy was so not…acceptable. Not to Dan, but to Blair. But once he got over the initial shock, one thing became obvious to Dan – this guy adored Eleanor.

The next thing that became obvious to Dan was that Blair had obviously done something to mess with the two of them, because Eleanor seemed pissed and Cyrus had to leave. He then saw Eleanor go to Blair and say something to her, he couldn't make out what it was but he knew guilt when he saw it on Blair's face. And once Eleanor left, it only intensified.

Dan couldn't deny the thrill he'd started to get when things like this happened. It wasn't about the drama, the schemes or the even the raw emotion of it all. It was these very specific moments when the situation fell into Blair's hands and he couldn't guess what she was going to do next. From the look on her face, he could see that she didn't know what to do next either.

Nate's presence began to linger in the back of Dan's mind, but he couldn't take his eyes off of Blair. He had to see what was going to happen next. And what did happen, he could never have predicted. Cyndi Lauper showed up. Blair exchanged a few sentences with her, and then she grabbed her coat and was gone.

So, Dan waited. He loitered by the snacks, his eyes casting up at the door every four seconds to see if Blair had returned yet.

"Oh, my God. Dan Humphrey is here."

Dan didn't recognize the voice, but the tone of disgust and condescension was far too familiar. He turned and there was Penelope with Hazel at her side.

"You were not invited, I was in charge of the guest list!" Penelope stepped towards him and strangely enough Dan could see that it wasn't hatred spurning her on, but fear. She was obviously terrified about what Blair was going to do to her.

"Last minute invite." Dan shrugged as he crunched on a bit of carrot, strangely enjoying the bizarre torture he was inflicting in front of them.

"It was you!" Penelope quickly turned on Hazel. "Are you so desperate to get a boyfriend that you actually invited Humdrum-Humphrey to Blair's elegant birthday party?"

"Ladies," Nate swooped in majestically at just the right time, "is everything alright?"

He suavely placed a hand on each of their arms, making them melt instantly. Dan was sure that Nate hated them just as much as he did, so he really didn't know how he could put on a nice smile for the two of them.

"Oh, Nate," Penelope suddenly became a bit breathless, "I didn't know you were invited."

"I don't believe that I was originally, but Dan and I helped Blair get ready today, so she asked us to come." He explained politely.

"Blair invited you?" Penelope asked.

"Both of you?" Hazel added.

"That's right." Nate stated, still maintaining his smooth persona. But Dan could see that Nate was only doing this for him.

At that moment, Dan saw Blair reappear with Cyrus at her side, and excused himself. Nate followed his gaze and couldn't stop the grinning as he looked back at Dan.

Dan ignored him and kept his focus on Blair as she appeared to send Cyrus ahead to talk to Eleanor in the kitchen, then stepped towards her once she was alone.

"You did a good thing." He said, startling her as he spoke.

"I must say, I don't know what you're talking about." Blair replied innocuously as she smoothed a hand over her hair.

"Right. I'll admit that I didn't see a lot…but I saw enough to know that you did a good thing."

"My mother is dating a man shorter than me. How is that a good thing?"

"Look how happy you made her." Dan replied, gesturing towards the kitchen. She peered round the doorway to see her mother and Cyrus kissing.

"That's disgusting." She said when she turned back to Dan, but he saw her smile when she looked to the ground.

"So…seeing as I wasn't really invited to your party until four hours ago, I didn't get you a gift-"

"It's probably a good thing that I'm spared your taste in gifts." Blair interjected, raising her hand towards him dismissively.

"Well, I suppose me giving up my afternoon to help you with your party could count as a gift." Dan said, unfazed by her insult.

"Please, Humphrey. You didn't do anything. I know Nate's flower arrangements when I see them." Blair smirked. "I am the one who taught him, after all."

"Hey, I gave…my time. And that's like…priceless." Dan stuttered.

"With an imagination like that, it's no wonder you're a writer." Blair laughed and Dan laughed along with her, until he remembered the deal he had made earlier that day.

"Blair!" Eleanor's voice beckoned from the kitchen.

"Well, I have some explaining to do." Blair huffed. "Thank you, Humphrey."

"No, problem. Happy Birthday, Blair." Dan smiled as she walked dejectedly to her mother.

His eyes fell to her legs again. They looked smooth. He then asked himself what the hell he was doing and wished that he could blame this one on Nate too.

He and Nate left shortly after. It was obvious that Nate was dying to ask him some questions, but thankfully he didn't that night. But Dan knew it would only be a matter of time until Nate would push him for more information. He wondered if this meant he'd have to make it look like he was actively pursuing Blair when Nate was around.

When Dan got home, he collapsed on Jenny's bed and could have fallen asleep right there with all his clothes on if it wasn't for Nate's arrival.

"Sorry man, I thought you might want your laptop before I go to bed." He explained as he passed the laptop into Dan's hand.

"Oh yeah, thanks man." Dan replied. Every night that Nate had stayed there so far, Dan had always forgotten to go get his laptop every night before Nate had gone to bed, and had trudged in to get it so he could do some writing before he fell asleep.

He looked at the laptop in his hands and realized that he hadn't thought about writing the Blair story for most of the night. Everything he had done that night had just been him doing what he wanted, not for some ulterior motive. As he realized this, he simultaneously came to the conclusion that he had to stop writing the story on Blair.


	7. Chapter 7

"I have to say you have surpassed my expectations, Humphrey."

Dan, with his penchant for self-deprecation, wondered if Shapiro was more drunk than usual.

"James Wolfe told me that you sent him the final draft on the first chapter of _'Claire Carlyle; Confessions of an Upper East Side Princess'_ and that it would be published next week. Nice title by the way." Shapiro continued, entirely oblivious to Dan's discomfort.

"It wasn't my idea." Dan replied stoically. He had committed to the Claire Carlyle story and was going to see it through, but he didn't understand what Shapiro's involvement in the story was anymore. Dan hadn't even sent him the latest chapters, they went straight to James Wolfe now. "Look, I appreciate how much you've helped me out with the Claire Carlyle story and how much it's benefitted my career already, but I want to get back to writing fiction again."

"Humphrey, how many chapters did you agree to write again? It was twelve, right? With the possibility of more?" Shapiro took off his glasses as he spoke and coolly leant back in his chair as he breathed on them and wiped the lenses.

"That's right." Dan coldly confirmed.

"And you think that now would be a good time to start on a new project?" Shapiro asked almost mockingly.

"The way I see it, the Claire Carlyle story has a very clear beginning, middle and end, it's done. I've finished it, I want to move on." Dan said, much more forcefully than he would usually talk to his mentor. "I can't write about Blair anymore, I tried it, it worked, but now it's over. I can't just keep…exploiting her life. Listen, I have an idea for a new story, it's this alternative history of-"

"I'm sorry, it's over?" Shapiro interrupted him and sat back up in his chair again. "You are finally getting published, you've started making contacts in the industry and just like that, you've decided that it's over?"

"I just meant that particular story-"

"Humphrey, you've been commissioned for twelve chapters, it doesn't mean that you stop there. It is very likely that once the first few chapters are published, you will be commissioned for more." Shapiro stated condescendingly.

Dan had probably never hated Shapiro more than he did in that moment, when he was completely unwilling to hear Dan's opinions and was talking to him like he was an idiot.

"Then, I guess I'd have to say no." Dan replied confidently. He had never intended to get to this point, and was already guessing how soon he'd start to regret this, but he'd hit his breaking point and there was no going back.

"You'd just say no to getting published?"

"Yeah. You see, I'm not going to just keep writing a story just because it's what some big-time editor wants, not if I don't believe in it. I guess you could call it authorial integrity." Definitely no going back now.

"See, I thought the word for that was unemployment."

Dan didn't respond, he simply didn't need to. Shapiro didn't get it, he'd never get it. Blair didn't mean anything to him, and Dan was sure that even he was nothing more than a toy to Shapiro. Well, he wasn't going to be played anymore. Without a word, he stood up and left, sure that he would never go back again.

He took no more than three steps outside when someone called his name and he turned to see a tall guy in a suit and trench coat, who had obviously been waiting there for him.

"I'd like to talk to you about Nate Archibald." The man continued, displaying his FBI badge while Dan was froze in place.

Of all the things to happen on Thanksgiving. Dan genuinely liked Nate and considered him a good friend, but this was way out of his league. So, he flipped open his phone and called a number that he wasn't sure why he had deleted yet.

"Hey," Dan greeted awkwardly, "I know that you hate me and…well the feeling is mutual, but…I need your help. Nate needs your help."

Of course Chuck wouldn't just grab a cab and meet Dan at the gallery. No, he had to take that limo everywhere, no matter how much Dan had tried to get him to understand how important it was that they try to remain inconspicuous. Dan unlocked the gallery and relayed to Chuck what he had been told.

"You were right, you do need my help." Chuck murmured as he reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a flask.

Dan thought about just how perfect his day was already. It started off with Shapiro, and now he had another condescending asshole to patronize him, not to mention his run in with the FBI.

"It's a good thing I called Blair and Serena, they should be here soon." Chuck added as he shifted in his chair to pull one leg up so that his foot rested on his opposing knee, making himself perfectly comfortable.

"What? Chuck I told you how important it was that you keep this secret. We're talking about the FBI here." Dan chastised from the counter, no one was listening to him today.

"I know what I'm doing, Humphrey." Chuck was unfazed. "When we confront Nate, he'll be more likely to do the right thing if he knows that there are people who care about him."

"So, you're thinking an intervention?"

"Something like that." Chuck responded, before he took another sip out of the flask.

"Yeah, I'm sure this is all for Nate's benefit and not you just exploiting the situation to see Blair." Dan muttered as he moved around the counter to greet the girls as he heard them arriving.

Chuck didn't have time to respond before they arrived. Dan glanced at his face for a moment and almost thought he saw suspicion.

"Hey, guys, what's going on?" Serena asked breathlessly as she rushed in with Blair at her side.

"Chuck can fill you in, I need to call my dad." Dan explained as he by-passed them so that he can have some privacy, but Serena interrupted him before he could get away.

"Your dad? He's at my place with my mom." She said.

"He is?" Dan's face instantly screwed up mostly shocked and partly concerned.

"Yeah, something to do with Jenny." Serena explained.

"Of course this is happening today." Dan muttered under his breath as he turned his back to Serena and pulled out his mobile phone.

Rufus briefly filled him in on Jenny's attempts to emancipate herself, Dan asked if there was anything he could do to help, which there wasn't, and then decided not to burden his dad with the drama he was dealing with that day. He hung up, but immediately his phone started to ring, it was Vanessa.

"Vanessa, hey, I can't talk right now." He said quickly.

"What? Why not?" She responded.

"I can't really explain, it's about Nate."

"Well, are you at the loft? I was just calling to see if you wanted me to pick up anything on my way over."

Dan clamped his eyes shut and brought his free hand to his face and pinched the top of his nose. He'd forgotten that he had invited Vanessa over for Thanksgiving dinner and now he was going to have to abandon her.

"No, I'm not." He replied slowly. "Look, I'm at the gallery with Serena and…Blair and Chuck."

"You're ditching me on Thanksgiving to spend the day with Serena, Blair and Chuck?" Vanessa's voice sounded venomous down the phone, but Dan knew that she was hurt. He'd been ditching her a lot lately.

"It's not like that, but _please_, let me explain. Later. Tonight! Please, come over tonight and I will explain everything. I promise." He desperately urged her.

"Fine." She responded curtly.

"So, I'll see you later?"

"Sure." She said in the same bitter tone.

"Okay." Dan confirmed awkwardly before he hung up the phone and finally returned to the others.

"Dan, you need to call that FBI guy here." Serena rushed up to him as soon as he entered the room.

"Are you sure?" Dan asked as he looked from her to Chuck and Blair who both wore determined yet expectant expressions.

"Yes, and then you need to call Nate here." Blair added assertively.

"Why me?" Dan asked nervously.

"Because if any of _us_ called him to meet here, he'd get suspicious and might not show." Serena explained quickly, clearly worried about her friend.

Dan agreed, the phone calls were made and the plan set in motion. Dan started making coffees, the impending arrival of one, possibly more, FBI agents awakened his desire to please authority figures. Chuck had gone downstairs to tell his driver to keep the limo out of sight and when Serena got a phone call with Aaron and flitted off to the hallway, Dan was left with Blair.

He walked over to the table where she had taken a seat and placed a cup of coffee in front of her, but she didn't acknowledge him. Undeterred by this, he sate opposite her and began to drink the coffee he had brought her himself, making sure to sigh as he took a sip.

"I'm sorry that this is how you're spending your Thanksgiving. Serena told me that it's your favourite holiday." Dan finally spoke as he watched Blair intently and waited for a reaction.

"Don't worry about it, Humphrey. My Thanksgiving was ruined before I was forced to come to Brooklyn." She snapped, before her eyes fell back onto her hands as she pretended to study her cuticles.

"What happened?" Dan asked, not sure how if he was being presumptuous, but actually believing that she might just tell him.

"My…my _mother_," she said pointedly, glancing up at Dan before she continued, "is engaged to Cyrus Rose."

Dan remained quiet. He knew that she probably had more to say and that even if she didn't, any advice that he could give would be unwelcome at this point.

"And she didn't tell me." Blair continued. "She's going to announce it to his whole family later, just lumping me in with everyone else. I guess I'm not important enough to tell separately."

"You know that's not true." Dan said. "Maybe…maybe she's just afraid of how you're going to react, and that's why she hasn't told you. So, she thinks that if she tells you when everyone else is there, you'll just have to accept it."

"Is that supposed to be any better?" Blair retorted.

"Probably not. Maybe there's another explanation completely, I don't know. You know what I do know?" He asked, a slight smile forming.

"Very little." Blair snapped.

"I know that no matter how your mother is acting," Dan continued, ignoring Blair's insult, "it's not because you've done anything wrong. It's not about you. You remember telling Emma that, right?"

"I do." Blair responded slowly.

"Then you remember saying how when you told your mom how you really felt that it got better?" Dan pushed gently.

"I do." Blair repeated. "But I'm surprised that you remember it."

"You're worth remembering." It had sounded cheesy even to him, but Dan was sure he had no control over his mouth at that time. It was just a reflex, Dan was a nice guy. He says cheesy things like that all the time. It didn't mean anything.

Still, as he spoke the words with a tranquil assurance, his eyes focused on Blair to ensure that she knew he meant what he was saying. She looked stunned and he smiled at her, that action only prolonging her seeming immobilization. He held the moment, he didn't want to say a word or move a muscle in case it somehow broke the timeless isolation from the rest of the world that they were sharing. But she moved. He watched as she blinked her eyes becoming more relaxed and even warm as she opened again, and her lips began to curve in a shy smile.

The moment was broken. Not by Dan or Blair, but Serena's re-entrance into the room.

"Chuck just text me, the FBI guy's here." Serena declared as she unknowingly shattered the mood in the room.

Dan and Blair looked at her in shock, still recovering from what had happened and unable to respond. Serena looked at them expectantly and Dan thought that she couldn't possibly be suspicious about what had just happened. Not that anything had happened.

"I'm going to meet them downstairs." Serena added as she narrowed her eyes slightly at Dan before she was gone again.

Dan shifted awkwardly as he was left alone with Blair again, he wanted to somehow pull what had happened, just a few moments past, back into the present, but it was long-gone now. So he casually asked what he was desperate to know.

"So, is it awkward for you being around Chuck?" He tried his best to sound like a curious friend.

"It's a bit strange. But this is for Nate, so…"

"Sure." Dan said unconvincingly. "But you realize, you and Serena, you're not exactly needed. Serena's Serena, she cares about Nate and even if she can't really do anything to help, she wants to be here. But I'm sure that you have better things to do today than sitting in an empty gallery, plotting out a scheme that is pretty basic and was already planned out before Chuck even called you, so…"

"I'd rather be anywhere but at home today, Humphrey." Blair said dismissively.

"And so you came here." Dan said, not sure if it was a question or not, or even where he was going on this subject. "Are you sure that this isn't all just an excuse to see Chuck?"

"Maybe…" Blair said slowly, and Dan wanted to hit himself. Why did he even ask when he knew he would hate the answer. "Maybe he's not the one I needed an excuse to see."

Blair had said it quietly with her head down, but Dan was sure of what he heard. And as much as he liked to second-guess things like this and look for hidden meanings where there were none, he knew that this was unmistakable. Before he could react, Serena and Chuck came back talking animatedly to the FBI agent that Dan had met earlier in the day. Blair instantly walked over to greet him, a big, insincere smile on her face as she shook the man's hand and introduced herself.

Dan stayed in his chair. He watched the tiny brunette's form as she nodded politely as the FBI agent spoke and then invited him to take a seat. She didn't look at him again. But he watched her, taking in the luminosity of her skin, the suppleness of her lips, the spark and vulnerability in her eyes and praying internally that this wasn't happening. That it wasn't true. But despite how quietly and delicately this realization had announced itself, it was now firmly set on his conscious and, for the foreseeable future, unshakeable. To put it simply, Daniel Humphrey was infatuated with Blair Waldorf.

It was hard for Dan to concentrate after that. He was recovering from the revelation that he had feelings for Blair, whilst simultaneously chastising himself for not seeing this coming. Even Nate had figured it out before Dan did. He should have known that night that he went to her room and told her how beautiful, intelligent and amazing he thought she was. He replayed many of his recent memories of Blair over and over in his head, completely unaware of what was being talked about around him.

He regained his focus briefly when Nate showed up, especially when he had initially seemed pissed at Dan for lying to him to get him there. But the situation was explained and Nate quickly understood that this wasn't Dan's fault. Not one of them could miss the inner-conflict that Nate was going through and none of them wanted to do anything but support him through this. Not until Dan saw Nate's resolute courageous nature as he reasoned with the FBI agent and agreed to get his father to turn himself in did he see how mature Nate was. How he could stand up and take responsibility for protecting his family because his father was unable to. Dan sympathized for him in a way he never had before.

As Nate prepared to go, Dan immediately went to his side and offered to go with him for moral support.

"I don't need it, I'll be fine." Nate said casually as he pulled on his coat, determination evident on his flawless features.

"I know you'll be fine." Dan said purposefully. "But you shouldn't have to be alone."

"We'll all go." Dan heard Serena's voice from over his shoulder.

"We'll take the limo." Chuck added. Not a hint of suggestion in his voice, the matter was settled and Nate accepted that there would be no arguing with the four others, they were going with him.

The ride was quiet. The subject at the forefront of everyone's minds was Nate's predicament and that was far too awkward a subject to just bring up casually as the crossed the Brooklyn Bridge. The only other thing Dan could think about was his crush on Blair and he really didn't think that would be a good subject for small talk. But Dan liked the quiet, it seemed almost like it would be disrespectful to chatter mindlessly while Nate was preparing to send his father to prison. So they were quiet in the limo, then when Nate went inside alone and the others waited with the cops and FBI, they were quiet, when Nate's dad was brought out in handcuffs and put in the back of a police car, they didn't say a word. Not until Nate come out, his arms around his distraught mother, did they go to him. Seeing that Nate was okay, and unable to ignore Lily's calls anymore, Serena had to go and Chuck along with her.

Blair, however, refused to go home. She still wanted her mother to suffer a bit more. Throughout the afternoon, Dan had noticed her look at her phone several times when Eleanor was calling and Blair would only press the ignore button. He was ninety-nine per cent sure that she genuinely couldn't stand the idea of going home, but a part of him hoped that maybe she just wanted to spend a bit more time with him. He knew he was being delusional, but he couldn't push those pathetic hopes away any more than he could push his feelings for her away.

They went with Nate and his mom to his old house and waited outside as they went inside to talk with lawyers about things that Dan was pretty indifferent to. All he knew was that Nate's life was coming back together, Dan was happy for him, but couldn't deny that he was going to miss living with him a little bit.

He stood with Blair outside, the sun beginning to set and the sky turning an Autumnal orange. He was sitting on the steps trying not to look too much at Blair as she impatiently paced back and forth in front of him. He allowed himself to look up when he phone began to ring again and saw as she looked at the screen in revulsion before she pressed ignore again.

"Blair, go home." He told her. "You know that you'll have to eventually."

"That wasn't my mom, it was Chuck." Blair explained as she stopped pacing and stood adjacent to Dan. He nudged over so that she could sit beside him, but was only met with a look of distaste. There was no way she was going to sit on those steps with him.

"So…where exactly are things between you and Chuck now?" Dan shrugged casually, as if he really didn't care.

"Like that's any of your business." Blair sneered.

A part of him wanted to be bold and tell her that it is his business, because he plans on sweeping her off her feet soon and making her fall madly in love with him. But, even in his imagination, that didn't go down well.

"I just thought you might want to talk to a friend about it." Dan replied.

"A friend?"

"Yeah." Dan nodded.

"And you, Dan Humphrey, consider yourself my friend?" She seemed entertained by the notion. That was better than disgust, Dan thought to himself.

"I could list all the reasons why the two of us could be considered friends, but I wouldn't want to embarrass you." Dan began to get a bit cocky.

"Oh, please tell me why you think we're friends?"

"The fact that you spent most of today in Brooklyn comes to mind."

"I told you, that was only because my mother-"

"You confided in me about your mom getting engaged." Dan started to count on his fingers.

"Yes, because I knew you'd wouldn't stop asking until I-"

"You listened to my advice when your mom first started dating Cyrus."

"Like I could stop you from giving advice-"

"You invited me to your birthday party."

"That was a pity invite!" She spat out viciously, but Dan only laughed.

"I helped you with Emma."

"It's not like I asked you to."

"I gave you advice about Chuck." Dan had moved on to his right hand now as he continued to count on his fingers.

"Serena forced you!"

"I gave you advice about Serena and helped you two patch things up."

"It's me and Serena, we would have made up eventually."

"Okay, how about this one? When Chuck called you for help today, you used it as excuse to see me." He said gleefully as he dropped his heads and sat back, his elbows resting on the step behind him. Blair froze again, this time she seemed to have no excuses, but after a beat, she thought one up.

"I only said that to get you to stop asking questions about me and Chuck." She said breathlessly.

"Perhaps. Doesn't meant it wasn't true." Dan suggested, titling his head to the side slightly.

"Well, it's not." Blair snapped.

"Just admit it, Waldorf, we're friends."

"I will not!"

"If you do then you can stop finding excuses to spend time with me." Dan shrugged arrogantly.

"Pah!" Blair scoffed and Dan thought that maybe he had taken things too far. He knew that he liked Blair, but he wasn't all that confident that she liked him back. In fact, he was pretty sure that she didn't.

"You know if we were friends…then it would be perfectly acceptable for us to go see _Woman of the Year_ at the Angelika next Saturday." Dan said as he began to tap his feet on the ground.

"A _friend_ would know that I have that move on DVD." Blair said dismissively, then, as if she was only talking to herself, she added; "Though, it's not the same as seeing it on the big screen."

Dan smiled up at her as she sighed dramatically as if she was in deep thought before she met his gaze.

"If we happen to run into each other, please don't sit next to me."

"I wouldn't think of it." Dan smiled at her and just as she was on the brink of smiling back, her phone rang again.

She snatched it out of her pocket and paused as she looked at the screen.

"Chuck again?" Dan couldn't help but ask.

"No, it's my mom." Blair responded blankly and Dan decided that he had had enough.

He stood up and snatched the phone of her hand and answered it before she could react.

"Hello, Mrs Waldorf?" He said as he turned his back to Blair, who was already trying to snatch the phone back from him.

"Who is this and what have you done to my daughter?" Eleanor's panicked voice shrilled in his ear.

"What? You're daughter's fine!" Dan replied quickly. "I'm Dan Humphrey, Blair's…_friend_."

"Humphrey, I'm going to kill you!" Blair muttered as she gave up trying to reach over his shoulder and grab the phone while he kept turning his back towards her, so she settled for pulling his hair instead.

"Yes, Blair's fine." Dan ignored her as he continued to talk to Blair's mother. "We're are Nate Archibald's house, you see, he had kind of a family emergency so…we've been taking care of him…..Yes, Blair will be home soon…I will escort her myself….see you shortly, bye."

Dan hung up and handed the phone back to Blair, which she immediately used to hit him.

"That was theft!" She pointed aggressively at him.

"I was on your phone for about thirty seconds and I gave it right back to you." Dan said defensively, just as Nate came outside and sauntered down the steps. Blair and Dan quickly forgot their little fight and turned their attentions to Nate.

"So, we got the house back! My mom's inside signing the papers now." Nate told them cheerfully.

"That's great man. Listen, I got to take Blair home now, but if you still want to come to the loft for Thanksgiving dinner later, you and your mom are completely welcome." Dan explained as he patted Nate on the shoulder.

"Thanks, but…I think me and my mom should stay home tonight, now that we have one again. But thank you for everything."

"No, problem." Dan replied, feeling kind of bittersweet.

"What about me?" Blair said, sounding like a child. "Aren't you going to thank me too?"

"What did you do?" Nate asked.

"Uh!" Blair acted offended, but then found herself unable to explain what she had done. "I…came up with the whole plan today."

"Really?" Nate asked. "Because from what I heard-"

"Nate," Dan interrupted, "give her this one. What's Thanksgiving all about?"

"Fine. Thank you, Blair, I really appreciate having you in my life again." Nate said, slightly sarcastically, but Dan was sure that he meant it deep down.

"That's more like it, Archibald." Blair said warningly.

"So, I need to get Blair home or her mom will probably have me arrested for kidnapping…."

"Sure, if you got to go, then go." Nate said, taking a step closer as he spoke. "But before you do…Blair why don't you go try and get a cab. Down there."

Nate put his head on Dan's back and led him a few steps away as Blair looked at them distrustfully.

"Are you two going to have some kind of soppy goodbye?" Blair asked.

"Something like that." Nate answered. "You probably want to be out of earshot."

Nate led Dan a few feet further, before stopping and turning towards him.

"What's up?" Dan asked, slightly nervous that something else was going to go wrong just when things seemed to be working out.

"Listen, I really owe you and…I know that this isn't going to pay you back in any way for what you've done for me, but…I wanted to tell you something."

"Okay….what is it?"

"Not that long ago…I had these feelings for a girl." Nate paused as he swallowed nervously. "But…it was really complicated, so I just…I gave up. I didn't really try and…now I wish that I had. Because, even if I hadn't got the girl, she would know how I felt. And I wouldn't be left wondering about what could have been."

Dan paused, he got Nate's point, but he felt there was more than one buried in his short speech. At first, Dan thought that Nate had been talking about Vanessa, but as Nate had continued to talk, Dan had seen a familiar, bittersweet gleam in his eye. A look that Nate would often have when he looked at one specific girl.

"Are you talking about Serena?" Dan asked seriously. Not because he was jealous, but because he wanted Nate to be honest with him.

"You know, I actually thought there was a chance that you might not get that." Nate sighed. "But, what I'm saying is…Blair. You and Blair. I know that you said that you're not going to do anything about you're feeling for Blair, that it will just cause too much drama and I get what you mean, I do. But take it from a guy who knows, even if you can find a way to get those feelings go away…the regret doesn't."

Dan nodded in understanding as Nate finished and patted his shoulder again.

"Are we good?" Nate asked him.

"Yeah, of course." Dan replied reverently.

"So, do you think you'll tell Blair how you feel?"

Dan paused, then looked behind him as Blair remained outside Nate's house. She had her arms around herself and was looking pensive. Instinct told Dan that she was terrified about going home and he wanted nothing more than to protect her from any pain that could be on her way.

"I don't know." Dan admitted. "I think that she still might have feelings for Chuck and…I really don't think I even have a shot. And if you tell me that at least she'd know how I feel right now, we're not friends anymore."

"No, it's up to you." Nate put up his hands in mock surrender and smiled.

The two friends wished each other a happy Thanksgiving and then walked back to Blair together. Blair kissed Nate on the cheek, then she and Dan began to walk. Blair had suggested that they walk, but Dan knew it was only her attempt to buy time. It started to get dark quickly and Dan thought about how supremely long and exhausting the day had been.

He and Blair walked along in comfortable silence, she thinking about how she was going to react to her mother as he thought about his feelings for her. Or more specifically, how he couldn't possibly consider continuing to write this story now that he had feelings for her. He didn't know what the New York Magazine offices would be open again, but he made the decision that starting tomorrow morning, he was going to call everyday so that he could tell James Wolfe about his change of heart as soon as possible.

The journey seemed to go quickly, and Dan felt Blair grow more tense the closer they got. When the elevators doors opened in front of them, Blair didn't move and Dan had to put his hands on her shoulders to direct her inside. Eleanor rushed over and pulled Blair into a hug, which Blair begrudgingly returned while Dan stood back. He watched as they let each other go, and Blair's attentions turned to one of the men stood in the background.

"Daddy!" She exclaimed like a little girl as she rushed into his arms.

Dan watched her glow as she greeted her father, trying and failing to recall a time when he saw her that happy. As Blair was surrounded by her new family, Dan silently stepped back and left. He stepped in the elevator and just as the doors were about to close, Blair's petite, but powerful hand stopped them.

"Humphrey, you're leaving?" She asked as the doors opened to reveal the rest of her body.

"Yeah, I fulfilled my promise. I got you home safely and now I need to get myself home."

"Oh, right." Blair replied, sounding a bit disappointed. "Listen, Humphrey…"

"Yes?" He pushed once it seemed like she wasn't going to continue.

"Thanks…for today…and, you know, in general." She stuttered, then rolled her eyes as if she was being forced to say what she was saying out of politeness.

"You're welcome, Waldorf." He smiled, annoying endeared by how difficult she found it to simply be nice, then quickly pushed the button again. His speed mostly so that he'd have a chance to get away before she'd noticed that he was blushing. He couldn't inhibit the grin that spread across his face and hurt his cheekbones, as he chuckled to himself about how insane this all was.

He got home to find that Rufus, Vanessa and most surprisingly, Jenny, were already onto dessert. But they sat with him while he picked at the leftovers, and Jenny updated him on how she was now officially living with them again and they all laughed as Rufus told them the trouble he had had cooking by himself. In the end, it had been a good day.

But it still wasn't over. Dan helped clean up the dishes, then as Rufus and Jenny sat collapsed in front of the TV, Vanessa cornered him when he went to his room to find his phone charger.

"So, I think I've been pretty patient." She stated with her arms crossed.

"You have." Dan agreed, as he dejectedly sat on his bed. Honestly, he had wanted to avoid this for as long as possible, but he had promised Vanessa. "Come sit down, it's not a short story."

"I didn't expect a quick and simple explanation." Vanessa replied as she sat by him. "But before you go into details, can you please sum up why you've been spending so much time with…your Upper East Side friends lately? I think you spent _less_ time with them when you were dating Serena."

"I know, I'm not oblivious to that fact. But trust me, it's for a reason." Dan urged.

"And the reason is? In a nutshell?"

"I've been writing a story." Dan gave her the shortest explanation that he could.

"You're always writing a story."

"Yeah, but this one…Noah Shapiro asked me to write this story. About Blair. So, I've been having to…find ways to get in her world. To get material for the story and…and it's been working. New York Magazine is going to publish it."

"They are?" Vanessa asked, trying to sound impressed, but Dan knew she had reservations. "Dan that's amazing."

"You sound about as happy for me as I do for myself." Dan said smiling sadly.

"I'm sorry, it's just…I don't know why New York Magazine would be interested in a story about Blair, and if she found out then….wait, why aren't you happy about this?" Vanessa clicked suddenly and her forehead creased as she looked intently at her best friend.

"Well….lots of reasons. I don't really think that I've done the right thing, in fact looking back, I wish I never even agreed to do it." Dan solemnly shook his head, acknowledging for the first time that he hated what he had done.

"Dan, every great writer takes inspiration from real people." Vanessa tried to assure him as her hand falling on his shoulder blade.

"I know, but…I've…she's confided in me and…she trusts me and I'm betraying her. So, I'm going to try and stop the story from getting published." Dan stated firmly.

"What? You can't do that! Dan, I understand you feeling guilty, but this is Blair. If the situations were reversed, you know that she wouldn't hesitate for a second!"

"No, I don't know that." Dan turned to Vanessa. "Vanessa, I know that you're not going to believe me, but…Blair is not who I thought she was. She's….she doesn't deserve this. More importantly, I can't stand the thought of doing this to her."

"Dan…are…are you…?" Vanessa stumbled, looking at Dan in disbelief.

"I don't know how it happened." Dan responded, answering without answering the question that Vanessa had asked without asking. "I know that you're shocked, but imagine how I felt when I realized."

"Hang on, I don't think I'm understanding you here." Vanessa waved her hands at Dan, signalling for him to stop and start at the beginning again. "What are you saying?"

"I'm…" Dan sighed, trying the best way to put into words what he was feeling. But there was no new, eloquent way to put this, it was really very basic. "I like her. A lot."

"Okay." Vanessa replied slowly after taking a deep breath.

"Okay?" Dan asked, he had expected a much larger reaction.

"Okay." Vanessa repeated. "I'm going to need to know everything that happened right from the beginning."


	8. Chapter 8

_First of all, I just wanted to thank everyone who is following this story! I can't believe I've got over 100 reviews, when I posted the first chapter, I thought I'd get about 4. And I want you all to know that I read each and every one of them._

_As for the story, I just want to prepare you guys for a change in the way I structure the chapters coming. So far, they've all had a very stable format and have been following canon, but after the next chapter, that's going to begin to change and will be moving further away from canon. It's not bad though – I'm going to spend several chapters on The Age of Innocence play, which I'm sure you dairlings will be happy to hear. Hope you all enjoy this chapter, and the next one is going to be what the first eight chapters have been building towards and a turning point for the rest of the story! I can't wait to share it with all of you and hope it doesn't disappoint. _

* * *

"I knew it was only a matter of time till you came crawling back." Shapiro said as soon as Dan walked through his door, looking smug as usual.

"I'm here to ask for your help." Dan stated as he took the seat opposite him. Shapiro raised an eyebrow at Dan's forwardness. He saw that Dan was different from not only the way he had invited himself in and cut to the chase, but the confidence with which he was carrying himself.

"Of course you need my help, I'm the only one who's been able to get anything publishable out of-"

"And that's why I need your help." Dan unapologetically interjected. "I need to stop the story from getting published. I know I signed a contract but you must know of some way that…."

Dan trailed off as Shapiro started to chuckle. He paused and waited for the insult he knew was coming.

"I'm sorry, this is just too good." Shapiro explained between throaty scoffs. "All that work, all that manipulation and betrayal and now you can't go through with it. I should have known you didn't have it in you."

"Well, I did have it in me." Dan replied. "And now, it turns out I have I not only have the balls the write that story in the first place, but to put a stop to it too."

"Harris was right to cut you loose." Shapiro turned bitter, it wasn't funny to him anymore. "You'll always be second-rate."

"Maybe. But I have an idea for a new story, it's about an ego-maniacal, washed up writer who manipulates his protégé. It's a classic tale of disillusionment." Dan countered before he strode away confidently.

The last time he had walked out of his office, Dan had known there was no going back because of the way that he had talked to Shapiro. Now Dan knew that there was no going back, because he'd never want that man's input ever again.

"How'd it go?" Vanessa asked Dan once he got back to the loft. She was on one of the stools, leaning over one of the handwritten chapters that Dan had given her.

"Yeah, did he know a way to stop New York Magazine from publishing the story on Blair?" Jenny added as she emerged down the hallway.

"If he does know a way he's not going to tell me and you told Jenny?" Dan replied, turning to Vanessa as he finished.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me." Jenny replied accusingly.

"Well, in my defence, I've barely seen you in the last few months. Not to mention that I wasn't supposed to tell anyone." Dan told her, not sounding apologetic, but annoyed.

"Dan, what does this word say? Fruit?" Vanessa asked, pointing at his scribbled writing.

"Street." Dan replied with a huff. "You thought the sentence was 'as I walked down the bustling fruit'?"

"Okay, calm down." Vanessa replied, quickly bowing her head down to continue reading.

"I think Dan's just a bit stressed right now." Jenny said quietly as she leaned on the counter next to Vanessa.

"A bit stressed?!" Dan repeated disbelievingly. "I have got exactly four days to figure out how to stop the Blair story from being published and if I don't, not only will she hate me, but probably Nate and Serena too. Not to mention the fact that I'll go to the top of Chuck Bass's enemies list, Blair's minions will probably…_lynch _me! And Blair! It'll….it'll hurt her."

"We get that this is a big deal." Vanessa said soothingly. "What can we do to help?"

"Nothing, I got to…figure this out on my own." Dan replied as he ran a hand through his hair. "If Shapiro's not going to help, then I've got to go see the next person on my list."

"Wait, where are you going?" Jenny asked, stopping Dan as he got to the door.

"To Blair's." Dan replied, offering no more explanation before he was gone.

He knew she wouldn't be there, because she was on Gossip Girl's spotted map with Serena at Bergdorf's, but he was still scared he might run into her and he'd have to make up a reason why he was in her home. Improvising had never been his strong suit. But the penthouse seemed empty, he headed to dining room, where he found Cyrus, still in a robe, eating a croissant and reading the paper.

"Hi." Dan said nervously.

"Oh, hello. Are you a friend of Blair's?" Cyrus replied cheerfully.

"Uh, I guess you could say that."

"Well, come sit down. She's not here, but you're welcome to wait. Croissant?" He chattered continuously, holding a basket of croissants out to Dan as he took a seat.

"Uh, no thanks. And I'm not here to see Blair, I actually need to talk to you. I need some legal help."

"Well, talk, I'll see what you I can do."

"Okay, but before I start, I need to tell you that…I know you're probably not going to like what I have to say very much, at least not to start with, but before you get angry, I want you to know that I really care about Blair and what I'm doing now, I'm doing for her." Dan explained slowly, desperately trying to convey how much he needed Cyrus's help.

"She's not in trouble is she?" Cyrus asked concerned.

"No, no, it's nothing like that. What happened is…I really want to be a writer and one of the stories that I wrote is about Blair. It had a lot of personal things in there and she doesn't know that I've been writing it, I-I never told her. I know that I should have, and I will, but…not until I've taken care of…well, what happened next is, I got a chance to get these stories published and I didn't really feel like I could say no, I just…I _wanted _it so badly. I signed a contract, but now that I've had time to think about it….I will do whatever it takes to stop this story from coming out." Dan looked Cyrus in the eye, who had bits of croissant round his mouth, hoping this man would help him.

"Well…do you have the contract with you?" He replied, leaving Dan still nervous about how he was going to react.

"Yeah, I brought it with me." Dan said as he pulled his copy of the contract out of his messenger bag.

"I will certainly take a look at this and see what can be done." Cyrus spoke unenthusiastically and Dan knew that there probably wasn't a chance that he could help.

"I appreciate it." Dan sighed, feeling defeat bearing down on him. "And I just want you to know, that I could not feel worse about-"

"You don't have to apologize to me." Cyrus interrupted, his tone lifting slightly. "But, you'll tell Blair soon, yes?"

"I will." Dan nodded. "I just…I hope that she forgives me. Anyway, I should get going, but thank you for everything. Here's my number if you need to call me."

Dan quickly scribbled his number down at the top of the contract, he didn't care if he wasn't supposed to, thanked Cyrus again and then left. Now, he had to wait. Cyrus was the second to last person on his list, and if he got down to the last…well, Dan would have to change his whole strategy.

His current plan was to put a stop to the story, then tell Blair the truth about it, that he had got it stopped from publishing and about his feelings for her. That is, if he managed to get that far before she killed him. The last person on the list was Chuck Bass. Dan knew that Chuck would never do him a favour, but he hoped that Chuck would want to protect Blair. If it came to that, Dan was going to tell Blair the truth about the story, then how he was trying to stop it, then he would turn to Chuck and depending how Blair had dealt with everything up to that point, he might tell her how he feels. Either way, Dan really didn't feel good about the outcome.

Even if he stopped the story from being published, Blair would probably be furious and she'd have every right to feel that way. But Dan would not easily give up. He cared about Blair and was willing to go to whatever lengths he had to to prove that to her. Vanessa still thought he was crazy, but she asked to read some of his stories on her, then she started to get it. She didn't get it completely, and Dan wasn't sure is she was really rooting for him and Blair, but she had stopped with the backhanded insults. Dan hadn't told Rufus what was going on. He had planned to, when he first decided he had to stop the story and had no idea where to start, but his dad had been MIA a lot recently. So Dan felt like he was on his own.

When he got back home, Jenny begged for details and Vanessa wanted to give him some notes on his writing, but he was too tired. He collapsed on his bed and started practising in his head a million different ways of how he was going to break this to Blair. None were good enough and he just hoped, that when he saw her, the right words would find him.

They didn't. In fact, no words found him. He froze. She was sitting with Serena and her minions in the courtyard and they seemed to be looking over folders and clipboards, then she clapped her hands and shooed her minions away, undoubtedly with a mission to complete.

Now wasn't the time to tell her the truth, but he told himself that didn't mean he couldn't talk to her.

"Ladies." He said, as walked up to their table.

"Hi, Dan." Serena greeted, but Blair was too engrossed in whatever she was doing, so Serena nudged her.

"Sorry, Humphrey, I haven't got time for pleasantries, I have a date to find!" She rushed out her words, then started flipping through a folder, that looked to be full of high school transcripts with small pictures paper clipped to them.

"Um, those are all girls." Dan said as he took a seat.

"I realize that." Blair said laconically. "I'm not looking for a date for me, I'm looking for the perfect date for Chuck."

Dan scrunched up his face and looked to Serena, she shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Umm….why?" Dan asked uncomfortably.

"It's a game." Blair replied whimsically.

"Why else?" Serena added.

"I'm choosing Chuck's date to the Snowflake Ball and he gets to choose mine, if he actually likes his then I win, if I like the guy he choose for me, then he wins." Blair explained as if she had already won.

"Sounds to me like he's already won." Dan muttered as he looked off to the side.

"What?!" Blair snapped. "Like Chuck can find a man to satisfy me! I, on the other hand, know exactly what Chuck looks for in-"

"No, that's not what I mean." Dan waved his hands at her to stop. "What I meant was, Chuck's already achieved his goal. He wanted your attention, now he's got it, he…what? Pushed a few of your buttons about being scared to lose, and how you could never beat him and you agreed to his terms?"

Blair started at Dan blankly, while Serena tried to supress a smile. She found this far too entertaining.

"I mean, come on, Blair." Dan continued. "This was his idea, right? And now he's not only got you to engage in this game, but now gets to control who you date?"

"If you're so smart, what would you do?" Blair retorted after a moment.

"I'd…call off the bet." Dan responded with a shrug. "If you really want to win, you have refuse to play _his_ games."

Blair smiled confidently and then pulled out her mobile phone.

"What are you doing?" Serena asked.

"Texting Chuck that the deal is off because I found a much better date for myself than he ever could." Blair explained victoriously.

"Who exactly?" Dan said, really not getting Blair's new plan.

"Well, if I really want to drive Chuck crazy…I should take someone that he can't stand." Blair eyed Dan pointedly.

"Dan?!" Serena asked, Dan could have sworn that she was trying not to laugh.

"Are you crazy?" Dan added.

"Think about it, Chuck thinks he knows me so well and that he can control me however he wants, what better what to prove him wrong than by showing up at the Snowflake Ball with Dan Humphrey? Be at my place at seven." She ordered as she gathered up her things and sauntered off.

"This is bad, isn't it?" Dan said, still watching Blair go.

"It's so bad." Serena laughed. "But, hey, it's just for one night. You're probably best off going along with it, you don't want to disobey one of Blair's orders."

"Yeah." Dan sighed, trying to sound relieved. Serena obviously had no idea. "So, are you going tonight?"

"Yes and I've convinced Aaron to come too!" She replied excitedly.

"Oh, you're still with Aaron?"

"Yes. He was kind of upset with me because we were meant to spend some time together on Thanksgiving, then, obviously, all that stuff with Nate came up. But we're okay now."

"Good." Dan replied, not sounding happy for her at all. "Have you seen Nate much lately?"

"Um, not really." Serena shrugged. "But I'm sure he'll come to the Snowflake Ball once I tell him that you are Blair are going together, there's no way he'll want to miss that!"

"This is such a bad idea!" Vanessa yelled as Dan stood in the middle of the loft, dressed in his tux, as Jenny helped with his bow tie.

"You said that already." Jenny commented under her breath.

"Look, I will tell her, but after tonight." Dan urged Vanessa. "I just need to get tonight out the way, then I'm sure Cyrus will call me tomorrow and then I can explain everything to Blair."

"Don't you see what you're doing?" Vanessa chastised. "You're just making things worse for yourself! The longer you leave, the harder it is going to be for you to tell her the truth and the worse she is going to take it!"

"It's one night, Vanessa." Dan replied forcefully.

"Yes, just one night. One night where you're in a tux and Blair's in a gown and they'll be pretty lights and dancing and…you'll just wake up tomorrow even more desperate to not ruin things between you two."

"It's not like that," Dan began, "it's not a romantic date. Blair's only going with me to get to Chuck. Anyway, I doubt we'll even be alone, we'll be hanging out with Serena and Nate. Oh, and Aaron."

"Sure." Vanessa said sarcastically then stormed off the Dan's room. She came back a moment later with another one of his short stories in her hands and began to read aloud. "_As Dylan looked down into Claire's enticing eyes, he suddenly couldn't breathe-"_

"Hey!" Dan cried, then advanced towards her but she moved and he began to chase her around the loft.

"_He had never wanted anybody so badly and as much as it ached, he felt sad that he would probably never want anyone this badly ever again-"_

"You wrote that?" Jenny laughed as she tried to stay out the way out of the two.

"_It was as if, every time he saw her, he would experience the occurrence of falling in love with her all over again in an instant._ _All the times where she had surprised him, moved him, made him smile, made him laugh till he couldn't breathe and taken his breath away would be tied together in the one undeniable truth that she was the one and only-"_

Dan cornered her and snatched the paper out of her hand. Vanessa looked at his face and knew that she had gone too far, but he seemed more embarrassed then angry. He looked down at the pieces paper in his hands to make sure he hadn't ripped it in the struggle and then folded them back up.

"I never gave you this story." He said accusingly.

"It was in the middle of some of the chapters, I assumed you meant to give it to me. I'm sorry." Vanessa replied apologetically.

"No problem. It was my mistake." He said quietly, looking down.

"Dan, you've creased your shirt." Jenny moved over to him and tried to smooth out the tension.

"It doesn't matter, I don't think I'm going to go. I don't know what I was thinking." He muttered as he started headed back to his bedroom.

"Dan, wait." Vanessa called after him. "You should go."

"I should go?" Dan turned around and looked at her in shock. "You haven't shut up for the last hour about all the reasons why I shouldn't go."

"I know, but, maybe I was being too harsh on you. You should have tonight." Vanessa said sincerely. "Just, go the dance with Blair and…for tonight only, forget about the story and just enjoy your evening. Everything else can wait till tomorrow."

"You know you want to." Jenny added playfully as she picked up Dan's jacket. "Come on, Blair's expecting you. You can't let her down."

Dan assented. The truth was, he really wanted to go. He wanted to just spend one night with Blair, where he could just be Dan and not be stuck thinking about what a horrible person he was. They'd been spending more time together lately, they'd seen a couple of movies and had ran into each other at the Kirchner exhibit at the MOMA. It was nice for him to just be Dan around her now. But the strange thing was, it hadn't stopped him writing about her. In fact, he'd never written more. The page Vanessa had just read out he had only written a few days ago. He had no intention of showing them to anyone. Ever. And certainly not publishing them. But he couldn't help writing about her.

So, he went to the penthouse. Eleanor and Cyrus weren't around, which made him half relieved and half disappointed. He had the naïve hope that maybe Cyrus would be there and would take him aside, tell him that it was all taken care of then Dan could tell her the truth that night. Even though his hopes were dashed, Dan was still determined to enjoy the evening. After tomorrow when he would tell her the truth and then she'd probably never give him the time of day again.

She descended the stairs in what seemed to be slow motion to Dan. She was wearing a midnight blue dress, with a long, layered skirt and a strapless bodice. Her hair was hanging over her shoulders in loose waves and she had the most dazzling smile. She looked incredible. He couldn't think of anything to say, he couldn't think of anything at all. All he could do was take in the sight of her.

"Not bad, Humphrey." She said as she reached him at the bottom of the steps, not hiding the way that she was looking him up and down.

"I let Jenny dress me." Was the first thing that Dan could think to say. He really wished that he had just stayed quiet. Blair's face turned to disgust.

"Well, I suppose that two Humphrey's are equal one regular person, so…I approve." She relented.

"So do I." Dan said too quickly. "I mean, of you. I mean, you look nice." _Nice? _He's a writer, who can and does wax poetic about how attractive he finds her and all he can think to say is that she looks nice?

"What I'm trying to say," Dan decided to give it one last go, "is that you look…perfect. Perfect."

Now it was Blair's turn to be speechless. Dan saved her, nothing else needed to be said now anyway. He gave her his arm, and she took it and, linked together, they left for the Snowflake Ball.

Being Blair's date wasn't what Dan had expected, but he should have seen it coming. Blair had to go talk to everyone, brush off the fact that she was there with him of all people, from what Dan had overheard she'd concocted some story about keeping him on the shelf for Serena. If Chuck had seen them, Dan hadn't noticed, he hadn't even shown up for all Dan knew. He didn't really care.

He ended up spending most of the evening with Nate, Serena and Aaron. Aaron blatantly wanted to be alone with Serena, but Nate was still a bit down, and she knew that these dance's had never really been Dan's thing, so she wanted didn't want to ditch them. Not that Dan would mind if she did, and from the curious glances that Nate was giving him, Dan knew that he was just desperate to ask about any progress he might have made with Blair.

Eventually Serena agreed to a dance with Aaron, not before she asked Dan and Nate if they'd be okay, to which they both nodded emphatically in response.

"So, you and Blair huh?" Nate asked casually, but Dan could see the mischief in his eyes.

"It's not a date." Dan said firmly. "And I'm sure you've noticed that I've spent most of the night standing on the side-lines with you, so…"

"So I take it you haven't told her how you feel yet?"

"No. And the more I think about it, the more I think that I shouldn't."

"Why not?" Nate asked, practically on the verge of whining.

"Nate, she's only here with me to make Chuck jealous."

"Oh, come, if all she wants is to make Chuck jealous, then there's a million other guys she could have brought here tonight. I mean, no offence, but why would she choose you?" Nate said pointedly.

"I'd really like it, if you didn't get my hopes up." Dan responded nervously.

"Come on, man, just….look, she's on her own right now, go and ask her to dance."

"I couldn't leave you here on your own." Dan made up an excuse.

"Well, I'll go ask Serena for a dance. We'll leave Aaron standing on his own." Nate suggested.

"I'm much more okay with that." Dan agreed, then took a deep breath. He didn't know why this made him so nervous. All he was doing was asking for a dance. And it was a slow song, so he was much less likely to look stupid than he did when he danced normally. And even if she said no, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

He built up his courage, and walked towards her confidently. She turned and saw him approach, saw his calm, knowing smile and returned it. He didn't say a word, but put out his hand. She slipped her hand into his and he lead her out to the dance floor. His free hand naturally fell onto her lower back, hers clung to his shoulder. He looked down into her heart-stopping eyes. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He couldn't see anything but her.

If he had been able to tear his eyes away from her, he would have seen Nate, peering past Serena and watching the two of them with a gratified smile on his face. He would have seen Penelope as her jaw dropped and she turned to Hazel and said in disbelief 'are you seeing what I'm seeing?' He would have seen Nelly Yuki, avidly taking pictures with her phone. And, most importantly, he would have seen Chuck. He would have seen the discreet blend of devastation and fury on his face, before he disappeared into the shadows to make a phone call.

The song ended. Dan didn't notice and neither did Blair, they continued dancing into the next one. And then the one after that. The sound that stopped them was the beeping of multiple phones throughout the room that no one dared ignore. Dan felt a pit in the bottom of the stomach, he knew what this would be about. The dreaded moment had finally come, and it had announce itself in the most satirical and cruel way that it could have done.

_Spotted: Queen B with Lonely Boy on her arm. Anyone else smell a rat? For once, B is innocent. I've been a very good girl this year, so Santa gave me my gift early and told me that Lonely Boy has been very, very bad. He's been getting close to Blair to write a story about her, part one to be published in the next edition of New York Magazine and I'm sure it'll reveal all her deepest, darkest secrets. Look out Lonely Boy, when you mess with Queen B you get a lot worse than a lump of coal in your stocking. _

_XOXO, Gossip Girl. _

Blair looked at her phone in shock and Dan waited for her reaction, but her attention went straight to Chuck as he marched over to them.

"I should have known you would do something like this." Blair accused Chuck. "You could at least come up with something unbelievable, no one is going to buy that Humphrey could do something like that."

"Blair-" Dan tried to speak.

"He really fooled you." Chuck sneered. "It felt humiliated for you just watching you dance with him, and now, you're defending him."

"You're pathetic!" Blair snapped.

"What's pathetic is you!" Chuck bitterly spat out. "Ask him. Just ask him whether it's true or not."

Blair hadn't believed it at all initially, but seeing Chuck's conviction made her doubt herself. Dan could see it before she even looked at him. Her eyes lingered on Chuck, looking for some sign that he was lying and then she slowly turned to Dan, afraid to see what she did see; guilt.

"Blair," Dan began quietly, "it was a mistake."

"What was?" She snapped, still not ready to believe it and Dan could see the tears encroaching on her eyes.

"I was writing a story." Dan finally admitted. "But I'm not anymore, I stopped once I realized….but it is getting published. I've been doing all that I can to stop-"

Blair slapped Dan and the sound rang through the silent room. It took him a moment to adjust to the shock and the pain and when he looked back to Blair she was storming off. His cheek burned. He heard the sound of people taking pictures with their phones. The whispers all around him. But he couldn't really comprehend them.

He looked at Chuck, who was staring at him intensely. It was a look Dan couldn't quite read. It seemed partly like it was satisfaction, Chuck had won and put Dan back in his place, and partly like Chuck's ego was still hurt and he wanted to punish Dan a bit more yet. If he was going to hurt Dan more, it wouldn't be tonight, he turned and left as most of the crowd all began to turn away from the scene.

Serena pushed her way to Dan, she looked like she didn't really understand what had happened and she didn't know whether to be concerned for Dan or not.

"Is all that really true?" She asked.

"Yes, but, it's…you have to listen to me, you have got to tell Blair-" Dan had gone over what words he would use to explain this situation countless times, and now he couldn't remember any of them.

"I can't believe you would do that Blair! And you used me to do it!" Serena yelled, then seemed to be following the popular path of storming off, so Dan grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Serena, please, I didn't meant to hurt…_anyone_. I made a mistake, you have to get Blair give me chance to explain to her that-"

"Let go of my arm right now unless you wanted to get slapped again." She ordered quietly and Dan knew that she meant it. He released her arm and she ran off, undoubtedly to go after Blair.

Dan took a few steps forward. Not really to anywhere, just forward. Then Nate came into his path.

"You should have told me." Nate said coldly.

"I was going to. I was going to come clean about all of it, but I wanted to explain it to Blair first." Dan explained.

"So, all that stuff about you trying to hang out with her because you had feelings for her…?"

"Was true. I really did have feelings for her. I do. More than…I care about her more than you know." Dan tried desperately to get at least get one person to believe him. "Nate, I…_nothing _means more to me than making this right."

"She'll never forgive you." Nate stated plainly.

"Probably not." Dan ran a hand through his hair. "Can you forgive me?"

"Not tonight." Nate replied. "But I will. I'll see you around."

Nate slowly backed away and disappeared into the crowd and Dan was left standing alone. People would glance over at him, then pretended that they weren't talking about him. One girl was already on the phone to her aunt who worked on New York Magazine and was trying to get a hold of the first chapter. This is the moment that Dan's mobile rang.

"Hello?" Dan tried to make his voice sound normal, but it was shaky.

"Dan, it's Cyrus."

"Hey, Cyrus. Any good news?" Dan asked casually, but he was internally begging that this call was going to be the one to tell him that everything would be okay.

"I'm afraid there was nothing I could do." Cyrus said apologetically. "I looked over the contract and called their lawyers, but they own the story now and they're going to print it. Have you told Blair yet?"

"She knows." Dan responded evasively, as he rubbed his hand over his face. He felt exhausted. It was unbelievable how quickly he could go from feeling elated to completely shattered.

"At least she knows." Cyrus replied, completely oblivious to the scene that had gone down and the fact that there was no silver lining here. Dan didn't say anything in response, so Cyrus continued, "I'll probably see you soon then, Dan, goodbye."

Dan couldn't speak, he felt like if he did then he would break. So he just hung up and left. When he got outside he looked to see if maybe Blair was still there, but she was gone. Dan knew it wasn't true, but he felt like he would never see her again. He'd never see the real Blair again. The wall would go back up, more impenetrable than it ever had been. So, in a way, he never was going to see _her _again.

When he got home, Vanessa and Jenny were still up and they were so excited to see him that they didn't register how early it was for him to be home.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Jenny asked.

"Haven't you seen Gossip Girl?" Dan asked, confused that anyone could have missed the juiciest gossip in weeks.

"No, my phone's charging in my bedroom and Vanessa doesn't…." Jenny trailed off as she began to read Dan's defeated body language. "What happened?"

"I don't know how to answer that question…." Dan answered as he pulled at his bow tie, "my one night to just enjoy spending time with Blair….you know, for a split-second, it was amazing. For that tiny moment, it was everything I hoped it would be."

"What's wrong?" Vanessa stood up and walked closer to him.

"As it turns out you were right. I should have never…I shouldn't have gone tonight, it was a disaster."

"What did she do?" Vanessa asked.

"She didn't do a thing." Dan said, feeling that tightening in his throat again and weakness in his eyes. "It was all me, I'm the bad guy."

"You told her?" Jenny asked delicately.

"No, I didn't have to. Gossip Girl told everybody." Dan stated, then pursed his lips together and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"How did Gossip Girl even find out?" Jenny asked.

"I'm not sure exactly, but Chuck had something to do with it. It doesn't even matter, it's not his fault, it's not Gossip Girl's fault, I'm the one who did this to Blair."

"So….she didn't take it well?" Vanessa hesitated.

"No, she didn't." Dan shook his head.

"Are you okay?" Vanessa asked.

"No." Dan replied, as he headed to his bedroom. "I'm not."

Dan collapsed on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. So many times in the last few months, he had spent lying there and thinking about that story and now he wished more than anything that he could go back and undo what he did. He hated himself for ever having been so selfish and cruel. He hated himself because of how much his own actions had come to hurt him. But most of all, he hated himself for hurting Blair. No matter how much he tried to blink it away, or clamp his eyes shut and focus on the darkness, or look up at his ceiling and try to think about anything else, he couldn't get the way she had looked at him once she had realized it was true out his head. So much disappointment, so betrayed, so crushed. He had never wanted to hurt her. Even in the beginning, when he thought he didn't care about her and felt indifferent about whether he should be writing the story or not from an ethical standpoint, he never wanted to hurt her.

It had been an awful few days. Today had in some ways been the best in a long time. Seeing Blair come down those steps, and then dancing with her seemed more meaningful, and not just to him, he really felt like maybe she was starting to care about him too. So, in some ways it had been the best day in a while, in most ways it had been the worst. Dan couldn't remember a time he had ever felt this bad. So, despite the few fleeting moments of magic, today had been an awful day. And tomorrow…tomorrow would have no redeeming moments. Tomorrow would be even worse.


	9. Chapter 9

_I know it's been a while but I've been working on a script for a competition & my creative writing portfolio for college, so this kind of just had to be low priority for a little while. It's going to happen sometimes, but I can assure you all that I'm not going to abandon the story, I always finish what I start. _

_And it's not as if I haven't been working on the story at all, I have now completely planned the whole thing out, chapter by chapter! And I'm really excited about what I've got coming for you guys, some of it I think you'll love, some of it I know that you won't. Either way, I hope this was worth the wait, even though there's not a lot of Dan/Blair interaction in it. _

* * *

It had turned out the night of the Snowflake Ball had been a lot more eventful than Dan had known. He didn't know many details, and didn't much care for them, but Jenny could not stop talking about the tension between Serena and Aaron. Dan knew that Jenny didn't really care either, but that she was just trying to distract him. That wasn't the big news. The big news was Lily leaving her husband for his dad. It was bigger than big, it was huge. But when Rufus talked to them about it, he downplayed it as much as he could and tried to prevent them from freaking out by telling them that it didn't mean he and Lily were going to suddenly get married and they were going to be taking things slowly. Dan and Jenny nodded along and each said something about hoping he was happy, but they both knew that someone leaving their husband for someone else was a big deal.

It was still being kept quiet. As far as Dan knew, it was only his and Lily's family that knew. For now. He had called Serena, but she wasn't talking to him yet. Jenny had got information from Eric and relayed to Dan that Serena was furious at Dan anyway, but now with her mom's impending divorce and her issues with Aaron, she definitely was not going to take the time to hear him out. Dan hadn't made any effort to contact Blair, he had hoped that he'd be able to talk to Serena first to feel out how Blair was doing and that, once he explained, she might help him to get her forgiveness. Nate had called him once, they had a quick catch up, but he hadn't mentioned anything to do with Blair, so Dan expected that he hadn't even been forgiven by Nate yet.

As for Blair herself, she had been all over Gossip Girl, showing her big smiling face everywhere in an effort to prove that she was not concerned with Dan's articles at all. But as much as she acted like they wouldn't mean anything, everyone else was counting down the hours until the first once came out. Which was that morning. Dan didn't think it would be too bad, this chapter was mostly about Blair and Serena's issues which he was pretty sure everyone knew about already. But she would still be humiliated. Rufus still didn't know anything, Dan was sure that he already had enough on his plate and didn't want to burden him anymore. Jenny didn't mention it and instead they headed to Lily's for brunch. Rufus had no idea about the friction between Dan and Serena, but Dan wanted to show that he supported Rufus's decision to be with Lily and Jenny had told him that Eric didn't think Serena would even be there, so once Dan had finished an hour of last minute Christmas shopping, Dan headed to their building.

But once he entered the lobby, he stopped in his tracks. Chuck was swaggering out, wearing a suit with a trench coat over it and his hair slicked back. His self-satisfied expression didn't falter when he saw Dan, like he didn't even see him, but the two walked into each other's paths.

"I thought you and your dad moved out." Dan said, trying not to sound too confrontational.

"While it is true that my father and I have moved back to the Palace, it doesn't mean that we're on bad terms with Lily and her family. I was just giving Lily and Eric my regards." Chuck replied superiorly. "But I see you and your father are seizing the opportunity to move on in."

"I'm just here for brunch." Dan replied.

"Just remember, Humphrey, it doesn't matter what your address is, you're Brooklyn trash and you always will be." Chuck snarled.

Dan wanted to hit him, or at least push him. He felt his arm tense in anticipation, but he knew no good would come from it.

"Lily doesn't seem to mind. And she's not the only one." Dan finally responded and walked past Chuck, but didn't get far before Chuck had to say something else.

"Maybe that was true a few days ago, but since Gossip Girl posted the truth and you, no one will ever let you into this world again. You'll always be on the outside."

"Don't think I don't know it was you who sent the tip into Gossip Girl." Dan stepped back towards Chuck.

"What does it matter if it was? It doesn't change the truth." Chuck replied.

"What matters is that I was going to come to you and ask for your help to stop the story from being published. Not for me, but for Blair. But when you found out the truth, it was more important for you to hurt me than protect her. I think that matters to Blair."

"You know my source didn't just tell me about the story, but she also forwarded the chapters to me. I especially like chapter six, you know, the one all about Claire and Charlie." Chuck hissed. "It seems pretty clear to me that Claire loves Charlie and would forgive him for anything."

"Is that really all you got from that chapter? Did you completely miss how miserable you make her?" Dan spat back.

"Of course I noticed the _Anna Karenina_ reference about how, to Charlie, Claire was a beautiful flower that he had to make his, but by picking her, he would succeed in making her his whilst simultaneously guaranteeing that everything beautiful about her, that had made him want her so much in the first place, would wither and die."

"And you think that's a good thing?" Dan asked coldly.

"What I think is, it doesn't really matter whether I'm good for her or not. I'm the only one she wants." Chuck said smiling triumphantly and Dan couldn't deny that Chuck had achieved his goal, that had stung.

Dan knew it was completely immature and ultimately pointless, but he wanted to hurt Chuck back.

"I'm not going to do this with you anymore, Chuck. My family is waiting for me upstairs, you know, the one that doesn't want you anymore?" And with that he turned and walked away again, this time not stopping for anything.

Dan had not been in a good mood anyway, so his run in with Chuck really did not help to improve his manner at brunch. Lily and Rufus talked casually, side-stepping any mention of their relationship, acting like this was all completely normal whilst Dan, Eric and Jenny sat their awkwardly. Serena had arrived halfway through and tried to insist that she needed to go out again, but Lily made her stay and sit with the 'family'. So, things were made even more awkward by her glaring at Dan from across the table. Jenny seized the opportunity to leave when she got a text from Eleanor about some kind of fashion emergency and brunch came to an end soon after. As soon as she got permission from Lily, Serena stormed off to her room, and Dan couldn't let the opportunity slip, so he rushed after her.

"Serena, come on. Our parents are dating, you're going to have to talk to me eventually." He said as he entered her room, and she turned round to face him with her arms crossed.

"Why should I talk to you after what you've done?" Serena asked.

"Because I'm sorry." He replied sincerely. "I am so sorry. Please, just give me a chance to explain."

"Fine, explain." Serena said coldly with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Look, when it started...I just wanted to write, okay? And, well….I used to write a lot about…you. And in one of those stories, I mentioned Blair as well and when Shapiro read it, he thought that she was a really interesting and complex character and told me to write about her. He told me to find out more about her, so I did. I wrote one story and thought that was it. Shapiro loved it, so he told me to keep going and…I didn't mind because I started to genuinely like Blair and then I got this offer to get it published so….I never thought anyone would read it. Well, no, I knew people would read it, but not anybody that actually knew Blair." Dan added quickly when Serena squinted at him. "For what it's worth, I changed my mind. I tried to stop it from getting published but it was too late, there was nothing I could do."

"Okay, it's one thing to write the story, but what you wrote…the way you wrote it was just cruel. To me and Blair." Serena snapped.

"You read the chapter this morning didn't you?" Dan asked helplessly.

"Yes, I did."

"Serena, what _I_ wrote…it was nothing like what you read this morning. I wrote it, then Shapiro edited it, then I rewrote it for New York Magazine, it was edited again and again till it was what they wanted it to be. That is not what I think of you, you have to know that." Dan tried to explain.

"Maybe it's not what you think, but you still let them change it. You let me – and Blair – be reduced to these two…spoilt, entitled, vindicate girls who are supposed to be best friends." Serena replied, still angry.

"In my defence, you and Blair did-"

"Don't even go there." Serena cut him off before he began. "Blair and I aren't perfect and we've have our problems, but we are nothing like those girls in the story."

"Has Blair read it?" Dan asked nervously after a pause.

"No. When I tried to talk to her about it she acted like none of it means anything and is practically pretending that it doesn't exist. Which I know means that she's really scared. And not to mention hurt." She added pointedly.

"I know, I am so sorry." Dan said again, shaking his head like he was in agony over the whole situation. "Do you think, that there is even the slightest chance, that she would be willing to hear me out?"

"No." Serena stated quickly and Dan's heart sank. "Blair is never going to forgive you for what you've done to her."

"Serena, please. This was just a mistake. You know me, you know I'm not a bad guy." Dan desperately urged her.

"I'm not so sure about that anymore." Serena responded as she turned her back to him and busied herself by going through some clothes in her wardrobe. Dan gave up and left.

"So, there was no getting through to Serena?" Vanessa asked once he told her as much of the conversation he could remember.

"No, in fact, I think she hates me more now." Dan sighed.

"Come on, Dan. It will just take time and like you said yourself, you parents are dating now, she'll have to forgive you eventually." Vanessa tried to cheer him up, but all she got in return was a shrug.

"I was thinking that, but…let's say it will take her a week to start to get over it, and then the next chapter about Blair will be come out and I'll be right back to square one. And, for twelve weeks, it's just going to keep coming and…._hurting _everyone all over again. I don't know why I expect anyone to forgive me, I wouldn't if I was in their shoes."

"Dan, you are a good person." Vanessa tried to assert him. "I know you don't feel very good about yourself right now, but you are. You wouldn't feel so bad about it all if you weren't."

"What does it matter how bad I feel? I still did it. No one had a gun to my heard, no one made me, it was my choice."

"Everyone makes mistakes." She told him softly. "And Blair and Serena have both made bigger mistakes then this, so I'm sure they'll come around."

Dan wanted to say something to appreciate her efforts of trying to make him feel better, but he knew that whatever he said, she would immediately know it was a lie. So, he leant forward on the counter and buried his head in his hands. It had been three days since the night of the Snowflake Ball, and he thought he'd be feeling a bit better by now, but he wasn't. And every time he pictured Blair's face when she had found out the truth, it broke his heart a little more.

Jenny burst into the loft with a bunch of materials folded under her arm and a frazzled look that Dan hadn't seen on her since she stopped working for Waldorf Designs.

"What's going on?" Vanessa asked.

"Eleanor is getting married tomorrow night and I promised to make her outfit!" She exclaimed.

"Why would you do that?" Dan asked, knowing that Jenny still wasn't Eleanor's favourite person.

"Why else?!" Jenny snapped, and Dan and Vanessa froze. They didn't get it. "Because that means tomorrow, I will have to go to Blair's house before the wedding and maybe I might need a big strong man to carry the garment bag."

"Jen, are you kidding?" Dan was shocked. "You…I don't even know what I would say to Blair even if she would, somehow, be willing to listen."

"Well, you've got till six o'clock tomorrow to figure it out." Jenny smiled at him.

"Thanks…I…thanks for doing that for me." Dan said, still terrified, but touched that Jenny was willing to help him out.

"You can thank me by making me coffee, I am going to be up all night." Jenny replied before she rushed straight to her bedroom and got to work.

Vanessa left soon after and Dan struggled to leave Jenny alone. He kept writing drafts of what he might say to Blair and asking for her opinion on them and she would huff as she leant over the sewing machine as he read the speech out to her. Dan eventually realized that she didn't want to be disturbed.

He couldn't sleep, partly because he still felt like he was slowly being eaten away with guilt – though he didn't feel like 'being eaten away with' was a good metaphor for guilt anymore, it felt more like it was rotting him while he was still alive – partly because he could not get his mind to switch off about what he was going to say to Blair, and partly because of the steady rhythmic buzzing of Jenny's sewing machine. It seemed that no one would be sleeping well in the loft that night. Dan didn't even realize that it was after two when Rufus came home.

"Dan….you're still awake." Rufus said, feeling a bit foolish, when he saw Dan stretched out on the couch with his notebook.

"Yeah, can't sleep." Dan replied, feeling awkward as he belatedly realize that Rufus must have been with Lily.

"And Jenny, she's…" Rufus trailed off, as he pointed down the hallway and to the source of the buzzing.

"She's pulling an all-nighter. Fashion project." Dan sighed as he returned his focus to the notebook in front of him.

But Rufus didn't go. He stood there assessing Dan's mood, then decided not to side-step the awkwardness anymore. Dan moved his feet when he saw Rufus approach the sofa and he sat down next to him.

"Dan," he began in a tone that made Dan aware that a serious father-son talk was coming, "I can't help but notice that you've been down lately and I realize that it must make you uncomfortable that I'm dating Serena's mother, but-"

"No, no." Dan cut him off. "It's not about that, really. I mean it is weird, but…I always kind of knew that things weren't over between you and Lily. I'm glad you two are finally getting a chance."

"Then what's bothering you?"

Dan sighed heavily. He didn't want to talk about it anymore, but knew that his dad wasn't going to drop the subject now.

"You know that I was writing that story about Blair?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I had the opportunity to get it published and I felt like I couldn't say no at the time. Then Blair and Serena and everyone else found out about it, and everyone's pretty mad at me right now. All those warnings you gave me that I didn't listen to….you were right."

"I'm sorry." Rufus said sincerely. "Did she really take it that badly?"

"She slapped me." Dan responded quickly. "And since then she hasn't talked to me, so…no I don't think she took it well. And those who will talk to me…Serena and Chuck, hate me right now. Even Nate's kind of mad."

"Have you apologized?"

"Many times." Dan stated, kind of annoyed that he even had to ask that question.

"Then I'm sure they'll get over it, and if not…then they weren't your real friends anyway. Don't be so hard on yourself, it's not the end of the world." Rufus's tone lightened as he patted Dan on the back.

"Yeah, I…didn't exactly tell you everything. The story on Blair that's being published, has also been heavily reworked to paint her in basically the most humiliating way possible. Not to mention all the secrets it will expose. And then there's the fact that Blair found out about it all just as…" Dan paused and recollected himself before he continued, "just as I realized that I have feelings for her."

Rufus tried to hide his surprise, but Dan saw his back straighten and his head jolt back slightly. He didn't know why he thought anyone would not be surprised by his feelings for Blair.

"Oh." Rufus said slowly. "Have you…told her?"

"Not yet. I mean, no and I probably won't tell her at all. Right now, I'm just working on getting her forgiveness and if, maybe…then I'll tell her." Dan said pensively, not being able to be anything but realistic about his chances with Blair. He wanted to sound hopeful, or even enthusiastic so that Rufus wouldn't worry about him so much, but the reality was far too ugly for him to try and dress up. Rufus gave him a nod and a half-hearted smile, then headed for bed. Dan decided it was time for him too to try and get some sleep, maybe it's what he needed to find the right words.

Dan met Nate the next afternoon, they had originally planned on going out for lunch, but with Christmas fast approaching every place Nate liked was heaving and Dan found walking through the streets too claustrophobic so they walked through Central Park instead. They continued to pretend that the Blair issue didn't exist and wouldn't mention anything even on the fringe of that disaster, but Dan knew something was bugging Nate and eventually he got him to talk about Serena.

Yes, it seems everything went down the night of the Snowflake Ball. From what Nate told Dan, apparently Serena had run after Blair, but Blair insisted she wanted to be alone and wouldn't let Serena leave with her. Serena and Aaron then ended up arguing outside because that night was meant to be some kind of special night for them, but she just wanted to cut the evening short and go home – alone. Aaron stormed off just as Nate came onto the scene. He didn't go into details, but apparently there had been some kind of moment between them.

"But apparently it doesn't count for anything, because I saw her this morning and she told me that she's going to Buenos Aires with Aaron tonight." Nate finished the story.

"Why don't you ask her to stay?" Dan asked as if it was a simple resolution.

"No, it's not like I want her to stay for me, I just…I didn't think that she was that serious with Aaron. I'm over Serena, I am, but I just feel like she's with the wrong guy." Nate shrugged casually.

"Mmm." Dan sighed in agreement. "Why don't you just tell her that then?"

"It's not really my place, is it?" Nate responded.

"You're her friend, aren't you? You know, it's surprising that Blair hasn't run him off yet, when we were at the MOMA the other week we were talking about Walter Sickert and she said that even the potential Jack the Ripper was a less creepy artist than…." Dan trailed off, the smile quickly fading from his lips as he realized what he had said, and how much he missed Blair. "I mean, there's nothing wrong with you looking out for Serena."

"Right." Nate said dismissively, then cleared his throat. "So, we haven't really talked about Blair."

"No, I…I thought you were still mad at me about that whole thing, so I thought it was best to not bring it up." Dan rambled a bit, as he and Nate continued walking forwards and didn't look at each other.

"I was and then, when I read the first chapter yesterday, that didn't really help. It was ugly, man."

"I know. You have no idea how much I wish I could take it all back."

"So, should I be expecting a chapter with me in it soon?" Nate asked, sounding surprisingly relaxed about it all.

"Um, yeah." Dan replied nervously. "Blair's love life is kind of spread out over two chapters, the first one about you and your relationship with her, then the next one about Chuck."

"Which chapter's that?"

"Five."

"Well, it's good to have a warning. How do I come off, by the way?"

"I think you get off pretty easy." Dan replied, feeling more uneasy the more they talked about it. He had expected it to be the opposite.

"Huh." Nate responded, then paused for a moment. "I get why you wrote it and that you thought that you could get away with publishing it without anyone finding out."

"You do?"

"Yeah, that's not what bothers me. It's…how personal it all is. I mean, I think about everything I told you about Blair, without even meaning to, and…it makes me feel like this is partly my fault. Like I've betrayed her too. So, I guess I'm mostly mad that you've put me in that position." Nate explained carefully.

"I'm sorry." Dan said, the words most likely becoming the two he had said most in his lifetime.

"I know you are, I'm just not sure that's going to be enough. I mean, for me, it is." Nate added quickly when he sensed Dan tense. "I'm over it, but…for everyone else, this might just be unforgiveable."

They changed the subject after that and wondered around for another twenty minutes before Nate got a text from his mom and had to go home to help her out with some kind of decorating disaster. Dan wandered around on his own for a while, there was something calming about the cold air. Like it could numb all the pain and you could stop hurting. And it gave him time to think. Not that he was really focusing on anything anymore. He'd given up on trying to plan on what he was going to say, but as he wandered around the darkening streets of New York, he realized that anything he might say wouldn't mean much to Blair. But there was something that he could do that might make her see who he really was.

As soon as he got in the door, he saw that Jenny was freaking out but had somehow finished Eleanor's skirt-suit in time. Not that he ever doubted she could do it, but it still impressed him. She scalded him for being out for so long, then gave him the garment bag and they left. Dan thought the journey would feel slow, but it actually went far too quickly and before he knew it, he was in Blair's elevator listening to that ding that meant the time had come.

They stepped into the penthouse, and Jenny snatched the garment bag away from him and ran off before he could try to stop her and he panicked now that he was alone. Except he wasn't alone, Serena and Aaron were there.

"Dan, what are you doing here?" Serena sounded pissed.

"I carried the garment bag." Dan said nervously.

"If this is some tragic attempt to see Blair, you are-"

"Serena, it's alright." Dan heard Blair's voice and turned to see her descending the staircase.

He would never get used to the sight, it seemed like every time he saw her, she got even more beautiful and would leave him stunned all over again.

"If Dan wants to talk to me that's perfectly fine, I need to thank him anyway." Blair spoke confidently, too much so. Her voice was almost unrecognizable.

Serena and Aaron exchanged an awkward look and left the room as Blair approached Dan, appearing eerily calm.

"Thank me?" He asked nervously.

"Well, yes." Blair laughed slightly. "Now that my minions know what I can do to Serena, they're even more afraid of me then they were before."

"You read it?" Dan had hoped she wouldn't.

"I did, I must say you captured me perfectly. When I first found out about the story, I was mortified because you are the last person I'd want telling the world about me, but you are actually not a bad writer." She said way too politely.

Dan wasn't buying it.

"Blair, I want to tell you why I did it-"

"No need." She waved her hand facetiously. "Isn't it obvious? However, I must admit, you really had me fooled. I was actually starting to think that you were genuinely my friend, though I should be honored that you chose me to be your muse."

"I'm sorry I hurt you." Dan said quietly.

"You didn't." She stated confidently.

"I know that I did." He replied, trying to coax her out of this role she was playing.

"I don't care about you enough for you to be able to hurt me!" She snapped viciously.

Dan paused while she regained her composure and they both shifted awkwardly. Then Dan took a deep breath before he reached into his coat and pulled out his notebook. He reached out for Blair's hand and was relieved that she didn't snatch it away, he placed the notebook in her hand and held it there.

"This is pretty much the closest thing I have to a diary." He told her, terrified but determined. "I brought it just for when I need to quickly write things down, and it does have some short excerpts, completely unedited, of the story I did on you. It's got a lot of things that actually happened, things that I wrote down as soon as I could because I wanted to remember. Some of them good, some of them bad, and some just little things that Serena or Nate would tell me. It's got a lot of theories I had about you. Just little notes to myself, like reasons why you might have this rivalry with Serena, or that maybe it was Chuck's abilities to play on your insecurities that drove you to him, things like that. But it's got a lot of my thoughts. Which, lately, have been mostly…about you. So, anyone who read this would know a lot more about me then they would you and after what I did to you, it's only fair that you get to find out all about me too. I want you to read it, because I want you to know everything. How all of this happened, and that the Claire Carlyle you read about is not how I really see you. I want you to have the completely unabridged, raw, deeply personal and even embarrassing, truth. Even if all you decide to do with it is send it into Gossip Girl, it's probably a lot less than what I deserve anyway."

Dan finished explaining, but didn't let go of her hand quite yet. He stared into her ensnaring, dark eyes, desperately trying to communicate how important this was. She tried to remain stoic, but Dan swore he could see her bottom lip trembling, then she gave a slight nod and he relaxed. He heard Jenny's footsteps coming down the stairs and turned to see her, she glanced at them nervously as she tried not to intrude.

"Everything alright?" She asked lightly.

"Yeah, we can go now." Dan replied.

Jenny nodded her head then headed to the elevator, and Dan watched her as she pushed the call button, but when she stepped inside his feet couldn't move and he turned back to Blair, one last time. He took her hand which was holding the notebook, and covered both with his hands.

"This is everything, Blair." He told her. "I couldn't give anyone more than I'm giving you now. Merry Christmas."

He let her go a second time, and slowly turned, ignoring every instinct that told him to stay. Half telling him that he hadn't said enough, that he could apologize to her all night, tell her what writing that story really meant to him and how much he had come to care for her. The other half wanting him to go and snatch the notebook back, it meant too much, it would make him too vulnerable and waiting for her reaction would slowly kill him. But his rationality won out, he had done the best thing he could, and now, no matter how much it made him suffer, he was going to have to wait for when she decided that she wanted to see him again.


	10. Chapter 10

_I know, I know & I'm sorry! This chapter, even though it's short, was just quite difficult because the story is still going through this transition period and beyond that I was trying to show where Dan's head is at right now. As you guys have probably noticed, this story is called 'On the Outside', and it has that name for a reason. There are lots of references to the outside/inside throughout the whole thing, and that's all for a reason too – but this chapter was just really hard to write without drawing parallels to the way Dan acted in season 6 when he was trying to get 'in' and I really didn't want that. My 'inside', is not the shallow popular, powerful, elite, needing approval of others inside that the GG writers had in mind. It's something else, and I hope I found a way to convey that. On a happy note, the story's going to get more fun now!_

…_.for a while…._

* * *

Dan could not stop thinking about Blair all through Christmas. He spent the day itself in Hudson with Jenny and his mom and drove them crazy by constantly checking his phone to see if she had called. Jenny eventually confiscated his phone, so Dan had to resort to checking Gossip Girl every ten minutes. But there was no news. When they came home, Rufus and Lily had had some kind of setback that Rufus didn't want to talk about, so it seemed like life had kind of gone back to normal. Jenny gave him his phone back, but banned him from checking Gossip Girl again and, somehow, he adhered. For a few days.

On the day before New Year's Eve, Dan still hadn't heard from Blair and he began to feel like he was losing his mind. So, he decided it would be okay if he were to check Gossip Girl. Just once. Turns out it was the one thing he could have done to make him feel worse. Apparently, she and Chuck were finally taking the trip to Europe that they didn't have in the summer and were with her dad in Paris for New Year's.

Dan had never been gutted, but he assumed that this must be what it felt like. That's what it felt like to him, like someone had torn him open, ripped out his insides in a brutal frenzy and left him shredded. He had got used to the fact that he had feelings for Blair, but was still shocked by how much this hurt him. Maybe because she was with Chuck of all people. Dan knew that Chuck cared about Blair, maybe even loved her, but Dan had learnt long ago that just because someone loves you doesn't mean they will be good to you. Dan just couldn't picture Chuck and Blair together without her getting hurt. That was what hurt him most of all.

He was lonely to say the least. Jenny tried to cheer him up, but she had a life of her own and spent most of her time with Eric. Nate was with his grandfather for the holidays, Serena was still in Buenos Aires despite the fact that she and Aaron had broken up, Vanessa had shut herself away to edit her new short film and Rufus was wrapped up in his own drama. On New Year's Eve, Jenny and Vanessa tried to get Dan to come out with them, but he told them he didn't feel very well. They didn't believe him and he knew this, but didn't care. He got what he wanted when they left him to wallow in his self-pity.

He tried to ignore the time and distracted himself by reading, hoping the transition between 2008 and 2009 might pass without him noticing. But he couldn't ignore the damn clock ticking away. It felt like the countdown for him specifically, like it was pressuring him to do something, to make this monumental night significant in some way, to pull himself out of this rut. Six minutes to go and he stopped fighting what he had been wanting to do for days. He called Blair.

It rang for too long, he thought for a moment that he had built up all this courage and it would all be for nothing, but then the phone clicked and he heard her weary voice on the other end.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Blair, it's me." He told her, not sure by her tone if she had checked the phone before she answered. Or maybe she had deleted his number.

"Humphrey, do you know what time it is here?" She became alert quickly.

Dan hadn't thought about that.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I just…it's nearly midnight here and….I had to talk to you."

"Why?" She asked, not sounding particularly moved.

"You never called me after I gave you my notebook. I thought that you'd have something to say about it." He replied weakly, fully aware of how pathetic he sounded.

"Oh, that. I haven't it read it yet." She replied coolly, her superior tone back on form.

"Are you serious?" He couldn't believe that after everything he said she didn't even read it.

"Yes. Humphrey, you gave it to me right before my mother's wedding. Then it was Christmas, now I'm in Europe. Did you really think that I would be so desperate to know all the secrets of Dan Humphrey's journal?" She sounded amused, but a slight buzz tainted the sound. Dan thought she must not have very good signal where she was. He realized how much this call must be costing him, but didn't care. He was talking to her now and the time had come for him to tell her the truth.

"Blair, can you just stop pretending, for one moment, that what happened didn't matter? That you and I becoming…friends, and then finding out about the stories….that none of it was important?" Dan urged her.

"It wasn't." She responded too quickly and not very confidently.

"It was important to me. _You_…you are important to me." Dan said, then pulled the phone away from his ear when an annoying pitch sounded. When it stopped he continued. "I guess that's what I'm calling you for. There's something that has been driving me crazy and I don't even know where to start, but I want to tell you everything. I knew that if you read my notebook, then you'd know, it doesn't directly say it, but I think it's impossible to miss. I….somehow, I've developed feelings for you, Blair. For a while there, it seemed like we really had a connection and I thought that you felt it too. Now, I'm scared that I've made you doubt that. But I want you to know, that even though my motives were wrong, I loved every minute with you. And…I think that I almost started to use the story as an excuse to spend time with you and maybe that's why I didn't stop writing it when I should have. Not that that should make up for anything, but…it's got to count for something, right? And even if my feelings for you started while I was doing this awful thing, it doesn't make them any less valid. It's real, Blair. I know that I don't deserve another chance, but I think…I think that you and I could actually have something here. I guess that's why I had to call you tonight."

Dan took a deep breath and waited. But she didn't say anything.

"Blair?" He said, but got no answer. "Blair?"

He pulled the phone away from his ear and saw that they had lost the connection. She hadn't heard a word.

Dan expected to feel miserable the next day when he woke up, but he felt strangely free. He wondered if he was really over everything that had happened, or if he had finally gotten used to feeling guilty and lovesick. Either way, having put his feelings for Blair into words acted as a revelation in some ways to Dan. He was sick of missing her and feeling remorseful all the time. It was time to fix this mess and as long as he was dwelling on everything that happened, nothing would get better.

Nate got back a few days later and came to the loft insisting that he had missed Rufus's waffles, but Rufus had taken off with Lily, so he had to settle for Dan's instead. Nate was in an infectiously good mood and it rubbed off on Dan, even with the publishing of the second chapter, this one all about Blair's father's affair and subsequent move to France.

"So, I hate to break the bro code," Dan began as he passed Nate his plate full of waffles, "but I like Blair."

"I knew that." Nate said as he put a big splodge of syrup on the tower of waffles.

"Yeah, I haven't got to breaking the bro code yet."

"Okay." Nate said curiously.

"I know you and Chuck are friends again, and I wouldn't want you to betray his confidence, but he was with Blair in Europe over New Year's and-"

"And you want to know if they're back together?" Nate finished for him.

"I have a mild curiosity, yes." Dan nodded.

"Honestly, man, you never really know with those two. But, as far as I know, they're not together. And I saw what Gossip Girl said, but they didn't go to Europe together. Blair was staying with her dad and Chuck showed up."

"That's quite the romantic gesture." Dan said under his breath, he didn't want to have to use grand gestures to get Blair's attention. Even if he did, he didn't have the means that Chuck had – but that didn't mean he had nothing to offer her. "So, is he trying to get her back?"

"I don't know." Nate sighed. "I think he's still waiting for her to tell him that she loves him."

"Huh." Dan nodded thoughtfully. "Do you think she does love him?"

"Dan!" Nate whined, with his mouth full. "I don't know and I _really_ don't want to get in the middle of this."

"Okay, that's fair." Dan said quickly, putting his hands up. "How are the waffles?"

"They are so good." Nate replied as he devoured another mouthful.

They then talked about Serena and Aaron's breakup, the scandal that Bart and Lily's divorce had caused, the summer internship that Nate's grandfather had got him and what Dan was half terrified and half excited about; going back to school. When Nate left, Dan sat down at his laptop and wrote. He had stopped writing for a while out of guilt, but it was a part of himself that he didn't want to sacrifice. He had learnt his lesson from the Claire Carlyle incident and knew he would never make it again. But he loved to write and, when he felt inspired, he found it hard to stop himself. He was never going to publish something about someone he knew again, but writing about his life was like therapy in some ways.

"What are you doing?" Vanessa's voice intruded his thoughts as he sat at his laptop.

"Uh…nothing." Dan replied slowly as Vanessa made her way through his window.

"No, nuh-uh." Vanessa responded as she crossed her arms. "I know that look, you're writing again."

"Maybe." Dan admitted sheepishly.

"What's the new story then? Can I see it?" Vanessa asked as she advanced towards him, her eyes looking hungrily at the screen.

"Uh, no. It's just...it's not ready yet." Dan said as he snapped the laptop shut.

"Okay." Vanessa eyed him suspiciously. "What are you writing about?"

"Um…it's a…novella about…a seventeenth century…circus act….these Siamese twins who-"

"You're a terrible liar." Vanessa cut him off and grabbed the laptop away from him and jumped onto his bed. She scanned the screen quickly as Dan stood defeated, waiting for her judgment. "You're still writing the Claire Carlyle story?"

"No, not _the_ Claire Carlyle story, a Claire Carlyle story. It's not for New York Magazine, I'm not ever going to publish it or show it to anyone, so what does it matter?" Dan rambled defensively.

"Hey, I'm not judging." Vanessa said as she put her hands up. "I'm just…curious. Why are you still writing about Blair?"

"Because…because I still feel like there's still a lot of unresolved issues between me and her and writing about it usually helps."

"Okay, but, Dan…you gave her your notebook and she obviously didn't care. I think it's time to just move on from all of this."

"I don't know that she doesn't care. She hasn't even read it yet, which yes, may seem like indifference, but when she does read it, which she'll have to eventually, then she might care." Dan tried to explain.

"How do you know she hasn't read it yet?" Vanessa asked as she narrowed her eyes in his direction.

Dan froze, he hadn't meant to say that.

"I called her." He admitted.

"What? When?" Vanessa exclaimed.

"New Year's Eve. We didn't really talk long, we got cut off." Dan left out the part about him confessing his feelings to Blair. "Can we change the subject? I'm kind of sick about talking about it and _thinking_ about it, I just want to forget it all?"

"Then why are you still writing about her?"

"I said that I want to forget about what happened, not that I want to forget her. I know I shouldn't be writing about her, but…I'm inspired right now and I've got to take advantage of that, haven't I? And I'm not going to make the same mistakes I did before so it's not a big deal, okay?"

"Okay." Vanessa reluctantly agreed, then obliged him by changing the subject. "So, I finished editing together my new film, so you want to watch it?"

Vanessa didn't bring it up again, with Dan was grateful for because he wanted to try to stop overthinking everything. He spent too much time thinking, it was time to become a man of action. He had decided that would be his new mantra this year.

But by the day Dan had to return to school, all his courage had faded away. He had been excited about getting to see Blair again, but the closer the time came, the more he started to dread it too. She was probably still hurt and definitely still furious. Not to mention he was on everyone's radar now.

People parted before him as he walked down the hallway. They looked like they were awe-struck; he was the guy who out-schemed Blair Waldorf, the Queen of Scheme herself, after all. Dan found it depressingly amusing that the one thing that made him lose respect for himself had caused him to finally gain the respect of his peers.

Except for one certain leggy blonde. When Dan headed for the courtyard, a mission on his mind, he saw Serena approaching. With her lips were pursed she walked straight towards him, even though her eyes were looking through him. Dan slowed, expecting another lecture about how terrible he is, but instead she pushed her shoulder into his chest and kept going. So, she was still pissed.

Dan thought about going after her, but he had already tried to talk to her before, so the best thing to do was probably to give her more time. Besides, there was someone else that Dan wanted to put first right now. He headed to the courtyard and spotted Blair at her usual table surrounded by her minions. She was turned away from him, but Dan could see she was tensed up. The first day back had to be a tough one for her too and, as Dan had guessed, she was dealing with it by being scaring her minions as much as she could.

"Hey, Blair." He said casually as he reached her. She turned around and gave him a look that he was used to from her; the 'what makes you think that _you_ get to talk to me?' look.

"How was winter break?" He asked when she didn't respond.

"Fine, thank you." Blair said quickly, looking panicked because she had nothing else to say.

"Good. Well, I just…I wanted to give you that Renoir book I told you about." Dan explained as he pulled his mom's old book out of his bag and handed it to her. "It's got a really interesting page on _Dance in the City_ and _Dance in the Country_. I know that you like those."

"I like _Dance in the City_." Blair stated dismissively, having regained her composure, as she accepted the book.

"I know you do, the poise, the elegance, the contrasting colors." Dan smiled as he listed what she had once said to him, "But, _Dance in the Country_ has the emotion. The city one just seems so…._stiff_. In the country painting you can tell that the couple are actually in love. Anyway, you should read the book. I'll catch up with you later."

Dan had achieved what he wanted, he had engaged her and recaptured what their short-lived almost friendship had been built upon. And if she wanted to act like the whole Claire Carlyle scandal never happened, then so would he – until she cracked, which he knew she would eventually. The more he acted like nothing had happened, the more it would drive her crazy and soon enough, she'll snap and they'll actually be able to talk about it. He smiled at her again and read apprehension across her features. Clearly she didn't know how to react to him right now, which had kind of been what he wanted. But his forced bravery was wearing thin, he'd talked to her for a whole sixty seconds and now he needed to get away before he fell to his knees and confessed how he felt about her whilst begging for her forgiveness again.

As he walked away, he overheard Penelope not so subtly whisper "What is going on with those two?"

The rest of the day wasn't so bad. Dan didn't really understand it, but things were different, the way people treated him was different. People used to either look at him like something they wiped off their show, or they'd just look right through him. Not they looked at him like he was a regular person. Strangely, that unsettled Dan. He didn't want to be 'one of them' – at least not in the way that he used to think of these people. He didn't want to be accepted because they all thought he was just as manipulative, cruel and calculating as they were. But he did want to be accepted.

"So, I take it you had a better day than I did." Jenny said to Dan as soon as he stepped inside the loft.

"What? What makes you think that?" Dan asked, confused.

"Well, according to Gossip Girl, you've got swag now. Apparently, Manhattan's elite approves" She smirked.

"Great." He sighed as he threw his bag onto the couch and searched the fridge for a snack.

"I can see what she means." Jenny said slowly. "You are different…more confident. What's that about?"

"Jen, I'm not any different, I just…I screwed up. I did what I hope will be the worst thing I will ever do and it sucks, but the world hasn't ended. I guess I'm just not scared anymore because things can't get any worse. And that realization…it's kind of liberating and it made me realize that I don't want to stand on the side-lines anymore. I want to be….involved. I spent the last few months standing back watching how these people live their lives and now…I don't want to be on the outside of that anymore."

"What are you saying, Dan? You want to be one of them?" Jenny questioned. "Because, as someone who's been there, trying to be someone you're not because you want to get inside doesn't end well."

"No, no." Dan smiled. "I don't mean that I want to be one of the elite, I'm not going to start taking a limo to school and grow some man bangs, I want to be me. But, on some level, I used the Claire Carlyle story to hide from what I really want. I'm not going to do that anymore."

"So, what do you want?"

Dan paused. Jenny knew that he had feelings for Blair, but that wasn't just what this was about, it wasn't about wooing her, or being accepted, it was about him breaking out of the parameters that he had allowed other people to put him in. He didn't care what Gossip Girl dubbed him, what the Basses, Waldorfs, Archibalds and Van der Woodsens of the world thought of him, it was about him. Because, until recently, he had thought that he was meant to be a certain kind of person. But getting close to Blair had brought out a side of himself that he didn't know existed, a brighter side. A side that didn't stand on the outside of life, but engaged with it, and he realized that the person he had been trying to be wasn't someone he liked very much. Now, what he truly wanted was to be a person who wouldn't run away from life anymore.

"Wait and see." Dan finally answered Jenny's question, smiling at her as he rushed into his room before she asked him any more questions.

He had thought about the years he had spent at St Jude's, and how high school was meant to be the time of your life – but that had never been the case for him. And he was beginning to realize that was his fault. When he had started dating Serena, she had called him out on the fact that even though she had never talked to him before, he hadn't tried to talk to her either. He had given up before he even tried, because he had believed the people that thought he didn't belong in that world. But, then he did talk to her, and he fell for her, and it had ended, but she was still in his life and Dan thought of her as a friend. That relationship had also been the catalyst for his friendship with Nate, and later Blair. Dan wished that he hadn't spent so much time on the outside, but high school wasn't over and he still had a few more months to make it memorable.

"I just can't believe this is a senior requirement." Nate moaned to Dan a few days later as they headed to the school's auditorium where most of the rest of the seniors had already gathered.

"It's not so bad." Dan replied. "At least they chose a good play this year."

"Dude, _The Age of Innocence_ is like the most boring book ever, nothing happens! A guy and girl want to be together, but can't." Nate said dramatically. "End of story."

"Sure, you could sum up any great novel like that, but what makes or breaks a story is the way the story is told." Dan quickly defended one of his favourite books. "Have you actually read the book?"

"I haven't, but I'm sure you're just dying to make a case for Edith Wharton and convince me to give it a chance, so let me tell you now that it's not going to happen." Nate stated just as Julian, the director hushed everyone to announce who would be playing who.

Dan and Nate shifted uncomfortably as they listened to a longwinded speech about how honoured Julian was to be going on this journey with them, how much this meant to him and his hopes that they would all give their all before he actually got to the cast list.

"Now, as our protagonist Newland Archer, I have selected Don Humphrey!" He said triumphantly, then waited for the applause that no one gave.

"Don?" Nate teased under his breath and Dan shrugged in response.

Truthfully, Dan was happy about getting the lead. He loved the story and now connected with it more than he ever had, plus he thought it would be fun and would make an amazing memory one day.

"And as our leading lady, Ellen Olenska, we have Blair Waldorf." Julian continued, this time not pausing for a reaction – but everyone froze. Dan looked across the room and saw Penelope supress a smirk, Serena shake her head, Nelly Yuki sigh dejectedly – she almost looked jealous. Then his eyes found her. Blair looked pissed. She glared back at Dan, her jaw set and arms crossed.

"This story just got a whole lot more interesting." Nate whispered over his shoulder.


	11. Chapter 11

_I know! I really suck! Allow me to explain; I wanted to re-read The Age of Innocence before I edited this chapter, the pick out the parts that I wanted to focus on, but I had to work this around reading A Clockwork Orange an Do Androids Dream of Plastic Sheep for college, hence the delay. On a sidenote, this chapter references The Age of Innocence, The House of Mirth and Ethan Frome, so if you haven't read these books, but would like to and don't want to be spoiled, then you should skip this chapter. And I also kind of want to explain that Chuck does something in this chapter, something pretty weak and anti-climactic, but it is for a reason! It's building up to something, you're going to have to trust me on that. So, I present to you chapter 11 – halfway through the story now! _

* * *

"There is another woman – but not the one she thinks." Dan read from the crumpled script in his hand. He stood on the stage, a temporary mise én scène surrounded him and Blair. She stood opposite him, also holding a script in her delicate hand. Dan delivered the words as emphatically as he could , the line had always been one of his favorites from the novel, but Blair rolled her eyes at his efforts.

She glanced down at her own script, that had been kept much neater than his, and replied; "Don't make love to me! Too many people have done that!"

Some of the other students giggled at Blair's declaration as she swiftly turned away from him, the back of her hand dramatically held to her forehead. Blair didn't break as Penelope and the others whispered amongst themselves, but Dan found it hard to focus.

"I have never made love to you." Dan swallowed nervously as he stepped towards her, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. "And I never shall."

It was only the third day of rehearsals, but so far it had been torture. When he hadn't been reading romantic scenes with Blair, he'd been reading romantic scenes with Serena, and neither of them had made the whole process any less humiliating for him. Serena was cold, aside from when she was speaking as May, she wouldn't talk to him at all. Blair, on the other hand, was not cold, but solely focused on the play. She was bossy, critical and superior. Dan found it adorable.

Dan had come to the conclusion that Blair's commitment and single-mindedness when it came to the play was her way of dealing with what he assumed was an uncomfortable situation for her. It was certainly an uncomfortable situation for him.

"You are the woman I would have married had it been possible for either of us." He continued, as she turned to face him. He felt the heat in his cheeks intensify, but Blair betrayed no sign that she noticed his blushing.

"Possible for either of us?" She asked, her voice going up a pitch and to Dan's ear it almost sounded like she was trying to do a British accent.

"No, stop!" Julian cried from the front row, as he threw his folder of notes off his lap onto the seat next to him and quickly advanced towards the stage. "Don't you two understand what this scene is?"

Dan eyed Blair nervously as she dropped her characters and crossed her arms impatiently as Julian joined them on the stage.

"This is the moment where the façade drops," Julian urged, clenched his fists as he reached for something invisible as he tried to convey the emotion that he wanted. "There is no pretence, no formality, no dignity. All that's left is the devastating truth that these two characters are in love, but have realized it too late. Dan, your character is desperate here. He's finally admitted to himself how he really feels about Ellen, now that his actions have made it impossible for them to be together. He is desperate to hold onto any kind of chance that he has, can't you understand that?"

Dan shrugged non-committedly. He'd discovered that this was the best response to Julian's rants, who seemed to enjoy exerting his dominance over the teenagers, it probably helped to make him feel like real a director.

"And Blair," Julian continued, "for the last time, Ellen is not British."

"Ellen has been living in Europe, I was trying to be authentic." Blair responded, her tone threateningly courteous. Dan recognized her subdued irritation that she subverted into graciousness, but Julian remained oblivious.

"Ellen was married to a _Polish _count." Dan jumped in, before Blair could openly antagonize Julian and get herself in trouble for it. He didn't mind if it meant her being antagonistic towards him instead. And, as torturous as he found working opposite her, he'd hate for her to be replaced. She huffed, frustrated that he dared to even speak to her, let alone open a debate with her.

"Humphrey, who are you to criticize my attempts to bring legitimacy to my character? Newland Archer is supposed to be a refined and composed gentlemen, you habor all the grace of a drunk, brain damaged new-born deer." Blair chastised as the bell range, then she added; "On ice."

Julian checked his watch, then rubbed his hand over his face. "Okay guys, you can all go, but next time you really all need to bring it. We are way behind schedule here!"

"I mean really, Humphrey, how did you ever get the part?" Blair continued as the two headed backstage to retrieve their things. "_The Age of Innocence_ is about society's crème de la crème, the elite. Sophistication, finesse, acting proper…it shapes every action that these characters take. It's the foundation on which the novel is built upon. If it were anyone else, I would assume that you're father had bought your leading role, but I doubt that Julian is into the 90's music memorabilia and apparently endless supply of flannel that your father would offer."

"This may come to a shock as you, Blair, but some people don't have to buy their way through their lives." Dan contended as the two fell into sync , stepping outside. "And the heart of the novel is not high society, it's unexpressed passion. It's about how the pressure to be a part of society, to live up to other people's expectations, can you push you down a path that can't possibly make you happy. That you do for everyone else and not for yourself."

"No, no, no." Blair shook her finger at Dan as they continued to walk towards the courtyard. "Don't you see that these characters internalize these so called 'expectations', they do what _they_ believe is right. Newland stays with May in the end because he believes in duty, he'd already disregarded what society thought of him when he tried to convince Ellen to run away with him. He could have just left. In the end it wasn't the pressures of society that made him stay, it was his own desire to be decent."

"Okay, if what he wanted more than anything was to be decent, than why was he so unhappy?" Dan asked, their walking pace quickening as they got caught up the debate. "And, what about the comparisons you could draw between _The Age of Innocence_ and _Ethan Frome_? Same plot, different setting. Ethan loves Mattie, but can't be with her because of his own sense of duty, much like Newland Archer. That's the conflict in the stories, the inner-struggle between doing what you think is morally acceptable and what will make you happy. That's the core, not society's elite."

"And which book won a Pulitzer Prize?" Blair continued, complete unfazed by Dan's breakdown of her argument. "The one about the sad farmer in Starkfield, or the one about New York's upper class? And if we're really drawing comparisons to Wharton's other work, than surely we should address _The House of Mirth_? Lily Bart, whether she's accepted into the society or not, is driven by the beliefs and morals that that society lives by. It's who she is, she admits that she wants the money, she wants the rich husband and the mansion with the lilies-of the-valley that cost twelve dollars a day. That's who she is, just like Newland Archer, they aren't just helpless spectators of the society, they're a part of it. They make it what it is."

"Okay, but…" Dan stuttered, he had been sure he was right and there was no way that she could refute that, and he still believed that he was right and her argument was flimsy at best. But she sure could make a good case for the dubious. "But Lily learns to live independent of the upper classes, she has this…._epiphany. _About Selden, she realizes where she can truly find happiness and moves past her innate beliefs about dinginess and propriety to get there."

"You mean when she kills herself?" Blair said triumphantly, turning to him as they stopped in the courtyard.

"That was an accident." Dan replied with an awkward smile. "Selden goes to her, because he came to the same conclusion. They realize that…they'd wasted so much time because they thought that they _can't_ or _shouldn't_ be together…and that it's based on… a set of rules and beliefs that…that don't really mean anything. It's a little too late, but he had decided that he wanted to marry her."

"Well, I suppose you could take her death as fate intervening and to ensure high society's values are uphold." Blair replied perkily, her eyes sparkling with the thrill of being challenged.

"But the realization is not reversed, it's not undermined. The word-"

"The word?" Blair interrupted. "And what do you think the unspoken, but mythical 'word' is?"

Dan paused. He already knew his answer, but stopped to access where this conversation was going and if he could somehow spin what he was about to say as evidence for the point he had originally been trying to make. Blair raised an eyebrow in expectation, trying to supress the smile that proved she already thought that she'd won somehow.

"Well, I've heard a few interesting theories, but I personally think that the word is…" Dan trailed off, as Blair's attention had seemed to. He followed her gaze over his shoulder, to see Chuck Bass lingering across the courtyard. He lingered there, to make a point no doubt as he stared at the two of them, stone-faced and belligerent.

He took a slow step backwards before he broke eye contact and walked away and Dan turned back towards Blair.

"How are things between you two?" He asked tentatively.

"There is nothing between us." Blair replied unconvincingly. "I have wasted far too much time on that Bass-hole and now I'm focusing on me. On my dreams, on Yale. That's what's most important to me right now."

Dan gave a slight nod. He didn't fully believe her and as she shifted uncomfortably, he guessed that she knew it. He wanted to jump back into the debate, but the moment had passed. They stood together awkwardly, neither had realized that they had got so caught up in conversation and had made their way there together without even realizing. Dan wanted to think of something else to say, something to diffuse the tension, but the simultaneous beeping of mobile phones preceded him.

"What new joy will this bring?" Dan said under his breath as he reached for his phone. He read the latest blast and then his eyes cast to Blair, who was already looking for his reaction. "Serena told you?"

"Yeah, but I didn't send it into Gossip Girl." Blair said quickly.

"I didn't think you had." Dan replied. The thought that she might have done hadn't even crossed his mind. "I'm going to go….find Jenny, or Serena. Make sure they're okay."

As Gossip Girl blasts went, this was a little anti-climactic. Dan, Jenny, Serena and Eric already knew about the sibling that they shared and it was slightly disturbing, but a little too surreal to truly affect any of them. Dan thought that maybe once Rufus and Lily could find him and they'd meet, it would make more of an impact, but until then Dan decided to enjoy the denial.

"Dan!" Jenny called as she rushed to him in the girl's hallway.

"Hey, you okay?" Dan asked as he stepped towards her.

"Yeah. A little embarrassed," she said sheepishly, "but…I'm really sorry. I know this was meant to be a secret."

"What do you mean? You couldn't have sent this into Gossip Girl." Dan shook his head in disbelief.

"No, not at all!" Jenny quickly defended herself. "It wasn't me, it was Chuck."

"How did Chuck find out?"

"I guess his dad had someone dig up dirt on Lily to use as leverage for the divorce. I ran into him earlier and he made a sly comment about it, I tried to act like it wasn't a big deal and not even Gossip Girl would be interested in it, so…" Jenny smiled nervously at Dan as she finished. "I didn't mean to provoke him."

"No, it's not your fault. Chuck's just trying to get to me…." Dan ran his hand through his hair, then stopped himself. He didn't want to dwell on this. The truth was out and he didn't expect anyone to really care anyway, it wasn't like he was still dating Serena. "You know what? It doesn't matter. Like you said, it's not really a big deal. No one's going to care."

Dan had got used to the whispers and furtive glances, especially after the Blair scandal, so not letting this get to him was not difficult. What got to him was the fact that Chuck was still trying to hurt him. But there were no more skeletons in the closet, so Chuck's vendetta had to come to an end now.

As school ended, Dan was in a rush to get home, he'd been replaying his conversations with Blair and the little moments of gold between the horrendous torment that was rehearsals. He marched towards the exit, but paused as he heard Nate calling after him.

"So, I saw the Gossip Girl blast." Nate stated as he caught up to Dan. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I…I was already over the shock of it all, so it didn't really do any damage." Dan explained, then reading Nate's expression, he added; "you don't seem particularly shocked yourself."

"Yeah, Serena had already told me." Nate admitted with a shy smile.

"Well, I guess we know who's not the secret keeper in the family." Dan stopped in his tracks. "It's so weird to think of her as family. But I guess that's what we'll be, even without the secret sibling drama. My dad's with her mom and….they seem pretty serious. If finding out that she gave up his kid all those years ago won't turn my dad away, then nothing will."

"Does it bug you?" Nate asked.

"It's weird, but…no. I realized last year that my mom and dad weren't going to get back together. So…as long as he's happy, that's all that…..wait, why are you interested in all of this?" Dan paused, finding Nate's questions kind of weird.

"Okay, I'll admit it. Serena sent me." He confessed reluctantly. "I still can't get her talk to you, but she wants to know how you feel about all of this. So, what do I tell her?"

"Tell her that I'm fine and I hope that she is too. And I kind of miss her." Dan said sincerely. "And…tell her I'm sorry that this got out. Chuck is the one who sent the tip into Gossip Girl, straight after he saw me talking to Blair."

"Are you sure?" Nate asked.

"Yeah, Bart had someone dig into Lily's past. I didn't expect Chuck to care, but…I suppose he's still trying to punish me for what happened with Blair." Dan said, cautious of how he spoke about Chuck in front of Nate now that they were friends again.

"I'm sorry, man. I'll talk to him."

"No, you don't…I think it's best we just ignore it." Dan replied. He had come to think of Chuck as a child, a child mid-tantrum, screaming and breaking things in a bid to get attention.

"Okay." Nate agreed, but still seemed unsure. "Speaking of Blair, you could be more subtle. Everyone can tell that you two were flirting all throughout rehearsals."

"Are you crazy? All we do is argue." Dan said in disbelief.

"Right." Nate muttered. "So, chapter four is coming out in a few days?"

"That's right." Dan confirmed casually.

"Not nervous, are you?" Nate asked teasingly.

"No, are you?" Dan retorted. "It is the one about you and Blair after all."

"Truthfully, I'm kind of excited." Nate said, a big grin displaying the extent of his excitement.

"Okay, that makes me nervous. Nate, maybe you and I need to go over this story and how and why it was written again." And so Dan spent the next half an hour once again describing to Nate what his editor had gone for, how heavily the work had been edited and, of course, how it had all been out of his control for a while now.

But Dan's mind was still on Blair. Her melodramatic acting was truly endearing and just so…Blair. And she continued to stun him with her intelligence. Aside from English teachers, Dan had never really had the chance to discuss literature with anyone, and with Blair they could actually engage in debate. Dan had never thought he was one for a debate, he usually got stuck on one idea or point and just wanted people to agree with him. Blair never did this, she constantly challenged him, dismantling his arguments and leaving him unsure of his own mental capabilities. But he gave as good as he got. It was rare to see her falter, but every now and then when they were caught up in a discussion, she'd freeze. It was only ever for a millisecond before she was back on form again, but Dan loved those small flickers where he'd see the real girl underneath the perfectly composed façade. The perfectly composed façade that he also adored.

Feeling inspired, Dan pulled up his latest Blair stories on the laptop and added the events of the day. Rufus was still away and Jenny having regained favor with Eleanor and had started working for her after school again, so Dan had the loft to himself most of the time. In the silence, he would often get lost in his writing and find that he had sat there for five hours. This time, however, he was disturbed by a knock on the door.

"It's unlocked." Dan called from his chair at the table, assuming that Jenny had forgotten her key again. But then he was caught off guard by a different blonde entering the loft.

Serena nervously poked her head around the door, before she self-consciously stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Dan couldn't help but be a little sad as he remembered how comfortable she used to be there.

"Hi." She smiled nervously.

"Serena." Dan said, still shocked by her appearance in his home. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah." Serena replied quickly, her hands nervously ringing the strap of her purse as she looked around nervously. "We haven't really talked lately, so I thought that….I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize to me." Dan stated. "I just want to put this all behind us….I mean we are pretty much family. I'm still not used to saying that at all."

"It's very strange." Serena agreed, her smile becoming a bit more genuine as she stepped a bit closer to him. "But I figured I can only be mad at you so long, now that we're….whatever we are. I don't really want to think about it too much."

"That's fair, considering we used to…." Dan smiled. "So are we okay?"

"I think so." Serena said nervously, her smile fading again. "I still don't really get it….what you did. But if Blair can…._seemingly_ forgive you, and Nate can forgive you, then I suppose I can."

"I'm glad to hear it." Dan replied, struggling to find a way to just allow conversation to flow with Serena. It still seemed awkward to him, but he hoped that, with time, that would fade.

"And about Blair," Serena began, but she suddenly stopped. "Does that say Claire?"

Dan saw Serena's eyes on his laptop screen and slammed it shut quickly.

"Are you still writing about Blair?" Serena asked, all civility gone.

"No, no, no." Dan stuttered quickly as he rose to his feet. "It's not…I'm not writing for New York Magazine."

"You've got to be kidding me." Serena's face turned to stone, she saw right through Dan's attempts to cover his back, and knowing that he was lying about not writing about Blair made her think that the New York Magazine part was a lie too.

"Serena-" Dan attempted to try and explain himself again, but she turn and stormed out of the loft before he could say another word.

And so he was screwed. Again. It felt like déjà vu. Except this time, Blair really would never trust him again. And even Serena and Nate wouldn't be able to forgive him. But then it struck him, this wasn't history repeating itself at all. Last time he had been in the wrong and he knew it, but this time, what he was doing didn't seem wrong. So, he printed off a few random chapters that he had written over the last few weeks and headed to Blair's. He repeatedly called Serena on the way and on the sixth time she answered.

"Serena, don't hang up." Dan said instantly.

"It's me." Nate's voice replied.

"Nate? What are you…never mind." Dan regained focus. "Can I talk to Serena?"

"She doesn't want to talk to you right now." Nate said, sounding like he was trying to cover the fact that he was pissed off.

"Look, Nate, I guess she told you that I'm writing about Blair again, but it's not what you think. It's not a bad thing. I'm not showing this to anyone and I'm certainly not going to get published. _I'm just writing_. And I've decided that I'm going to be open about this with Blair. I'm on my way to hers right now to tell her the truth and give her some of the stories I've written. Can you tell Serena that? Please?"

"Dan, I don't think that this is a good idea." Nate replied hesitantly.

"Look, I get that you and Serena are probably pissed right now. But…this is between me and Blair. If she's not okay with it and wants me to stop, then fine, I will. But if she is okay with it, can you be okay with it too?"

"Okay. If Blair's fine with it then I am." Nate agreed.

"And Serena?" Dan added.

"I'll work on it." Nate replied after a brief pause.

Dan hung up as he entered Blair's building and made his way up to her. He stepped into her penthouse just as she was descending the staircase.

"Humphrey, what are you doing here?" She asked, sounding a lot less irritated than he thought she would.

"Uh, I'll explain, but first I need to know has Serena talked to you yet?"

"No." Blair said slowly as she stood opposite him. "Why?"

"Well…." Dan began nervously. He had been so determined to tell Blair as quickly as possible so she'd be more likely to allow him to explain that he hadn't really had the room to be nervous. Until now. "I have a confession to make. I've been writing about you."

Blair barely reacted. Her eyebrows raised slightly, but then returned to their original position, leaving her inscrutable to Dan. But it wasn't outrage, so he took this as a sign to continue.

"It's not for New York Magazine, or any magazine, or anyone…else. Just for me, and now….you." Dan explained as he pulled a couple folded pages out of his messenger bag, feeling the twinges of déjà vu again. "You see, you…inspire me and…I just considered it as practice, so I kept writing about you after Christmas. And then today, Serena saw and jumped to conclusions, so I realized that I need to be honest about this. So, I want you to have these."

Dan held the pages out and she reluctantly accepted, her eyes briefly casting over the first page and then she cast them back at Dan. "Although, I am flattered that you have chosen to use me as your muse, I have no interest reading these. I still haven't found the time to read your notebook."

"Yeah, I realized that you probably wouldn't read them." Dan replied, relieved by her response. "But, I still wanted you to have them. So, if it's okay with you, I'm going to keep writing about you, but I'm going to hand _every word_ straight to you when I'm finished. You don't have to read them, but you need to have the option for if you change your mind._ I _need you to have that option."

"I suppose I can accept those terms." Blair said, folding the pages in her hand in half as she accepted them as hers now.

"So…you're okay with this?" Dan wanted to double check.

"Humphrey, when one is as charming and complex as I am, you have to get used to other people becoming fascinated by you." She replied coolly.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then." Dan smiled as he turned to leave.

"Dan!" Blair called after him as he was about to step into the elevator.

"Yeah?" He asked, looking back at her.

"Earlier…when we were talking about _The House of Mirth_, you didn't finish what you were saying." She explained, the slight suggestion of regret in her voice, but Dan didn't want to get ahead of himself. "What did you think the word was?"

"Faith." Dan replied confidently. "Not in the religious sense, but Lily had finally learned that she needed to have faith in herself. And Seldon had learnt that he needed to have faith in her too. That's why, even when he found that she had given money to Trenor and all his old doubts came back, he was able to push them away. He didn't understand, but he accepted that he couldn't understand and simply had faith in her. Even though he would never know for sure, he believed that she was still the woman he believed her to be and had loved."

Dan finished explaining and Blair smiled subtly at him. "What, no rebuttals?" He added.

"No." She replied in subdued playfulness. "That is a satisfactory answer."

Dan smiled at her. Faith. Right now he needed her to have faith in him. To trust him when he told her that he wasn't doing anything wrong and amazingly, she seemed to. The elevator dinged and Dan stepped back inside and took a deep breath as the doors closed. That hadn't turned out nearly as bad as he thought that it could. Giving her the new stories was terrifying, but he had known before he had even left the loft that she would probably accept the stories without reading them. But the fact that she now had the option, that Dan had allowed himself to be so exposed, left a lingering terror in the pit of his stomach.


	12. Chapter 12

_So….it's been a while. I don't even want to look at the date that I put up the last chapter, but I am so sorry for the wait! I got a really short-notice chance to go travelling for a few months and I couldn't say no, or find the time to put this up before now. It's a little shorter than usual, but any other scenes would have taken away from the actual point of this chapter. 10 more to go now! _

Dan chewed on his fingernails, nervously watching Nate's eyes scan over the magazine in his hands. They had made a deal, that when the next chapter come out, the one that covered Blair and Nate's relationship, that Nate would come to the gallery to read it. Dan had tried to warn him, tried to soften the blow, had reminded him that it had been heavily edited, but Nate had remained excited. But now, sitting opposite Dan, his brows were furrowed in an uncharacteristic frown.

"It's good." Nate said as he put the magazine down and took a sip from his coffee.

"What?" Dan asked in disbelief.

"I thought it was good." Nate shrugged. "I know I don't really know a lot about writing, or editing or…basic grammar, but I thought it was well-written."

"But…you were frowning. Are you…you thought it was well-written, great, but what about the content?"

"Oh, that's just my concentrating face." Nate waved his hand absentmindedly.

"Nate." Dan urged, knowing that something had bothered him.

"Dan, really I'm fine." He replied. "I guess I just…was I really that much of a dick?"

"It's not real." Dan stated confidently. "It's dramatized, you know that. That was not you."

"Dude, you called my character Nathan!"

"Yeah, okay, it's based on you but…it's not you."

"But it is. Some of those things did happen. I just never really thought about it all from Blair's point of view, you know?" Nate explained, rubbing the back of his neck as he leant back in his chair.

"Well…you cheated on her with her best friend, there's no way to look back on that as a good thing." Dan sighed. "But, we're good?"

"Yeah, sure." Nate reiterated. "How about you and Blair? Have you talked to her today?"

"No." He replied slowly, sensing that Nate was going to tease him about Blair. "Her dad's staying in town for a while, so she's spending every moment that she can with him. I'll see her tomorrow in rehearsal and I'm sure she'll be fine with it. She's been fine with all the others."

"Ah, yes. Rehearsal. I know how much you enjoy that." Nate said coyly.

"I haven't really thought about it." Dan ignored Nate's goading. "Yale is sending out admissions emails tomorrow, so worrying about that has taken up all my brain capacity."

"I'm sure it has. It must be all you can think about; if you got into Yale…if Blair's got into Yale…if next year the two of you will be at Yale together and-"

"You know it's not so smart teasing me about Blair considering Gossip Girl outed you and Serena last night." Dan cut in smugly, silencing Nate immediately. "Did you really think I wouldn't bring that up?"

"Right." Nate said slowly. "I wanted to talk to you about that, it's just that…Serena and I aren't really together, not yet. I wanted to have a conversation with you about it first and Serena wanted to talk to Blair and Gossip Girl just got there first."

"No, I know, I've been there. As you know." Dan responded, recalling Gossip Girl exposing his story on Blair before he could tell her himself.

"So, that conversation I wanted to have…I know that you and Serena have a history-"

"Yeah, a history." Dan interrupted. "Not a future. I think that ship had sailed even before we found out that we shared a sibling. And even though, it turns out that our…_brother_ is dead, it's just not there between me and her anymore."

"Even so…there's a code."

"Nate, I'm currently interested in the girl that you dated since kindergarten. I think that makes us even. Besides, you and Serena…it's been a long time coming. I'm glad you guys could finally get the timing right."

"Thanks, man. Now back to you and Blair…." Nate smiled gleefully.

Nate eventually dropped it, but taunting Dan about his crush on Blair had almost become a daily activity of his. He would have got bored of it long ago if it wasn't for the daily rehearsals for the school play and Dan's weekly chapters on his Claire Carlyle story. Dan ignored it most of the time, because he could tell that Nate was genuinely rooting for him and Blair, but this week was different. Dan had barely slept waiting to hear from Yale, to find out if the future he had planned his whole life would be coming to fruition, or if all his dreams would be taken away in one short, perfunctory rejection. And, as much as he tried to deny it, he was also wondering if Blair would get in too. If they would be spending the next four years together, debating literature, going to art exhibits, arguing about old classic films vs. modern independent productions and maybe falling madly in love. Maybe Dan would get a little carried away imagining it during those nights he wasn't sleeping. Then he'd imagine the alternative, not getting in, being at square one. No, worse than square one. He'd be minus squares. Serving coffee at the gallery for the rest of his life while everyone else moved on, telling people about how he was almost a writer, but burnt his only bridges to protect his integrity and a girl who was now busy graduating summa cum laude at Yale and forgetting all about him. He could imagine no scenario where Blair didn't get in.

At rehearsals the next day, unbelievably, his anxiety about Yale faded. They spent most of the afternoon going through his scenes with Serena, and a few group scenes too, but he still saw Blair around. The first break they got she rushed over to him, the latest issue of New York Magazine in her hands, folded open on the page of his latest chapter, red scribbles covering the page.

"Humphrey, this chapter was the worst yet." Blair crossed her arms. "In the first three, you had a sharp, distinctive tone, but now…you're losing your voice, it's gone from being satirical to theatrical. You're starting to take yourself too seriously, I had to take you down a notch or two."

Dan glanced down at the magazine in his hands, then back up at Blair who was waiting for a reply.

"I already told you that I don't have any input anymore." Dan said slowly. "But, I will read through your notes and take it on board."

"Good." Blair nodded triumphantly.

"But, while we're on the subject, I feel like I need to warn you about next week's-" Before Dan could finish, he was interrupted by the sound of his and Blair's phones bleeping simultaneously. Usually, concurrent text messages would indicate another bombshell from Gossip Girl, but this wasn't a text message. The emails were finally there.

Dan didn't notice at the time, too embroiled in finding out his own future, to notice Blair step away to show her minions the email.

"I got in!" She exclaimed. "I mean, of course I got in."

Dan took a deep breath, not really believing what he saw in front of him, until Blair wondered back over, a curious smile on her face. Dan looked up at her and grinned.

"What's wrong with your face?" She narrowed her eyes.

"You're going to have to get used this face, Blair. You'll be seeing it for the next four years. I got into Yale." He replied nervously, scared to say it because he still didn't quite believe it.

"Well, I suppose a congratulations are in order, Humphrey. Although, maybe I should reconsider my college choice seeing as Yale have clearly lowered their standards." She smiled shyly, then seemed to suddenly remember something. "I need to call Daddy!"

She pranced away, her phone gripped tightly in her hands as Dan watched her go. He still couldn't quite believe all this was happening.

A few hours later at the gallery, he still couldn't quite get his head around it. When he'd called his dad, Rufus had simply replied that he knew he could do it. Everyone was proud and had congratulated him, but Dan almost felt like he was floating. Like this wasn't quite reality. And that any moment he was going to hit the ground again. He was snapped out of his own thoughts when Rufus came in, guiding too men who looked quintessentially Upper East Side and not Rufus's usual crowd at all.

"Harold, come meet my son." Rufus beamed, ushering over the taller of the two men.

Dan instinctively shook his hand, not knowing who the man was or why he was there.

"Congratulations, Daniel. I hear you got into Yale." The man said with a gentle smile.

"Yeah." Dan replied, not sure what else to say. "Thank you."

"It's nice to know that they'll be a friendly face for my daughter in the Fall."

"Your…?" Dan trailed off, looking to Rufus for help.

"Dan, this is Harold. Blair's father." Rufus explained, not registering Dan's panic at this notion. He'd just met Blair's father for the first time.

"Oh." Dan said, his voice a little bit higher than usual.

"And this is my partner, Roman." Harold added, introducing the second man.

"Nice to meet you." Roman said in a thick French accent as he shook Dan's hand.

"So…" Dan paused, looking to Rufus again for help. "What's going on?"

"Oh, I met Harold and Roman at the dinner party last night. We got talking about art and when I told them about the gallery, they wanted to come see it for themselves." Rufus explained.

"Yes, and I am dying to see the fusion of Impressionism and modern street graffiti art that you were talking about." Roman exclaimed, bouncing on his heels like a child.

"That's right! I'll show you." Rufus said as he rushed out the room, he always got excited when he could get someone else excited about one of his artists.

Roman was right on Rufus's heels, but Harold had paused. Still standing opposite Dan. A lot of thoughts flashed through Dan's mind, had Blair told him about the Claire Carlyle stories? Was he furious? Was he going to sue him? He was a highly esteemed lawyer after all.

"Can I get you a cup of coffee?" Dan said the first thing that came into his head.

"Yes, a cappuccino please." Harold said as he sat on one of the stools. "Your dad told me about the special Humphrey cappuccinos and I have to try one for myself."

"He didn't tell you about the waffles too, did he?" Dan joked.

"No. But he did talk a lot about you last night. He's very proud of you. And that was even before he knew you'd gotten into Yale."

"You must be able to relate. Blair was so excited to call you when she found out she'd got in to Yale." Dan replied, calming as he handed Harold the cappuccino with his special nutmeg foam.

"Yes, I could barely understand her on the phone." Harold laughed. "You were there?"

"Yeah." Dan mumbled, still trying to feel out what Harold knew and how he felt about him. "It was in the middle of rehearsals for the school play."

"Oh, that's right." Harold nodded. "Blair told me all about it, complaining to no end about how she's been held back."

"Moaning about acting opposite me again?" Dan smiled politely, but still feeling very awkward.

"No, just the director. You…she had nothing but praise for."

"Blair Waldorf?" Dan asked in disbelief.

"Yes. She said how you're the only other person in the school who had the intelligence and understanding to depict this love story with her. Although, she quickly added that you were still nowhere near as smart as her."

Dan lingered, just absorbing that information. He smiled to himself, completely forgetting Harold's presence until Roman called him away to see a painting that was apparently just perfect for their dining room.

Dan had to keep from pinching himself every half hour. He'd got into Yale and Blair had said something nice about him. Her father had been completely different then he had imagined. Dan didn't know all that much about Harold because he had never been around, and the simple fact that he had moved to another country and effectively abandoned Blair had painted him in a pretty bad light in Dan's eyes. The only others things he knew about him was that he had gone to Yale, and that was the source of Blair's ambition to go there, and that he had been a very successful lawyer. So, he had expected another elitist snob, but he couldn't have been more wrong. Even Rufus got along with him, the two, along with Roman, had talked at the gallery for over an hour before Dan had to leave. That enough was evidence that Harold was not like the rest of the Upper East Side at all. He was warm and kind. Dan understood why Blair loved him so much, but still couldn't understand why he would ever leave.

All in all, it had been a good day and Dan was feeling the hopeful motivation that he hadn't really felt since before Christmas. He had a celebratory dinner with Rufus, Jenny, Lily, Serena and Eric. It was a little awkward to be with all of them as a family, but Dan accepted it pretty quickly, he had known that Rufus and Lily were completely committed to each other now, and he was sure that Lily would have another ring on her finger before the year was out whether Rufus would admit it or not. After they left, Dan had another sleepless night, but this was the good kind. He sat up writing about Blair. He was very proud of himself, but until he sat down to write and get some of the thoughts out of his head, he hadn't realized that he was proud of her too. Of her intelligence and relentless determinism. And with his new insight on her father, he had four thousand words down before sunrise.

He spent the next few days in his usual routine, school, then rehearsal, then work at the gallery, hanging out with Vanessa, going over and editing his work until he was happy with it and then was faced with the next 'family' event. This one was even more out of Dan's comfort zone, they were going to the opera. He went with Rufus and Jenny to the Van der Woodsen penthouse, so they could all leave together. Nate was also with them, which relieved Dan greatly. It wasn't the opera he was worried about, he was sure he'd enjoy it, it was the rubbing shoulders with Manhattan's elite. He knew Rufus was worried about it too, it would be his and Lily's first public outing as a couple, so they were all going to be on their very best behaviour tonight. Dan had something else on his mind too. He had perfected his latest piece on Blair, and, being true to his word, was going to hand it over to her as soon as her saw her. He knew she wouldn't read it, she still hadn't read any of his work that he had given her, but it still made him nervous to be so exposed in that way. He walked in beside Nate and Serena and immediately spotted Blair in the bar area with Harold.

Her eyes seemed even bigger as she stared up at her father in adoration, her smile innocent. She was almost child-like. It was a side of her that Dan had never seen before, another piece of the Blair Waldorf jigsaw puzzle. He took a deep breath and headed over to them. Harold saw him first and instantly went to shake Dan's hand as he greeted him. Blair looked between the two of them, confused by their familiarity.

"Good evening, Daniel." Harold greeted. "Are you here with your family? I must say hello to Rufus."

"Yeah, he's around here somewhere. I just wanted to come over and say hello and…" Dan paused as he reached inside his jacket and turned his attention to Blair. "I wanted to give you the next chapter on Claire Carlyle. The real one."

Blair looked nervous, and slightly embarrassed and Harold's face turned curious. Dan knew he'd have questions for her, once she left.

"Daddy, I told you Dan is a writer didn't I?" Blair explained to her dad as she took the folded up papers from Dan. "Well, he sometimes gives me his work to edit. I do have the best critical mind of anyone he knows."

"I'm sure." Harold smiled, knowing that she was hiding something.

"Anyway, I should get back to my family." Dan said politely, wanting to excuse himself from the situation as soon as he could. "Have a good evening."

Dan didn't see either of the Waldorf's again in the mass of the networking socialites before the opera began. In fact, he didn't see anyone he recognized, so he'd stuck pretty close to Nate and Serena. Which was a bit awkward not only because he was a third wheel, but because he knew that Serena still hadn't fully forgiven him for everything yet. The whole thing felt strange. There he was, in a designer suit that Lily had given him at the opera, with what was apparently going to be his new family, and Nate Archibald who had fast become his best friend. And he was going to Yale. Everything had changed so quickly, that Dan hadn't really stopped to think about it yet. He didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. His mind wondered during the opera and he found himself gazing into the crowd adjacent to him. Then his eyes cast over Blair's glossy curls adorned with her trademark hairband and he snapped out if immediately. He stared at her face, studying her transfixed expression, her wonder. A lot had changed. But as he saw the passion in Blair's eyes, he thought about how glad he was to be able to see her this way. That he had stopped looking at her as everything he hated about the Upper East Side. That he could really see her now. And that was a good thing. In fact, it was the change that Dan was most grateful for and wouldn't give back for the world.

"So, you're officially an Upper East Sider now?" Vanessa teased him at the gallery the next day. "Joining the Van der Woodsen's, going to the opera, getting into Yale."

"Exactly. I'm going to Yale, far away from the Upper East Side." Dan replied, snatching the society pages from her which had pictures from the night before of the new Humphrey-Van der Woodsen family. "And I did invite you to come to the opera with us, remember?"

Vanessa put her hands up in mock surrender, before they heard footsteps and simultaneously looked up to see Harold walk into the gallery.

"Daniel, I was looking for you." He greeted as he strode in.

"Oh, Mr Waldorf. It's good to see you." Dan said nervously, earning an eyebrow raise from Vanessa as soon as he had said the Waldorf name. "Back for another cappuccino?"

"No, actually I wanted to talk to you about Blair." Harold said, leaning across the counter.

"I'm just going to…go to the bathroom." Vanessa quickly scrambled out of the room, Dan watching helplessly as she fled, before turning back to Harold and swallowing nervously.

"I badgered Blair all morning and finally got her to tell me the truth about what you've been writing."

"You did?" Dan swallowed again, his mouth had suddenly gone very dry.

"Yes, and I also managed to convince her to let me read them."

"You did?" Dan said again, his voice more strained this time. Harold remained quiet, as Dan shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "And….did you like them?"

"I did." Harold smiled and Dan could finally breathe again. "Blair still hasn't read them herself, but…it's very clear to me that you are very deserving of that place in Yale's English program."

"Did you…tell Blair that?" Dan asked nervously.

"No, I haven't." Harold replied slowly, sensing both Dan's disappointment and relief. "Actually, I'm meant to be meeting her at the Met now for a Velasquez exhibit, but something's come up. Perhaps you could meet her there to excuse my absence and accompany her in my place?"

"Vanessa's here, so I suppose I could leave the gallery for a few hours." Dan replied, sharing a knowing look with Harold, before he practically sprinted out of the gallery, eager to see Blair again.


End file.
